Daily Temptations List 2

Restarting this list:

36th Day: Lays chips, Spicy Mixed Nuts, Pizza
42nd Day: Local sweets... nomm.. :/


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My previous list was so long I think its boring :D So Im creating a new one.. these are all the food /treats made available to everyone for the taking. Just so many treats from the office!

EDay 1: None
EDay 2: Carrot cake, bowlful of Lindt chocoballs, muffins for everyone!- colleagues birthday
EDay 3: A box of cookies and cream polvorons just for me - given by a colleague.. loot bag started
EDay 4: A farewell party for 3 ppl.. All that indian food!
EDay 5: 3 Honey cakes for our GMs birthday
EDay 6-7: Weekend
EDay 8: None
EDay 9: AM Muffins, cookies, snickers for everyone / PM: Birthday cake for a colleague
EDay 10: Mango birthday cake for a colleague /  Nestle Crunch from a colleague who came from US (new loot bag started)
EDay 11: Mozartkulgen pack just for me from the tourism board :) I gave this away to colleagues and kept 4 pcs for my loot bag
EDay 12: Tapioca chips, some italian sweets and white chocolate cake huge enough to feed the entire office
EDay 13-14: Weekend
Eday 15-21: Off from work
Eday 23: Receive a pack of cashews from my colleague's home town (aint he sweet!).. I love cashews! But this will have to stay with the rest of my loot

EDay 13-14: So far so good..

So far.

Im not gonna say DV free coz on EDay 14, i cooked for the ppl in the bfs house. Its a dish from my home country and none of them have tried it. So i had to taste it, coz they wouldnt know if its right or wrong.

And i messed it up! Hahahaha i underestimated the power of the tomato paste so the it was too thick. I tried it myself on half a teaspoon with a bit of white rice to see if will at least taste better. It was alright.

Luckily, it reminded them of the stuff that makes up bunny chow :D . They were gracious. about it coz I never cooked for anyone before.. NEVER. so it was all good.

Best thing, i didnt eat. Just that taste... i ate cauliflower fried rice with minced beef.

The only thing missing are my vitamins. I keep forgetting to take them.

All meals taken on time. Fruits, crackers too. Ive been consuming 3 DCs per day though just to get by cravings.

EDay 10-12: On to 15 Days

I decided not to move on to FDays coz I usually consider my attempt as failed when it has been more than a week of being out of the program, so I still am in my E set.

I've decided to give the CD 15 days more. Otherwise, I really do need a new plan. And in this 15 days i need to declare what goal is most important to me... and define the things I can let go, and those that I need to do in order to achieve that goal.

I will be off for 9 days. There will be socializing during those days. Im still in a bit rocky stage with my friend that socializing with her is important. But, I am starting to find ways to fill in those days and not be idle.

Also I've noticed, its much more difficult for me to be on plan when I am at the bf's house. Its not because they are tempting me, but because they are stopping me to eat outside the plan as part of helping me out. I found out, that this is not a way to keep me on plan, the more they tell me "No" the more I want to eat outside the plan. But when they offer, I keep saying "No"

:D am I a child or what?? Blame it on the only child syndrome.. And when they are not looking, I keep eating what is not allowed. stupid rebellion.. :D

I think TOM is just around the corner.. Im feeling quiet heavy for the past 2 days... like Im dragging myself.. lower tummy heavy too..

:/ Why does it have to be like this every month? Isnt it enough that having your period flowing on its on uncomfortable enough? :/ *rant over*

Trying to take this one day at a time and going on about my day as usual. I am still registered on the challenge, but as I said, Im giving the CD 15 more days.. So lets see by then.

EDay10-12: DF. thats 3 days!

Let the long holiday begin!

Paralyzed

I've been going about this diet for the past 4 months and I cant seem to get back on the bus. Is it really because:

1) I dont want it enough?
2) Im procrastinating?
3) Im rebelling against the rigidity of this plan? -- I found myself saying this several times "fuck it! im gonna have that ice cream / chocolate / normal people lunch. This is too difficult!!!!"
4) I AM BEING A BIG BABY

I am overthinking this that I am getting desperate, dissapointed, angry, and discouraged with myself. To top that off, I dont like what I see in the mirror everyday.

I want to do so many things with myself that I am drowing with my own confusion.

I know the answer:

Streamline
Prioritize
Focus

But how?? Its so frustrating man! I learned this in business school, and yet and behaving like a dumbass!

Whew, a lot of negative self talk right there..

I spoke to a friend, and he also got irritated that he said, take all of that, put it in a room, lock it there, and think or do other things. Distract yourself!

I am a very multi-tasker but right now.. I feel stunned

EDay 6-9: Pot of confusion

EDay 5-6: DV free
EDay 7: Went out with friends.. boom. fell off the wagon
EDay 8: Totally off the bus..

too numb to write right now..

that doesnt mean I am stopping. Im just gonna do a self check and re align my relevant W's (why, what, when, which, etc)

I was also approached to join a 60day fitness challenge. So I am rethinking my game plan.. The challenge is so tempting (the [grueling] physical aspect at the end ).. not to mention the grand prize.

question is: will I do it? bec it was proven that I was able to do these:

Eat Clean
Train Dirty

but separately.. there is no question if I CAN, but it is the WILL to do both TOGETHER

the trainer who approached me to join had seen me when I was at 102kgs, when I first started at the gym and he has seen my progress.. on how I toughed it out until I became a hard core gym junkie (which he did not approve of)

and he saw me lose all the weight with just the diet.

he is now asking, why not try combine both, NOW? am I really the "all or nothing" type? he said I should change that now real quick bec this is not feasible in the long run..

lots of thoughts in my head right now.. internalizations..

dooodeeeddooooo...

EDay 5: Still Hungry

Argghhhhhh! I miss them sweets!!! -- the lingering thought I had throughout the day...

Last day of the working week! Im excited.. well excited because it is the weekend but at the same time a little bit worried. Just a tad. I know I can do this, but the call of food was strong yesterday and it was a close call.

Im done with meds, but I still have a cold. Its not getting better.. Im a bit worried. It could be allergies? What is going on? Im going to the doc soon to get this checked.. just not this weekend!

:D

Hmm..

EDay 5: DV free.

EDay 4: Hungry

Woke up.. glad the scale has moved down.. -400gms

I will stop updating now. I used to update every 7days, so Im going to do just that. But I guess my first week wouldnt show much.. I guess its the meds..

Today was pretty hectic.. But I felt a crash around afternoon, I felt hungry. I wanted to have those polvorons.. anything! I tried all the advices on the forum-- drink more water, have tea, get busy, more water and I did so, with a minor argument going on inside my head about deviating or not deviating

Me: 1 polvoron.. how could it hurt?
Me: Arghhh! you know you cant just have 1 polvoron!! you know it!! And then 3 days will be wasted

It went on for some time, and before I knew it, its time to leave for my last swimming class. I need to start practicing after this.

Weekend is yet to come.. lets see then.

All meals taken on time, 1 fruit, vitamins and crackers too. 1 DC

EDay 4: DV free.

EDay 3: Eh?

Woke up, and gained +200gms

Why? No deviations whatsoever... Could it be:

1) the saltiness of my meals the past 2 days?
2) the medicines Im taking-- Augmentin, Neomol, Clarinase?
3) food measurements off? maybe??

What is it?!  I am at 73 now.. I feel kind bloated... or was it my imagination?

Fck it! I am still going to be on EP! Which reminds me, I need to shop.. I didnt even have eggs for this morning, had to fall back on the low fat yogurt.

Met with a friend for a DC.. haha I had a DC, she had her pulled pork for dinner and 2 beers. Had my dinner around 10:30

All meals taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 3DCs

EDay 3: DV free

EDay 2: Holey Moley..

Ok.. today was... ugh!

 

There was a birthday celebrant in the office and she had her carrot cake for everyone around 10:30 in the morning.. on top of that, she pulled out, 2 big bowls of lindt choco balls!!!

 

I bravely said "No thank you." but  my head was saying: "kill me.. kill me now!"

 

I took a few of those chocolates for the bf. Seriously.. how tough am I? hahahaha

 

Around 12pm, I realize.. dang! Oktoberfest is coming up.. and I realized I will be around 3 wks in if I keep this up.. Office will be having hosted events, similar to the Maifest ones I organized for our agents.

 

Will I be as strong enough then?

 

Then at 2pm, I realized.. dang! If I do this straight, I figured it will take 2 months to lose the weight that I have to lose and that will be exactly 7days away from my next trip.. And this trip is a trip back home.  Itinerary is not final yet, but what I know is that I have 2 clubbing nights, 1 hen's night and 1 wedding to attend to.

 

Should I start refeed earlier so I dont sabotage this???

Im getting ahead of myself and I am not even over the 10day detox period. Or the 1st wkend challenge.

 

At 5pm, colleague came in and distributed chocolate muffins for everyone. Took 2, to be given to the bf. This is not good... for him :D

 

Hmmm..

 

Today was alright. Had to endure the popcorn and nacho smell as I watched Maze Runner..

 

All meals taken on time (well dinner at 10), vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 2DCs.

 

EDay 2: DV free.

EDay1: Rinse and Repeat

from a happy bunny to a silly rabbit.. :(

Hola! This is getting silly.. 5th attempt.. whew.

I was not able to keep on the diet whilst on the trip, but man did I move a lot. We walked and walked, hiked and biked for almost a day. The weather was excellent!! sunny with a cool breeze.

When i came back to the desert, I got sick, but still went on with all the social plans and worked as Im supposed to be. I did not get any better. So I decided on Wednesday to just take the day off and try to recuperate somehow. Didnt happen,  I got more sick that I had to take an off on Thursday and see the doctor. Right now, Im on a 7 day medication - antibiotics, paracetamols, anti allergy.


I am back to work on Sunday though, and back on my day 1

Here I go..

EDay 1:

Somebody told me about this before, when I failed my third attempt:

"Rinse and repeat ma'am.. rinse and repeat."

So here I am, not stopping. But its kinda getting silly and not to mention tiring. But whose fault is that?

The day went well, I was so busy that I was not even able to finish my cracker and fruit allowance. However, I think my meals are too salty. Hmmm.

I still have the sniffles, still on medication, voice still sound a bit sick, but Im definitely better.

All meals taken on time, vitamins too. Crackers, 1 fruit, 1 DC. 1 hour swimming class today.

Eday 1: DV free

DDay 10-11: Tougher than I though

Dissapointment. I gave in.

Afternoon of Day 10, I gave in to my friend's cooking. Probably, I got curious on how that Ukranian pancake would taste like. :( I had 1.5 pancakes, a quinoa beetroot salad with pine nuts and goat cheese, 4spoonfuls of rice and lentils. It was yummmy..

When i reach the bfs place.. braai.. Had a tiny piece of roasted potato and a chicken leg.  I also ate Combos :/

Come next day, deviated again. Breakfast was good. Then went for movies, and had my own small tub of caramel popcorn, munched on combos, all through the afternoon and night (but didnt finish the small pack), had a cup of the quinoa salad, shared a pint of Ben and Jerry's with the bf..

Junk of a weekend.. argh..

Dissapointment.. :'( and Ive got only myself to blame.

DDay 9:: Feeling good..

Because its the weekend! hahaha.. I have a fully packed weekend, starting tonight. Its not all fun though, mostly errands.. with saturday spending time with the beau.

Or could it be Im close to the Zone border?? tee heeeee

Or most probably because I got good sleep. I slept around 11pm yest.

Im travelling next week, 1-2 Sept in AUH and 4-9 in EU. I will not have that much time to clean, cook, pack.. its crazy.

For my 4-9 sept trip. I plan to cook my meals on the 2nd & 3rd evening  (2 meals per day as breakfast I can take from the places Im staying at, they will have eggs or I can buy yogurt :D.) . I can sleep on the flight.

Its best effort time ppl!!!!! I need to lose as much as I can by end of Sept!!!

If the food gets spoiled on the later part of the trip, at least I tried and been on the program for most part of my trip.. If all are preserved, then lucky me! Get to save a lot of euros too.. heheheh..

I didnt have my crackers today, Im glad though, coz I got to consume them in the evening, while Im cooking. At least I have something to eat after 9pm when hunger striked. I just had to condition my mind during the day when I felt hungry. I had my fruits with me.

All meals taken on time today. Vitamins, crackers, fruits were within allowance. 2DCs

DDay 9: DV free

DDAy 8: Emotions and Eating

Do not underestimate the power of this phrase.

Gained 1.2kg!! wtf? Did I have too much DCs yesterday? I think I had more than a liter!?!? Did my lack of sleep do this? :'(

I will not weigh myself again until I have to. Im feeling sad right now.. and surprisingly.. missing the bf.. well much.. jeez.. I just saw him on Sunday... errrmmm.. so unfamiliar territory.

Tried not to be cranky.. not easy. but after coffee.. everything was bright again! #coffeelover hahahaha

I have my food for today stocked in the office, but still cooked my breakfast for today and tomorrow plus 1 meal. Im keeping this having 2 days worth of meals available all the time.

I gave away the last Provita pack I had at home. I really cant handle that. I end up eating more than what Im allowed, and once I start, its difficult to stop. I need to stock up on ryvitas.

Come midday, i had a huge argument with one of my best friends. Took a lot out of me. I was so bummed in the evening that I had a strong urge to just chuck this diet and eat something nice, something tasty. Anything! Went for a beer with a colleague at a nearby Irish pub.. well she had beer and I had a DC :D and after an hour I wanted to eat soooooo badly! It took a good 30 mins of saying "yah order.." "nooooo I cant eat" literally. How annoying is that? Im glad my colleague didnt punch me in the face..

It was extremely difficult. The internal struggle, reasoning with yourself whether or not to give in. The reasons to give in are very powerful, despite  sounding silly enough in my head. I almost did give in.

My success (for today) depended on just 1 word,1 thought, 1 phrase, 1 decision - NO. THANK YOU.

I will not give in. Sounds easy right? Think again..

Reached home before 9, shaking with hunger and anticipation. Had my last serving of crackers with a teaspoon of light mayo and ate my cauli rice with minced beef.

And everything was alright...

All meals taken on time, fruits, vitamins and crackers too. 2 DCs.

DDay 8:DV free.

DDay 7: The Ugly Truth

Back at 71kgs.. 

I just heard my heart break a bit right there.

I weighed myself today for the Spring Challenge on the forum. It hurts to update my ticker.. From 63kgs back to 71kgs. Im looking at the silver lining here, at least I was not back to 76.9kgs! thats a good 10 lbs off right here..  :(

Target goal was 57kgs.. which I still think is dangerously low, I'd probably be skin and bones by then. And that is a whopping 14kgs away! 14 fucking kilos!! whew. I am more than glad to lose just 10kgs.

I want this 10kg gone by end of September. But this would mean a lot of sacrificing. I may really have to pack food on my 6 day trip to Munich- Vienna - Zurich.

I have to do this.

Woke up with determination and prepared all my meals for today and tomorrow!! :D I seriously wont let myself end like I did yesterday. But I miscalculated the time that I didnt have enough to cook my breakfast. I thought, I can get yogurt from the only grocery in our office building, a low fat one at that. And it was just my luck that there is only 1 left of the plain low fat yogurt..

Whew...

I went to swimming class today. Cant say I wasnt hungry by the end of it :D  And being prepared with a meal paid off today. I got an impromptu invite for a ladies night! I was just so glad that I had my dinner with me, ate it before meeting the girls, and had 2 diet coke's the whole evening..

Reached home by 12:30 though.. so amount of sleep im sure is compromised.

DDay 7: DV free.

DDay 6: Too Busy.. Is there such a thing?

Back to work.

Slept late last night, so I woke up late as well. I just had a yogurt and fruit for breakfast then cooked and packed my lunch..

I must admit, this diet really works. In a span of 5-6 days, the bloat on my face and tummy has somehow diminished.. It just really works. It makes you think:

why dont you just follow it??

Is it not worth it??

Why do you have to give in to the junk, which you already know does nothing good for you but instant gratification??

Was that instant gratification worth it??

Anyhoo, our office is still up to its abundant self. I came in this morning, went to the pantry for my usual black coffee and there it was-- a huge arrangement of arabic sweets from a colleague available to everyone for the taking, no reason.. no occassion.

Glad that I dont eat arabic sweets. Hmmmm...

I didnt cook my dinner for today as I woke up so late this morning. And by evening, I got so caught up with errands + the dentist visit that it was already 9pm and I havent eaten my dinner. I was so so so hungry to the point of dizzy.

I tried to wait it out, but was kind of impossible to reach home by 9:30. I already had a yogurt for breakfast, so that was not an option. Fruit and crackers allowances are consumed.

By 09:30, I caved. I ate the crackers, half a pack of it to be exact.

When I reached home by 10:30, I searched the forum about skipping meals. I really didnt feel like eating dinner. I just wanted to sleep. All the post about it had a big message of DO NOT SKIP MEALS! Hmm.. I was full from the crackers and I wanted to sleep. So I went to the kitchen and started measuring.

But I stopped. I was not hungry. Why do I have to eat when Im not hungry?

I know that was not so Coheny- Zonious move that I just made, but fact is, Im not hungry. So I kept what I have measured for the next day and went to bed by 12 after winding down in front of the telly.

Brekkie and lunch taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 1 DC

Note to self: "ALWAYS have your meals with you. ALWAYS."

DDay 6: NOT DV free.

DDay 5: Still Hungry

I took an off from work today. Feels good not to be working on a working day :p

Woke up early and spent 3 hours in the garden just soaking up some morning sun and light breeze..

Had my omelette breakfast but it didnt suffice. I felt hungry 1 hour later.. even with the multivitamin..

Im out of crackers..

All I can think about were McDonalds pepper chicken wings..

Went for groceries for more stuff..5 days on the plan.. couldnt break this now. I wanted to pass on the Provitas because from experience, it starts the deviation for me. As much as I wanted to avoid it, i was so hungry and was that close to deviating. I was at the supermarket for chrissakes!! Fruit allowance was over by lunch and my only salvation until i can have my dinner are those damn crackers!! Gave in to provitas.. had 2 pcs within allowance. Im glad to have the rest of my cracker allowance later on the day.

Also had a massage today.. long overdue.. then went to a friends place to finalize our trip 's itinerary.

All in all, its one of those days when you just have to move with the motions.. it could have been better..

All meals take on time, fruits and vitamins too. 2 DCs

DDay 5: DV free.

DDay 1-4: ENOOOOUGHHH!!

Ugh!! Im sick of having to repeat day 1 over and over again, its embarrasing! I really hate this.. and I have so many excuses.. World Cup, Iftars, birthdays, going away parties, dates(!), I will start tomorrow.. its endless!

Needless to say, I feel like I have regained everything that I lost. I am scared to step on that scale. For now I am just thinking of getting back to routine. Whatever I weigh at the end of the month, if I do this right, couldnt be so bad, and I will be happy with it.

One day at a time...

Lets roll...

DDay 1 (20th Aug): Looking Good

This day started like any other day. I started it with the intention of being CD clean.

Had yogurt and peach for breakfast. Done.

Day went by until lunch. Ate my chicken with veggie lunch..

Afternoon went by without difficulty. I was like, hey.. i can do this.. let me shop for groceries later..

I wanted to keep the feeling.. and follow through..

I had a plan to meet my friends after work tomorrow and head straight to my "bf" 's house for the weekend (oh yes.. i do have 1 now.. so odd how it happened) 

And there is no way for me to follow through but to prepare 4 days worth of meals.. pack up.. freeze them and just carry it with me and to hell what they would say..

and i did just that. I cooked meals(even breakfast) for 4 days!

Dinner was cauli garlic fried rice with minced beef.. YUMMY!

All meals CD clean, taken on time. Vitamins and cracker allowance too..1 DC

DDay 1: DV free.

Dear God help me!

DDay 2: Ready

This was how I felt this day - Ready. Ready to take on the CD.. ready to take on the weekend... ready and cant wait to be healthy and drop the weight I've gained back..

It was a normal day in the office. Normal hustle and bustle..

There was a birthday celebration in the office. 2 huge honey cakes. I didnt have any.

Met my friends at 8pm for a mani pedi.. had my dinner once they finished with my hands :D after the session, i drove straight to the middleof the desert to join le bf and ze boys for some braai.

Yes, braai.

Surprisingly with all the meat and biltongs... i did not cave in. Just had my last fruit allowance for the day.

Placed my food for the next 3 days in his fridge. Crackers on standby.

Yes, Im ready.

All meals taken on time. 1 vitamin, 1 DC, all crackers within allowance.

DDay 2: DV free.

DDay 3: Stronger than I thought

Woke up around 830 and went outside where we had the braai.. and i love the change of scenery! Trees.. grass.. capt jack the dog.. fresh air.. a bit humid.. but its alright.. 

Made myself a cuppa black.. took my sunnies.. sat on those chairs.. and chilled talking with the boys..

Btw the bf and friends live in the same compound. And they despise veggies! They call it goat food. :D so they made fun of my egg omelette with finely chopped cabbage, mushrooms, onion and tomato.. they looked at me as if im a weirdo. In my head, go make fun of me all you want.. I dont care.. lets see who will have the last laugh! 

By 930, it become quite hot to sit outside so went back in, showered, watched tv and napped.

Went for movies today.. i thought i was only going to be faced by the popcorn temptation.. but hell no..

We watched Hercules AND Lucy. While watching Hercules.. the bf had 1 caramel popcorn and 1 orange and grape slush..and I had 1 DC. The smell of popcorn... daym!!

I ate my lunch during the movie.

Before watching Lucy, he bought another slush AND NUTELLA CREPE. Holy crepe!!! I almost caved!!! Wtf!!!! He knows im doing this, so he is not going to let me have it and of course I cant make him not eat what he wants in front of me as this is my choice.. but mannnnnnnnn..... almost caved..

after 2 movies.. i was triumphant!

We reached home. His flatmate was home. Kept munching on Godiva chocolates.. kept offering me too.. I kept saying "No. Thank you." REPEATEDLY. Oh.. do not underestimate the power of this phrase.

I am certainly craving by evening. For ice cream!! Bf kept saying "No. You will not."

Flatmate saying.. "you passed the junk test in the cinema..do not fail."

Gritted my teeth and ate my dinner. 1 hr later.. ate my last fruit for the day.

All meals taken on time. All within allowance. 2 DCs. No vitamins though.

DDay 3: DV free.

DDay 4: Bring on the Hunger

Day started fine. Woke up by 7 as I slept by 9pm! Cant remember when was the last time I slept so early and had straight sleep. 

Bfs work starts early at 6..so he was out and I spent the morni g sitting in the garden sipping my black cuppa... and capt jack kept me company.. sweet dog.. it was windy today so I stayed there until 930.. had breakfast there. I chatted with the flatmate's gf who was in Tanzania.. i was feeling bored :/

Bf kept popping by though.. once at 8, then 9. He had to do extra work til 10..a new drone came so he  had to check it out.

Today was a chilled out day. Just watched tv.. napped.. since i wasnt doing much.. i felt hungry quickly. I had 1 fruit and 2 crackers before 12noon! My food rationing today was not good. I know i will be rrally hungry by dinner...

i was craving big time! For anything! I am so close to caving in. Flatmate prepared cheese, capers on top of salted crackers! Huwaaahhhhh! I wanted to have even that!! 

But I didnt. Just chugged my DC.

Had my lunch exactly at the 5hr mark. It was tasty btw. I seasoned my tilapia fillet with dried rosemary,thyme, bit of salt, and lotsa pepper.. Stir fried it with boiled cabbage, baby asparagus, mushrooms, green pepper, garlic and tomatoes.. topped it of with an almost ripe mango (1 cheek) YUMMY!!!!!

Watched rugby with the bf. Im starting to enjoy this game :D napped afterwards.. then he had to work again from 4-8.

Was getting antsy. There is a bottle of nutella in the fridge..

by 6, i finished my cracker allowance. All i have left was my dinner

The flatmate came home with his shawarma and curly fries!!! My lord!!! Huhuhuhu i so want those curly fries. I opened another DC.

Had dinner at 8.

All meals taken on time. No multivitamins. Fruits and crackers within allowance. 2 DCs

DDay 4: DV free.

BDay 8-9: Easing in

BDay 8

So I failed to be DV free yesterday.

But, I honestly feel loads better today.. I feel like my face is less bloated.. My colds had somewhat turned down a notch, I feel lighter also.. Im stressing on the word 'feel' coz my tummy is protruding.. its depressing..

Anyway.. another day..

Reached home, ate 1 packet of provitas (!!) but CHOCOLATE AND JUNK FREE TODAY!! whooopeee!!

Ate CD breakfast and lunch, no dinner (fell asleep from 7pm), 2 DCs.

BDay 8, not DV free.



ohhhmm nommm nomm nommm

BDay 9
I am amazed on how sugar affects the body.. For the past weeks that I have been bingeing on chocolates (big time), each day/ next morning, I always felt bloated esp. my face., my overall mood is that of sad or off, I've had consistent colds, and my weight had shot up like anything.

But in just 2 days of reducing my sugar intake significantly (BDay 7- had 1 bar of chocolate, and BDay 8 - no chocolates at all), I felt totally different - the bloatedness [feeling] in my face is totally gone (not in my tummy though :( ), and I really felt loads better mood-wise..

Despite the odd sleep time I had yesterday (slept early, woke up at 12mn, couldnt sleep til 4am), I am upbeat and chirpy :D today and all I can think of is that from today onwards, I can do this.. I can do the CD clean path (Or so I thought)

Breakfast and lunch taken today.. lunch was late.. woke up late due to the Germany -  Brazil match.. BTW, what was that all about??? Brazil was humiliated in their own territority! yikes! 

Binged on Provitas again! :(

had 2 full pakistani mangoes.. yummmm

didnt have dinner.. fell asleep around 7.. woke up now (10:45) completed this entry bec I would.like to sleep.again...if I cook.. i will lose my sleep..

BDay 9, not DV free..

BDay 7: Scary Day

Why?

For the so many attempts of going back on plan, I usually give in on the 2nd day..  :/

Nothing special today, went to work, switching between working and reading on the forum.. Being active there really helps a lot in keeping yourself in check and more confident on being Cohen clean..

How did I feel today? I am detoxing.. Kinda hazy, having the sniffles, light headache, and craving like anything!

Bought myself some tilapia fillets, I havent had fish for some time.. My recipes are the same thing everyday.. I mean how can I spruce up my dishes when I AM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY HOT SPICES!!!! ( Im still not over this?!) so its basically salt and pepper for me.. no paprika.. no cayenne.. grrrrrr..

Oh, and I booked my car on the weekend. Im getting a red Nissan Juke S. The car will be available by 25th. I hated this car the first time I saw it, but in every occassion that I see it on the road, there were times that I really find it cute and then on the other times, ugly.. Im confused if I like the look of this car or not. :D and thats why I went for it. Weird huh?

Interior, its like the same as a Tiida or a Yaris, Ive read the VW Golf is bigger inside. I used to have a Dodge Charger, and I am a sucker for muscle cars, spacious ones at that. But due to Dubai not getting any cheaper and salary not getting any better, I had to find ways to economize. The time I had the Charger for 4 years, I mostly drove it alone, or with 1 passenger in the front, so I didnt really get to maximize the 'big car'. So Im ok with the cabin space of the Juke. If I will have taller passengers, maybe above 5'9", headroom might be a problem :D as the Juke is sloping towards the rear.

I actually liked the boot of this car, coz there is a covered space where in a 'tray' can be used for storage and can be lifted to reveal the spare wheel storage.. I got kinda excited with this hidden tray to be honest coz who doesnt like to hide their mess?? :D Im thinking my stock of shoes can now be hidden out of plain sight :D I do tend to pile up shoes in the car coz I dont wear them from my home - parking - home.. I park my car in a sandy area at home so wearing slippers is the best way for me..

 

I got a good Ramadan deal with Nissan too- 2yrs service contract or 30k kms, 5year warranty, free 1 year insurance, and 4months deferred payment if I take my loan from a certain bank..

 

Im still reading other reviews, and almost all of the reviews are torn between hating and loving the look of this car.. :D

 

I would have wanted to get the Juke Turbo basic.. I test drove that one and I loved it, but they said its not going to be availabe until Sept and that too not confirmed. And since im economizing, I am telling myself to be ok to go for the non-turbo one.. and maybe get the BHP adjusted to 139 (from 117). That may give me some kick.. some.. not a lot :D

 

Enough of the car talk..

 

I binged on Provitas in the evening + 1 chocolate bar.. well its an improvement.. at least I did not eat 8 chocolate bars today :/

 

All meals and vitamins taken on time.. All cracker and fruit allowance consumed.. 1 DC

 

BDay 7, DV not free!!

 

 

BDay 6: New Day

Its another day and felt optimistic during the day. I signed up for swimming classes and today was the 1st day.

I learned how to swim on my own but I want to properly learn how to do this so I can then sign up for surfing lessons.. :D Im not that confident that my swimming skills can save me on deep waters just yet..

The class today was pretty basic..

I froze my gym membership for 1 month. I guess I wont be needing it for now.. I just bought a pair of rollerblades and used them once as its sooooooooo hot right now even in the evenings.. [but Im still thinking of going one of these nights, maybe I can survive..)

Root canal is done.. whew.. way less painful process than my last one..

Period stopped, and it didnt really flow that much as before.. somehow I felt like the cravings are lesser (??)

Im not in a happy place right now as I have gained so much, I feel bloated, and totally out of control.. But still pushing through until I get this mf down!!

Im trying to figure out how can I make myself work the same way I did, have the same discipline I had. Somehow my old tactics are not working on me. I dont know if Im not giving myself enough tough love, or I am being too tough on myself and as an act of rebellion, I am bingeing. Does that make sense??

I am my worst enemy and my best ally..  and I need to choose which one to be...

If I think about it, when Im perfectly fine and not craving, its just food..its just chocolates..  I can surely resist this junk.. I mean I did.. why couldnt I do it now?

Easy.. today.. junk.. resist.. a DV free day..

Then during my craving periods.. the craving just overpowers the rationale..

noommm nommm.. call grocery.. fuck I feel bad about this.. call grocery for more junk.. boom.. a day not DV free

I despise myself right now..

All meals and vitamins taken on time. All crackers and fruit allowance eaten too.

BDay 6, DV free

BDay 3-5: Meh..

Not DV free

Not eating full CD..

Still bingeing..

Urgh..

Tomorrow is another day to try.. and hopefully bring you all some better news..

BDay 2: Ramblings of a Hungry Tummy

Root canal process started today.. :/

Oh and I got my period today! Well, some spotting.. My period stopped after the 1st month I was on plan..So maybe that explains the extreme choco cravings?? yikes.. and Im still craving btw, could be a part of detox but I so want a bag of Cheetos Cheese right now!!

Knowing that its just day 2, makes it easier for me to reason with myself to deviate.. That Im just undoing 1 day of hard work, I would feel less guilty, than give in 3 days later..

Jeez!

my other 2 friends back home also started deviating after 2 months.. this is really not easy..

cant stop thinking about those damn Cheetos!!! should I just opt for the lesser evil and buy me some Provita's to binge on?? oh the things that are going on inside my head!!!

I dont know how much more I can reason with my cravings..  and this is me with a slightly hurting tooth and a mild headache..

Its 2PM, and IM HUNGRRRRYYYY!!! WHY AM I SO HUNGRY?! (and so whiny? :D)

Ok come to think of it, everytime Im craving anything, it makes it all alright once I have the food.. the craving is satisfied, thus I feel better for it..

by 3:30.. I gave in to the cravings until evening.. :'(

dissapointed, but will not slink away.. I will admit to every single deviation until I whip myself back into shape.

Day 2, not DV free.

Daily Temptations List 2014

I decided to create this post because 5days into my program, I noticed my office had nothing but! junk food to offer us. So I guess, this has contributed to weight gain as well. I will keep on adding as the days go by..

These were all the sweets/junk food available to me during office hours. A rundown:

Day 1: Weekend/No work

Day 2: Birthday Cake in the office - 1 choco mousse and 1 cheesecake

Day 3: Milka chocolates for everyone

Day 4: Cookies, Muffins, sweet bread, chocolates outside the big meeting roomm

Day 5: Chocolates from Zurich being passed around

Day 6: Donuts in the pantry (forgot what it is for)

Day 7 & 8: Weekend / No work

Day 9: 2 sets of chocolate cake, sweets, sweet puffs, bread, German cold cuts, fruits- all provided by 1 colleague in celebration of Women's Day. Later on the in the afternoon, there is a cake again for my colleagues birthday.

Day 10: Danish Cookies and 4 doz of Krispy Kreme Donuts in the pantry - another birthday treat from a colleague. By lunch time, a bowl full of Chocolate Eclaires

Day 11: Caramel Popcorn, Baked Cheesecake from a colleague.

Day 12: None --- wow

Day 13: Cookies and muffins outside the meeting room-- i miss cookies!

Day 14 & 15: Weekend

Day 16: Birthday cake in the pantry

Day 17: Toblerone minis being given out by a colleague who just came back from training in Zurich.. ugh!

Day 18: Pakistani sweets.. I heard its the best.. ; Chocolate covered Danish Cookies just on the aisle table where everyone passes by and can just simply take a piece :/

Day 19: 1) Donuts in the pantry from the other birthday celebrant..
2) Chocolate mousse cake from me :D

Day 20: 1) Cookies during our meeting
2) Orange Cupcakes with cream cheese on top, baked my colleague.. and she bakes awesome!! *whew*

Day 21-22: Weekend / No work

Day 23: Merci chocolates from HO..--> no, merci madamme... :)

Day 24 & 25: Im off work

Day 26: Cookies outside the meeting room

Day 27: none :-O

Day 28 & 29: Weekend / No work

Day 30: Some banana chips and other indian junk food in the pantry.. yummm.. i remember them tasting awesome with a cola..

Day 31: 1) BIG FAREWELL PARTY-- All Turkish Food!!! Smells divine! I havent had turkish food before, so I guess Im missing out on something good... :/

2) Cornetto Ice cream for everybody!! Just as a treat from one of my colleagues...

Day 32: MnMs in a big bowl for everyone! ufff.. I was offered Patchi chocolates by a business contact and I took 3, kept them in my chocolate loot bag inside my drawer. Im starting to have a chocolate collection! :D

Day 33: 25th year anniversary of a colleague. They specifically flew in a chocolate cherry fondant cake from Germany (with the company branding :D). This place is officially killing me [inside] :D

Day 34: none :D

Day 35-36: Weekend

Day 37: 1) A bowl full of hersheys chocolate nuggets from my colleague who just came back from the US

2) Mocha mousse cake for a colleagues birthday ( we have a whole floor of colleagues who know each other mostly)

Day 38: 1 chocolate mousse cake, 1 honey cake, 1 fruit cake-- colleague's birthday.. (yes, big office to fill almost each day of the calendar)

Day 39: none :-O

Day 40: 1 fruit cake tart and 1 strawberry cheesecake -- colleague's birthday (oh yes, almost everyday of the year its someones birthday in the office)

Day 41: 1 chocolate topped cheesecake, 1 honey cake --- colleague's birthday.. (everyday..)

Day 42-43: Weekend/no work

Day 44: None

Day 45: 1 marble cake and 1 ice cream cake for a colleague who got promoted

Day 46: Sri Lankan sweets in celebration of Avurudu (New Year)

Day 47-48: none

Day 49-50: Weekend/no work

Day 51: 1) A choco chip butter cake baked by my colleague
2) easter bunny chocolate on my desk :)
3) 1 apple pie and 1 cheesecake for a colleague's birthday

Day 52: 1) 2 home made loaves of bread and a jar of nutella in the pantry
2) home made gooey chocolatey brownies *drool*

Day 53: Do these count? -> we hosted an official party for our agents at Hard Rock Cafe, so deep fried canapes (mozarella cheese, calamari and the likes) and mini burgers + alcohol are being passed around in front of me from 7:30- 12:00mn

Day 54: Banana chips from India --> if you have never had this, I would say this is one delicious snack you can munch on, I cant seem to stop when I have this.. yummeh..

Day 55: none

Day 56-57: Weekend/no work

Day 58: 1 chocolate ferrero cake & 1 apple pie-- colleague's birthday

Day 59: Farewell party for our RM, its a full on catering from a 5 star hotel..OMG..the food I missed looked so good.. :'( 5 star hotel food, and 5 star hotel sweets.. The amount of food is mind boggling...

That huge carrot cake has taunted me like nothing.. I cried inside for that carrot cake....

Day 60: Tons of left over desserts from yesterday. A lot to fill 2 fridge/s..

Day 61: 1 apple pie and 1 choco mousse cake- colleague's birthday..

Day 62: 1) 1 honey cake and 1 chocolate cake - colleague's birthday
2) brownies to celebrate the 1st year of the youngest department in the company..

Day 63-64: Weekend/No Work

Day 65: Does this count? -- someone brought a chicken salad and 1 choco muffin for me.. I gave it to my colleague..

Day 66-69: None -- but doesnt mean Im deviation free

Day 70-71: Weekend/No Work -- but doesnt mean Im deviation free

Day 72: Donuts in the hallway table.. just because.. no occassion..

Day 73-74: Dont remember, forgot to update

Day 75-77: Out of the country, temptation everywhere

Day 78: None

Day 79: Sacher cake from another colleague of ours.. hmmm nyummm

Day 80: None

Day 81: None

ADay 1: Im off work

ADay 2: Chocolates from a friend who just came back from Vegas. New loot bag started

ADay 3: Combination of 4 birthday celebrations = 4 cakes :-O

- 1 fruit cake
- 1 strawberry cheesecake
- 1 honey cake
- 1 ice cream cake--- > was not able to resist this one :(

CDay 1 - ferrero rocher chocolates from a colleague
             - 1 carrot cake and 1 honey cake for 2 of my colleagues birthday
             - strawberry cheesecake ice cream at a friend's place

DDay 1: None

DDay 2: Colleague's birthday - 2 honey cakes
               Meat from braai *drooool*

DDay 3: Movies- caramel popcorn, nutella crepe (holy crepe!)

DDay 4: Normal snacking by friends

DDay 5 : Chocolate cupcakes baked by my colleague (im glad i was not in office!)

DDay 6: Arabic sweets

DDay 7: None

DDay 8: None

DDay 9: Milka chocolate being passed around..

DDay 10-11: Weekend

BDay 1: Still Here

Im still here.. Still trying..  and its tough to get over the chocolate cravings..

As observed before, Im good during the day but I crash and give in by night, massively..

Now Im bloated, gained a good amount of weight in that short span of time,mostly due to the chocolates and sweets. I dont even eat outside food and when I do, I dont eat so bad or so much..

Why am I having such a tough time?!? I keep asking myself this. If I was able to do it the first time, I should be able to do this again right?

I have come up with several reasons as to why Im having such a difficult time. I am trying as much as possible to reason with my head and I refuse to accept fully, that "oh, its just hormones!"

1) Arrogance: the thought of having done it once and was successful about it, makes me think that I can do this again, anytime! "you people just watch out.. hmpf!"

2) Leniency: Im being lenient with myself, using the knowledge that the program will work once I start following it 100%. It will work, so why not eat the stuff I want today and start tomorrow.. its just 1 day....

3) "Im ok": this feel good statement.. uff.. I know I am ok, but I also know I want to be better. I am now at my somewhat "ok" / "forgivable" / "normal" size so yah... Im ok..  which leads me back to # 2.. and to make not being on plan more "reasonable", I listen to people saying that I looked "pale, too thin, skin on my face sagging" (when I was at 63kg) and that now I look "better, healthier, pleasant" despite feeling my clothes become tight on me, and my tummy is slightly protruding again!

4) Stress: I had to include this one, with the stuff thats been going on for the past few months, climaxing in June.. I bet somehow had made me lose focus on goal, and then everything snowballed from there.. Just to give you a rundown:

May

- broke up with my best friend
- went to a conference in VIE
- ruined Vienna personal trip and the stress of trying to make it work
- planning for our annual event in June-- from A-Z by myself- hotel and menu selection, entertainment, guestlist, follow-ups (with the help colleagues, thank God!), press, press kits, speech, presentation
- we were officially told about my boss and SM are being made redundant
- France trip-- the stress of it almost not happening due to flights being full and too expensive, looking for alternatives

June

- hosted our annual event
- prepared everything related to my boss leaving- farewell party, turnovers, reimbursements, movers, exit documents, family tickets, reco letters, coordination with HO- a lot of admin stuff
- farewell parties - for boss and SM- collecting money for gifts, farewell cards signed by the whole office, caterer

On top of this, I have personal issues too, that I do spend time to think about:

- job hunting- i couldnt even squeeze this in
- travelling- i want to travel more!
- financial obligations at home
- career - im at a standstill and both of my friends are flying high.. oh did i mention both are married too? I cant even begin to tell you how stressful this is.. my career and lovelife are both mediocre.. non existent..

Oh, and yesterday, I found out that I will need another root canal!! My old dentist did a botched up job with my fillings and now Im paying for it. I've gone for a full xray to see which are the problem areas as i am feeling pain on both my lower and upper teeth on the right side..  money down the drain again.. :(

Im just glad Ramadan has started. Everything slows down during this month, giving me the time to focus, and hopefully we will have lesser food in the office. But since the majority of colleagues are non-muslims, eating and drinking openly is not an issue.

Meals and vitamins taken on time, 1 DC + on antibiotics and painkillers for my tooth..

BDay 1, DV free.

ADay 5-8: Struggling

OMG.. Im struggling really hard with the detox.. the chocolate detox.. :(

Im stuck around 67-68kgs

on ADay5-7, I am good during the day and terrible in the evening. I usually end up eating chocolates alone! Well, I had Sumo delivered again on ADay5, and KFC on ADay6 and ADay 7, I had eaten a pumpkin risotto which was yum, and had a Chi-Chi drink which was wow and whew! :D

What I realized about this struggle is that it was caused by the feeling of deprivation. Its not a mind blowing discovery but more of a realistic one. "Oh.. I have to eat this <enter junk name> as much as I want now because tomorrow I will start the strict regime again", which in turn builds on the addiction and therefore making the detox process tougher. AND I can eat A LOT of chocolates until I feel sick..

Despite the realization, I still am struggling with my Day1 for 2wks. There were days when I am Cohen clean, only to break down on the next day.

ADay 7 was a clean day, but the amount of control I had to exert in the evening.. OMG..I was really itching to call for chocolates.. I mean I was really really craving that I felt that I was suffering.. Talk about withdrawal symptoms.. Which carried on ADay 8.

ADay 8 was full on chocolate cravings.. You cannot imagine! and by 6pm, I gave in. Plus I didnt have dinner packed that day and forgot that it was the Germany vs Portugal match which I watched with colleagues at a pub. So I ended up eating outside, having a normal coke (no diet or zero DC available) :(

Im not giving up though.. I will still keep on trying.. I know its a mind over matter thing.. and nobody can help me do this but myself.. I just need to pull my shit together..

Busy at work as hell..

ADay 4: The Day After & My New Chucks :D

So I woke up - 67.7 kgs..

Jeez.. I need my willpower and resolve back.. like as in NOW!

I still look ok.. but my skinny jeans are now fitting me well.. it was loose on me when I was at 63kgs.

I think I just need the 1st 3 days to be clean, and after that Im good..

This is the 1st short term goal: 3 days Cohen Clean

2nd short term goal: reach 63kgs again!

Had a green apple smoothie in the morning, couldnt be bothered to cook brekkie. My meals for today were yesterday's meals which I kept in the office fridge..

There's a big brands sale near my office and I went to check it out (which I have avoided for the past few years :D) and got my first pair of Chuck Taylors!! ever! hehehe I love it.. 139 AED (USD 38) and a bronzer and lipstick (french brand, total USD 17) and that was that.. It was a sprint of  shop and Im glad that it was, otherwise I would have bought even more.. whew..

ADay4, DV Free

ADay 3: :(

After 2 days of being good.. I've fallen today.

Had my breakfast as usual

Then by noon time, the cakes came in.. Everyone is saying, "have a piece.. have a piece.." I kept saying no.. but by the time the brought in the ice cream cake.. found myself reaching for a piece and the celebrant was more than happy to give me a good slice.

:'( I am so dissapointed at myself.

And i felt the pinch in my waist straight away.. jeez..

Why is it so difficult to start again!?!??!?!!? shit!

Day of Doom.. and its just noon. Will update this post later on how my day went, I plan to eat my Cohen meals as if nothing happened..

Update: Im so pissed at myself, I didnt have lunch.. just munched on some more choccies..

And in the evening.. i ordered Katsudon from Sumo.. ate it while watching Friends..

destructive habits starting to show up....

ADay 3, Not DV free.

ADay 1 & 2: IM BACK!

and with a vengeance!

After weeks of travelling, eating, stress eating, lack of sleep, work stress, being lenient, and being lazy, Im glad to say that today is my second day back on plan and Im doing good. Man! it was difficult on my 1st day (yesterday), I had a tough detox day but I survived, and without fruit!



Milka gone in 1 week, with a
few manner wafers in between

I have succumbed to all the junk.. mainly chocolates -->I have murdered my loot bag, ate ALL the Milka chocolates I bought from Vienna in a span of 1 week (see pic).

While travelling, I ate as I felt like - when hungry and walked tons!! But still I ate chocolates and desserts like no there is no tomorrow.. Had a total of 2 glasses of wine in France (out of the 5days)

Its now (truly) proven that I can control my food: food types and portions and that I can stay away from alcohol, but chocolates... khalas.. I need to find a way to control this, because chucking it out totally is not a good way to go, I will end up bingeing which is not good for me in the long run

 I planned to be on EP since last week, but it was difficult to start once you have fallen off the bus.. VERY difficult. Been on and off the EP since 14 May-08 June.

So for those ppl who are still on the Cohen clean path, please oh please do not attempt to try to deviate, as there is a HUGE possibility that it can snowball from there.

I'm going to start a new daily temptions list, as I can see a few of them coming up. I've started my new loot bag :D

If you are wondering how did my 3wk off plan with a couple of choccie binge here and there affected me:

Clothes size: still fits me, but those that were loose are now fitting well
Weight: from 63kg to 68kg (2days ago) :-O I weighed today and I think the scale showed me 66.7kg

But Im glad Day 2 is done and conquered.

ADay 1: all meals taken on time, 1 vitamin, no DC, no fruit, and crackers. DV Free
ADay 2: all meals taken on time, 2 vitamins, 2 DCs, 1 fruit, and crackers. DV Free

*Still trying to figure out what to call this 2nd round.. so for now Im sticking to ADay # (just having the A day reminds of the movie A Team or Easy A :P )

Day 86: Snowballin..

I have fully fallen off the bus.. Fully bruised..

On top of that, Im in a shitty place right now.. I am so sad that sleeping it over and over again doesnt help. When you lose your bestfriend for a reason uncomprehensible to majority of the citizens of this earth.. but still you cannot do anything about it.. is shattering..

I have given in to emotional eating.. and a major one.. a teary emotional eating weekend.. and ofcourse I gained.

I am so busy though that I have no time to think about and feel it, until I reach my place..

This is no excuse though. I still want to finish this..

My France trip is this weekend, but my trip back home is cancelled. Thats how busy work is. I really cannot make room for it.. or my office cannot make room for it..

:'(

All meals taken on time, fruits and vitamins too. A few crackers.. no DC..

Day 86, DV free.

Day 82-85: FML!

Im stuck with my weight since I started deviating.. phewft!

Since I binged yesterday evening, I was gassy the whole day!!! :D

Its the weekend and I just cant wait for it to start..

But first things first. FML! I seriously am too busy. I had lunch at almost 5pm coz I didnt notice the time!!! I feel too inclined to deviate. Today, I forgot my colleague and her friends are here for a ski competition and that I agreed to meet with them. I totally forgot it is today (thought it was for tomorrow), and I have another dentist appointment today . Sheesh..

I did not bring my dinner today coz I thought I'll be going to the dentist and then straight home. I dont know if I can wing it without dinner, just crackers, apples and DCs OR if I should order something healthy with my colleagues. This I've noticed is quite difficult for me. I just thought if Im staying late I will eat with them, if I can leave early, I will have dinner at home.

Day 82, DV free.

My weekend was packed.. but not the way I want it to be:

My day 83 started at the beach at 07:30-10:30, massage at 11, and salon appointmet at 1pm. Had a girly time with my friend who is leaving the country for good.

In the late evening, we moved towards the desert with a group of friends, set ourselves up for some meteor shower watching. Stayed and watched from 12mn to 4am, and there was not much to see.. so sleep gone :(

Day 84, overslept til 12noon. This is one of the saddest days of my life. I got my heart broken today by the same person. Its not on purpose, its just one those things that has to happen and definitely hurt.. Quite complicated, but there is no other way. We parted ways at 6am, just in front of the tv.. crying.. laughing.. crying... Sleep gone :(

Day 85, we are on national holiday and I intended to do some work in the office. But I was a vegetable the whole day.. Giving in to self sabotage.. You have no idea how much chocolates I ate the whole day, crying..sleeping.. crying.. shattered.. its all what I ate for the day.. oh! and eggs!

Day 83-85: Not DV free. NOT AT ALL..

Day 80 & 81: Stress? Good Stress?

Im gonna be a busy worker bee for the next few weeks.. The stress levels in the office is too much and I think it will carry on until end of June.

Lots of changes happenning in the office too.

How to cope?

Lots and lots of coffee.. confirmed beach hours.. deep breathing.. and taking 1 day at a time

Day 80

Cooked my meals in the morning..

Nothing much to report, im working like crazy

Went for power yoga in the evening.. wow.. it was tiring but amazing!

All meals intact, vitamins, fruits and crackers taken.

Day 80, DV free

Day 81

Same ol grind.. cant think of anything else aside work.

Had shisha in the evening with friends.. I sooo needed that one.. :D

All meals intact, vitamins, fruits and crackers taken.

Cracker doom again today.. gosh, I finished a whole pack with the liver spread + choccies while watching Inception on cable.

What is wrong with me?!? Im starting to lose my footing..

Day 81, NOT DV free..

Day 79: You Cant Handle The Truth!!

Woke up: same weight despite the choccie and cracker hogging last night.. :/

This has got to stop. Jeez.. I cant put this off any longer.. procrastination combined with no regard for delayed gratification is disastrous in the long run.. whew

Anyhoo, this has been running along inside my head.. This very phrase.. Every now and then, I do get the question: "What did you do to lose weight?" " What's the secret? Tell me! I really need to lose weight too." " How did you do it"

I usually give a generic reply:

" There's no secret. I just eat very clean- no starch, bread, rice, chocolates, processed food. I stick to lean proteins, and veggies.. 3 meals a day, with 2 healthy snacks (fruits) in between. I do yoga 2x a week too"

More often than not, people will lose their enthusiasm upon hearing this. As if they are expecting that I would give a name of a miracle drug, or another fad diet. I do not want to give the name Cohen diet, because the CD entails more than just that. But basically, thats the concept, which if they cannot handle now, well I dont expect them to handle it by then.

I hear:

"What?? no rice/bread/ <insert processed crap name>??"

"I cant do that! I cannot resist chocolates"

"Oh.. well good on you then."

I mean, seriously people.. what do you expect me to reply? I have learned at this point in my life that you cannot cheat this process. You can cheat yes, but it will punish you like nothing by making you gain it all back, and more OR it will lead to some serious health consequences that you would wish to have never done that fad diet or taken those pills in the first place..

There were only a few instances wherein I gave the name of the program, out of which 4 had enrolled, and 2 are over their 4wks and have had tremendous losses already.

I may be struggling now, but I did surrender to the program and what an amazing loss I've had in a short span of time. And, finally, after so many years, I really do believe that this process - healthy eating and healthy lifestyle is the way to a better being. There were problem areas that were solved immediately with this diet. For example, my arms, how I have been bothered by having huge arms, but now, they are skinnier than ever without exercise!! Im just speechless.

Went to the dentist today for the last part of my root canal. Im glad this thing is done.

All meals intact, had fruits, vitamins, and 1 DC. No crackers today! whoooo hooo!!

Day 79, DV free.

Day 78: Day 1.1

Back to homebase..

Woke up: back to 65.5kgs

I was actually expecting more.. But given that it was just 4 days.. 2 kgs could be too much? With all that eating and drinking (clubbing)

Cooked my meals this morning in the hopes of being able to do this diet again. I need to stay CD clean until my next trip which will be 2wks from now..

Busy.. busy..busy..

I was good in the morning, until I reached home, had them darn crackers and crashed from there-choccies...ugh!

I need to get my shit together..

Went for hatha yoga, felt good to stretch..

Day 78, not DV free..

Day ??: I've Lost Count :D, Destination: Vienna

Im typing this, alone in the apartment my friends and I rented... why alone? Well their tickets werent issued on time by our HO (long story)..

As much as I planned this trip, everything got screwed up..

Tickets -- not issued for friends, thus travelling alone
Apartment Cost - instead of divided by 3..i have to pay it alone.. boom.. pocket damage
Weather - it is fcking stormy and cold, thus freezing and cannot really do anything
Wachau valley bike tour - cancelled due to the weather..
Shopping as nothing can be done - boom.. pocket burned...

So.....

The work part was actually good.. not great coz I lost in that group workshop to the lady who was handling the marketing from our sister airline.. who will probably take over my job pretty soon due to the migration.. she is from the lead carrier

For the past 3 days, Ive eaten like a normal person.. I ate until I feel full. Ate for my taste. Didnt hog, but didnt eat too healthy either.. Since I am in Vienna.. I had my Sacher Torte slice.. oh nyum.. and the Manner wafers.. I had a glass or 2 of Reisling too.. I love this wine.. I love Austrian wine.. period.

I have surely gained.. I can feel it on my bloated tummy. I however, do not feel so bad. I dont know why. I know I have further delayed myself from goal. Maybe Im not feeling bad coz I know I had a good time too..or somehow I expected this so I have prepared my mind that there will be times that I just need to let go and enjoy with some control.

I am not going to weigh myself when I get back, I wasnt able to weigh myself on the day of my trip and none of the places I stayed at had a weighing scale.. i will stay on plan until my france trip (in 2wks) and I guess I will have to purchase another 8wks with the online CD..

On the last evening of the trip, I went clubbing with a colleague and drank more than I should :D Had fun though..

Ugh.. delays.. life.. willpower.. difficult to juggle all together..

Day 73:Busy Bee

Too many things going on at work. But I am on plan.

Taking food to conference? not taking food to conference?

UGggghhh!! I really do want to bring at least 2 days worth of food (except meal 1s) on my flight. (Will carry my scale as well..) its just that, if the immigration denies it, I am ok to leave the food there.. Its that just cant afford the hassle of being delayed. I am on tight timelines from landing to the conference.. 40 minutes to be exact.. if I get delayed just a bit, I may miss the opening of the conference.. not good.. :/

Should I just wing it? Stay close to Cohens food? :(

I can do this! I can do this! I can MFing do this!!!!!!!!!

All meals intact, vitamins, crackers and fruits taken. 2 DCs

Day 73, DV free..

Day 72: A Brand New Day

Woke up: + 1kg (thats +2kg from this weekend)

Why do I do that? Let my laziness get the best of me??

I had a look at my pics at the party, and Im looking good.. bordering on the skinny look... some shots well, (stolen shots tell more than the one when you are posing)I look like a drug addict (as my mom & dad put it). My problem areas pre-CD were all addressed to-- my arms and thighs have become skinny without any workout at all.

And now am thinking, if I look like this now, how will I look like at goal weight? should I stay at this weight or go on?

I will go on to goal weight. But Im not sure if I would like to stay there..

With the 2 days of deviation, I wonder how will I battle on this upcoming trip? I've been going back and forth about packing my 2 days worth of food.. I will have to take a chance because some say that immigration will not allow it.. it all depends on the immigration.. I dont know..

We will be renting an apartment, seems its cheaper, so I can cook there for the next 2days... hopefully..

Im getting a bit overwhelmed on how to deal with this..

I can get scared and succumb..

OR

I can use my head, make this as an experiment, a challenge, and actually prove to myself that I can be smart about this..

Today is like any other day, but I do have so many things to do before travelling. I need to shop for food and cook.. I need to get my nails done.. I need to take my cat to the groomers.. I need to buy a pair of trousers, coz none actually fit me now.

After work, I bought the groceries, got my new trousers, got a pair of luggage bags in purple :) - hard case, 360 wheel, on sale!! went home and prepacked my proteins and veggies to cook for the next few days.

All meals intact, vitamins, fruits, crackers, 1 DC taken. 3x antibiotics and 1 pain killer taken too..

Day 72, DV free.

Day 70 & 71: Self Sabotage Weekend

All that righteous talk, phewft! out the window...

No experiment, just giving in to old habits. And its not like there something emotional that happened. No, its just me being lazy, slacking off, taking a break, or whatever it is you want to call it. I was just lazy.

Me to me: "you arrogant $^%&^*&8!! "

These two days were full of deviations all brought about by boredome, laziness, and just pure slacking off..

I have given away my stock of Provita's as it does bring out the binge. It always starts with this.

Day 70: Cracker Doom

Since I ate only crackers yesterday evening, I didnt feel so hungry when I woke up this morning. I ate Meal 2 for breakfast.. and found myself eating Provita's for the rest of the day, topped off with Liver Spread from Germany + DC.

By the time I hit the beach with a friend, I felt so bloated, it hurt to even lie on my tummy to tan my back..

Bring in the birthday celebration.

Since I didnt cook today, I ate at my friend's party that I hosted. I tried a few of this and that, not really hogged (in my opinion), but didnt choose the type of food either, had a few:

- 5 forkfulls of the bavarian pork salad
- 3 spoonfulls of that pork knuckle
- 2 spoonfulls of smoked salmon
- 3 spoonfulls of baked potato with sour cream

It was the Maifest ey!  so pork, pork pork all around!
Im guessing what I ate is a normal sized plate, almost full..

But what killed me is the desserts. I had my own:

- 2scoops of vanilla ice cream+ strawberries + vanilla cream+ topped whipped cream+ with a dash of alcohol (i think its white wine?)

- 1 slice of that strawberry cheesecake

Both were so good, I didnt even feel sorry about it. I didnt touch any alcohol..

The night was fun though, almost whole night of dancing and singing with the band. We partied for 4 hours. The birthday celebrant got so drunk :D I had 20 guests for her birthday and all had a wonderful time.

Im good with events I reckon? :D

Went home, had a laxative tea, and slept.

Day 71: Heights of Laziness

Woke up at 12noon: +1kg

Slept, ate crackers, slept, ate crackers, slept. Didnt go to the grocery to shop, didnt cook. Was able to do 1 load of laundry (yay me! Not!).

I didnt feel like eating anything else. TV on the whole day. I ordered by 2pm:

- 2 Quanta Almond on stick

By 05pm:

- 2 Quanta Almond on stick
- 1 kitkat 4 fingers
- 1 cheetos cheese -big

By 08pm:

- I finished 1 pack of Provita I opened in the morning with the liver spread.

And thats that. I didnt eat anything substantial today.

I was supposed to go meet colleagues at the Maifest tent, but I couldnt get myself off the couch

I just slept througout the day.

This is an old weekend behaviour habit..

Day 70 & 71: Burnnnnn, NOT DV free, NOT in CD..

Day 69: Dangerously Hungry

Woke up: -500gms (100gms left to lose to get back to my weight before the binge experiment)

From today until Day 73, I will not weigh myself. I will just note my weight before I go for my duty trip which will call for eating off plan.

I had my breakfast at 8am and by the time I reached the office I was already hungry? Could it be because I had Meal 1 for dinner yesterday and Meal 1 for breakfast today? By 10:45, I have eaten 2 medium peaches! I was so hungry??!

By 4pm, im done with my crackers. I had 1 meal left to last me until bedtime.. and its Thursday! being the start of the weekend, it always ends at 2 or 3am!!

I was dangerously hungry all throughout the day!!! I cant think of anything but food!! I tried to keep myself busy by visiting one of the biggest travel exhibitions in the country for 3hrs.. It didnt help, because each and every stall is over flowing with canapes, bagels, chocolates and desserts!

I dont think this is craving.. this is hunger, I can feel it in my gut, my tummy. I am not thinking of a specific food but the hunger feels like originating from my midsection..

I told my consultant about this. Lets see what will they reply.

Could I be detoxing 5days later? Is it all in my head?

Decided to answer the 2nd question by not giving in to the hunger.. I have 1 meal left. No crackers, no fruits with me. I could have easily gone down to the grocery and bought bisquits.

I gritted my teeth and drank water.

I drove towards the dentist with a grumbling tummy. I was literally gripping the steering wheel when a hunger pang comes over. I was hoping the dentist session will dissipate my hunger.

It did not. But the painful session helped me to stay off food for a while as I couldnt chew..

"Grumble.. grumble.. grumble.." says my tummy

Had my dinner by 9pm.

"Grumble.."

Today we have another Maifest event, and I am glad to be skipping it due to my dentist appointment..

I cant even begin thinking about tomorrow. Its my bestie's birthday..

I finished with the dentist in pain, 1 nerve is not dry yet, least to say I ended up crying in the chair. Temp filling back on.

I had the extra 5 crackers and my consultant has said to take in this situation, so as to avoid the possibility of deviating. BUT I HAD MORE..  I thought this too shall PASS...but it didnt.. cracker overdose

All meals intact, vitamins, crackers and fruits taken.  2 DCs and lots of water.

Day 69, NOT DV free

"Grumble.. grumble.. grumble.."

Day 68: Between a Smile and Scowl =Smowl? :D

Woke up: - 400gms (600gms more to lose from the binge experiment)

Im wearing a really nice get up today.. Im so happy with it.. I got a lot of compliments as well.. Whenever Im in the pantry getting water or coffee, and a colleague is there, there is always a compliment on my weight loss.. tee hee.. happy me..

My bestie came for a while to have coffee with me. We are excited about our Vienna trip next week.. while her birthday is this weekend.. All arrangements done too..

Good times :)

But.. Hmpf!

I know I have no reason to scowl today, except for the fact that I can taste the temporary filling on my tooth, that I am taking the antibiotics + pain killers, and that my question to the consultant was answered like this (after asking abt the anesthesia, antibiotics and pain killer effects):

Thank you for your e-mail.

Please continue to follow your eating plan ? this will result in the best possible progress.

We wish you a speedy recovery!

Regards

The 1st Personal Diet Team

I scoff..

Tonight was our hosted night for the Maifest and I didnt have my last meal with me. I went for yoga and then bought myself some greek yogurt and ate it with a pear. Gladly, with the DCs and water, I lasted through the evening.

The maifest was sooo much fun, the tent is almost packed on a Wednesday and guests were all merry, drunk and bright :D dancing on benches on famous German and Austrian music :)

All meals taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 3DCs..

Day 67, DV free.

Day 67: Oh... You Dont know Pain!!

Until you wake up at 1:30 am with this excruciating tooth ache that makes you cry and scream! On top of that, being in the middle of the night, you have to bear the pain for 8 more hours before you can go to the dentist.

Pain killers? You decide to skip it, as you dont want to risk your weighloss further.

By 10 am, you find out, you need a root canal.  And there goes the optional money you kept for a new(cheap) LED TV.

WHAT THE FOOOOOOKKKK!!!

(Disclaimer: I cannot even imagine the pain of childbirth nor am I saying that this is more painful.. but still :'( )

This is how my day started. I couldnt sleep because of the pain and by noon I had the 1st phase of the root canal process, with 2 more visits to the dentist in 7 days.

Of course, the scale didn budge at all. Havent gotten rid of the last kg gained during binge experiment.

Worse, I had 3 anesthesia's today, 1 topical (it was pineapple flavored and sweet) and  injectables

Worst, I have to be in antibiotics 3x a day and pain medication 2x a day for 5 days!!!

There goes my weight loss..

Im just glad I cooked my 3days worth of meals yesterday.

I emailed my consultant about the medications (Megamox 625mg and Dolgit)..havent heard from them yet.. Feeling sad about this.

FOOOOOOOOOOOKKKK!!

All meals intact, vitamins, crackers, and fruits taken. No DC..
Day 67, DV free.

Day 66: My Kung Fu Is Strong

Woke up: -2kgs (1 kg more to loose from what was gained during the Binge Experiment)

Alright.. I think Im good.

I have decided to keep having the Provitas in the hope of being able to control myself in having them. I want to harness my self control when it comes to food. FOOD cannot RULE me! I was able to keep up with the crispbread timings for today , but I finished my allowance as early as 3pm.

i have also decided to reduce my fruit intake to 1 a day for as long as I can do it, just having a 2nd fruit when it is really needed..

I am so pepped up after that weekend that I am going to switch up my meals so bad over the next few days that my body will be so confused and has no other option but to lose the last remaining kilos [hopefully] fast!! uff!

hiyaaaaa!!

ok.. that coffee this morning was way too strong i guess :D

By 4pm, I felt hungry even though i was busy.. What could be causing this afternoon hunger that I keep having????? I didnt have my chromium today, but the past few days that i was having it, I dont really notice a difference with my cravings/hunger.. :/

Nothing much to report, well back on EP.. and surprisingly.. no detox?? or maybe not so much for me to notice.. or maybe im so busy to notice.. or maybe the hunger in the afternoon was the detox part??

All meals intact, vitamins, crackers, 1 fruit and 1 DC taken

Day 66, DV free..

Day 65: Post Experiment

I am still feeling the repercussions of my Binge experiment.

Woke up: +2kgs total of 3kgs ---> will be weighing daily until I get rid of these 3kgs. Afterwards, I will only update when I order refeed at 59kgs..

Tummy: Bloated, cramping and gassy ---> all througout the day.. I did poop well today though.. so that helped with the cramping (sorry, too much info)

I got up today with the same determination to continue on the plan DV free. Somehow, I even felt recharged after it. Ready to face the next few weeks.

The weight gained was the risk I took to be able to do what I did. I have no qualms, no regrets about it.

This body fat, has nowhere to go but out of me. I will see through it.

Anyhoo, I had a meeting today wherein this guy, had bought me lunch from costa - chicken salad and a muffin. Good thing is it came packed so I told him I will have it after our meeting. The choco muffin looked so tempting and gooey. Right after the meeting, I called my friend and asked her if she wanted my lunch.. She took it..

Whew.

I had beef patties for lunch today! I had the beef minced at the butchers. But I feel like the quantity is actually more than what it is showing on the scales? Weird. I mixed it with grated zucchini, garlic, onion, and green bell pepper and made them into patties! The remaining veg was cabbage and mushroom as sides..

Today is our Staff Meet - Spidey 2 4D X movie and dinner -- skipped the popcorn and dinner. I had my CD meal and DC during dinner..

All meals intact, vitamins, 4 crackers, 1 fruit (all from orig EP), and 3 DCs taken today

Day 65, DV free.

Day 63-64: Binge cum Experiment

 

You may frown on it, diss it, call me stupid, but somehow, I tried to make the 2 binge days a positive by trying to learn from it.

I classify these 2 days as learning from my own mistakes.. first hand..

Ive been reading it on the other diaries and I did take heed and followed them to the T. 61 days of being deviation free.. But I always believe that each person NEEDS to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Telling them really doesnt cut it. The lesson is learned but not ingrained.

None of these non-CD foods were offered to me nor did they serve as temptations around me that I have given in to. I have intentionally chosen each of these food to deviate from the program.

So here goes..

Day 63: Unplanned Experiment Day

Findings:

1) Provita Wholewheat Crispbreads --- brings on an uncontrollable binge desire.. --> try again to prove whether or not it brings the binge desire out (it tastes better than Ryvita!)

2) Chocolates - capacity has reduced --> Good but needs to improve, find a way to eliminate OR find a fail-safe way of slowly eliminating from system

Despite sleeping at 5am, I woke up at 12, prepared my breakfast and ate by 12:30, with the intention of putting my Provita Whole Wheat Crispbread indulgence away forever! I brought my foster cat to the lady who brings him for adoption days and came back home and chilled..

3pm: feeling hungry.. ate 2 crispbreads

3:30: still feeling hungry.. control.. focus, you can eat a fruit after an hour

4pm: had 1 peach..

4:30: antsy.. I want those crispbreads and mayo sooooo bad.. watched tv..

5PM: cooked my lunch.. nibbled on 1 crispbread.

5:30: Had my lunch.. went back to the kitchen, picked the whole pack and mayo.. and started dunking these crispbreads and hogged from here..

6pm: Satisfied and full..

7pm: feeling curious... what would I feel if I eat chocolates the way I did--> 3 kinder bueno bars (3 x 4sticks= 12 sticks) in one sitting..

Honestly people, I could have not had ordered this.. I've been pretty honest with my entries and I was ok at this point to forgo this..

But as my username suggests, Risque... I wanted to see how I will react to this.. What will happen to me? I know its counter intuitive, but whatever..lets see..

Ordered the kinder buenos, and ate them in one sitting. By the time I was done with the 8sticks.. I was feeling stuffed already.. my throat had started to ache a bit.. BUT I still ate the last four..

8pm: observing what I was feeling after the choco binge:

1) throat a bit hurting.. tongue too
2) queasy
3) but ok..

9:30pm: I ordered the following salty junk:

1 cheetos cheese BIG pack
1 original pringles SMALL
1 kitkat 4 fingers
1 diet coke

I FINISHED ALL OF THESE while watching 3 episodes of Greys Anatomy.. what I felt:

- dizzy
- stomach cramps
- gassy

No dinner, was too stuffed. I slept at 3am.. I couldnt sleep with the tummy full..

Day 63, not DV free..
--------------


Day 64: Come as it may Experiment Day

Woke up: +1kg

The experiment continues..

Findings:

1) Provita Wholewheat Crispbreads --- definitely brings on an uncontrollable binge desire.. --> AVOID!! switch back to ryvita and finn crisp

2) Stomach food capacity had shrunk ---Although I can still eat the way I used too, I know the point on when I should stop.---> Good

3) Chocolate appetite --- not the same. the chocolates dont bring in that 'orgasmic' satisfaction, from any type of chocolate ---> Great. Do not even think of starting to develop the gusto for it after refeed..

4) Self control --- good but still dodgy--> better reign it in NOW


09am: CD breakfast

10am: shopping-- well initially for groceries but ended up shopping for bra's, shoes and clothes.. there goes my money for my new TV!! :D

2pm: 1 peach

2:30pm: 2 Provita Whole Wheat Crispbreads, prepared my CD lunch, had my lunch by 3

3:30pm: was feeling hungry, had 1 mango

4:00pm: antsy, I want those crispbreads so bad!!

4:30pm: found myself dunking those crispbreads into that mayo..half the pack.. done!

5:00pm: found myself eating the rest of the pack and dunking it into greek yogurt

6:00pm: self loathing, went to the small grocery down my building, to buy corriander leaves, but ended up buying these as well:

- kitkat 4 fingers - dark
- kitkat 4 fingers - orig
- cadbury hazelnut
- kinder bueno bar
- snickers bar
- qanta almond ice cream stick x 2

06-09pm: BINGE galore.. I am not proud.. I was so stuffed.. started with the 2 ice cream sticks and
I had a bite of each one.. and eventualy finished everything except the kinder bueno. I really couldnt.

10pm: cooked my meals for the next 2 days..

10:30pm: ordered Nando's peri peri chicken (1/2 chicken) +1 portuguese bread roll

11:30pm: ate my chicken with gusto in front of the TV while watching Eat.. Pray.. Love..

I felt sick and full that I slept at 3am..

Why did I do this? All CD veterans will not agree with me on this. I will admit, I gave in to the temptation. But I SERIOUSLY could have said NO and stop myself. Seriously, I could.

My kung-fu is strong :P

Not all of you will believe that one, I do doubt it too, a bit. But at that moment when I was buying those goodies, I did hesitate, I did put it down. But I thought, this is my chance to fully see what this mistake will bring me. Call it a controlled experiment.. but that what was going on inside my head.

NOW LETS PUT THIS ALL BEHIND. I AM DONE.

Day 64, not DV free..