84th Day: Well, Supposed To Be..

So I'm back and I lost 4 weeks due to an unavoidable circumstance.

I weighed yesterday, up by 4kgs. whoa.. NOT CHANGING MY TICKER!

I could have been back on plan 3 days ago but its so hard to stick to it. Just so easy to order every bad think I want on Uber Eats or Zomato..

Haven't been sleeping well too. My sleep patterns have changed, I could as well be living on the other side of the world. My nights have become my days and my days are spent sleeping. Now that I'm back at work, I am struggling!

I'm not going to reset my day count as I am extending my current plan by purchasing another 3 months of support (online clinic). Apparently I cannot get my refeed if I dont do this.

Day 84: Cranky, Craving, Sleepy with 9 days before TOM. But deviation free.

46th Day: 😑

Feel like shite today. Didnt bother to weigh myself in the morning. 

PMS symptoms on and rocking. Feeling tired, heavy and sleepy too. Hungry as well.

I also suspect that I'm not good with hummus.

It took some effort to be deviation free today, and lots of water and caffeine.

I want to sleeeeepppppzzzzzz....

Day 46: Deviation free.

45th Day: Craving & Hungry

Craving or feeling hungry quicker than the other days. Don't know why.

Last night, I had to really control myself in eating the nuts at home. I was so close to breaking but my reward showed up in the scales this morning :)

2 hours before my 2nd meal, I felt hungry. It didnt help that my colleague was having McDonald's french fries and the other one a McFlurry. Post the 2nd meal at 3:30PM, I felt the hungry strike after an hour..

What's going on? I was so tempted to give in.. There's a bunch of sweets from my colleague that's just sitting right in front of me for about 2 days now and I havent caved (yet). But I waaaannnnt!

Later in the afternoon, my friend from Netherlands messaged me that she wanted to meet up as she is flying back tomorrow morning. I havent seen the woman in 10years! But I didnt have my dinner with me. Even though I felt there is a huge possibility of me deviating, I still went to see her as i dont know when i will see her again. 

Least to say I caved and ate. Ate chicken kebab, hummus, salad, bread, and had a few teaspoons of muhalabiya. 

I was hungry and craving. I didnt know which came first but I just wanted to eat!!!!

As I was driving home, I realised why. Its probably because my TOM is just around the corner.. 7 days to be exact. I havent been sleeping well too. Thats the only reason I could think of as I was deviation free since the 40th day. :'(

Day 45: NOT Deviation free

5th Day: Vanity

Today's much better. Felt sharper. I guess the sleep helped. I was dozing off aroubd 9:30 yesterday which was 30mins after my dinner. I tried to stay up at least until 10:30.

Woke up this morning and couldnt help but weigh myself. Dayumm.. im down 4kgs already! I guess my old plan still works, or could also be i just finished TOM. Lets see in a few days if I keep dropping.

I am not feeling strong at all. Im watching tv and its a wedding scene and all i cant think about is eating cake! :'( The only thing thats stopping me are the thoughts in my head. As vain as it seems Im still on the "getting thinner" mindset. Healthy, yes, but more on the looking good part. Shame eh? But as long as it works and keeps me OP.

BF: egg, veggies, crackers Centrum

LU: chicken, veggies, cracker, coke light

SN: apple

DI: beef, veggies, cracker, coke light

CAF: 1 black coffee

VIT: collagen 1&3n, hyaluronic, collagen 2

Day 5 - deviation free

4th day: Tired

Feeling low and slow today. Patience is a bit short. Or could it also be that I'm just really busy and will continue to be over the next few months. I should not be allowed to speak to clients over the next few days 😄 I haven't had the dreaded headaches yet or the flu, but I'm craving for the food that I used to eat - all of them. 

I'm feeling bored with my perfectly healthy and well balanced meals. I could let the time fly and not eat, but I want to eat something good a.k.a bad. This is some form of gratification right? That since I worked hard, I deserve to eat anything that I want. Need to learn how to delay gratification, coz that has been my mantra for 2 years now.

As I type, I'm thinking of heading to the store and grabbing kettle chips and a honey cake, go home and share it with my boyfriend. 😖 Of course silly, I didnt do that 😀, I didnt want the 4 days to go to waste.

BF: egg, veggies, cracker, centrum

LU: beef, veggies, centrum, coke light

SN: afternoon - apple

DI: chicken, veggies, cracker

CAF: 1 coffee, black

VIT: collagen 1, 3, hyaluronic, collagen 2

4th day - deviation free

Day 20: Intuition

Before I start with this topic, I just want to add that yesterday, somebody gave me a miniature tart. As you can see its so pretty (but not as tasty according to my bf :D) and I really really wanted to eat it in the office yesterday but I did not give in and brought it home.

I just hungry all day yesterday. I think my PMS has started coz I felt lower tummy pain just by sitting. Woke up this morning with the heaviest body ever! My joints hurt and I just feel like being pulled to the ground. I didn't want to get up, but I did, I still had to cook my meals. Since I was feeling so lazy, I sat outside, got some sunshine and decided to cook my lunch and have a yogurt and fruit for breakfast. I just couldn't be bothered.

Before leaving, I said I cant feel so down today, I don't want this feeling! Im doing so good at work and this really wouldn't help me. On the way to office, I listened to a discussion about Living an Intuitive Life by Sonia Choquette. It was insightful.

Some key takeaways:

1. Intuition is not mystical - its not your oohh e.s.p.-looking-into-the-future thing. Its listening to your gut, your heart.

2. To apply this at work, keep yourself informed  -learn, be on the look out on what's going on, do not work just merely to get by, understand the people around you without judging - because in the end, based on what you know or gather, you will tell yourself the answers you need based on the collective data that you have stored.

3. I really liked the part that said -> when you set goals, make sure your goals will benefit at least 2 people, as this opens yourself up to your intuition. That you are just not self-serving.

4. We all are vibrating with energy, and whatever you vibrate you attract - Ive been reading and hearing about this a lot, which I find to be true.

It was a lot of information on single drive, maybe I will write more in detail the next time. But I've resonated with most of the discussion. I feel like I have been out of touch with my intuition for so long. 

I wish I could have written about it in a way that is good but I guess is one of those days when you just feel "blah". I tried everything, I had my coffee, listen to some inspirational discussion, and listened to upbeat music.

Im still hungry, but not like the previous days.

Day 20: deviation free, 1 fruit under allowance, vits taken
Mood = meh
Hunger = manageable; but craving!

EDay 4: Hungry

Woke up.. glad the scale has moved down.. -400gms

I will stop updating now. I used to update every 7days, so Im going to do just that. But I guess my first week wouldnt show much.. I guess its the meds..

Today was pretty hectic.. But I felt a crash around afternoon, I felt hungry. I wanted to have those polvorons.. anything! I tried all the advices on the forum-- drink more water, have tea, get busy, more water and I did so, with a minor argument going on inside my head about deviating or not deviating

Me: 1 polvoron.. how could it hurt?
Me: Arghhh! you know you cant just have 1 polvoron!! you know it!! And then 3 days will be wasted

It went on for some time, and before I knew it, its time to leave for my last swimming class. I need to start practicing after this.

Weekend is yet to come.. lets see then.

All meals taken on time, 1 fruit, vitamins and crackers too. 1 DC

EDay 4: DV free.

DDay 5: Still Hungry

I took an off from work today. Feels good not to be working on a working day :p

Woke up early and spent 3 hours in the garden just soaking up some morning sun and light breeze..

Had my omelette breakfast but it didnt suffice. I felt hungry 1 hour later.. even with the multivitamin..

Im out of crackers..

All I can think about were McDonalds pepper chicken wings..

Went for groceries for more stuff..5 days on the plan.. couldnt break this now. I wanted to pass on the Provitas because from experience, it starts the deviation for me. As much as I wanted to avoid it, i was so hungry and was that close to deviating. I was at the supermarket for chrissakes!! Fruit allowance was over by lunch and my only salvation until i can have my dinner are those damn crackers!! Gave in to provitas.. had 2 pcs within allowance. Im glad to have the rest of my cracker allowance later on the day.

Also had a massage today.. long overdue.. then went to a friends place to finalize our trip 's itinerary.

All in all, its one of those days when you just have to move with the motions.. it could have been better..

All meals take on time, fruits and vitamins too. 2 DCs

DDay 5: DV free.

BDay 2: Ramblings of a Hungry Tummy

Root canal process started today.. :/

Oh and I got my period today! Well, some spotting.. My period stopped after the 1st month I was on plan..So maybe that explains the extreme choco cravings?? yikes.. and Im still craving btw, could be a part of detox but I so want a bag of Cheetos Cheese right now!!

Knowing that its just day 2, makes it easier for me to reason with myself to deviate.. That Im just undoing 1 day of hard work, I would feel less guilty, than give in 3 days later..

Jeez!

my other 2 friends back home also started deviating after 2 months.. this is really not easy..

cant stop thinking about those damn Cheetos!!! should I just opt for the lesser evil and buy me some Provita's to binge on?? oh the things that are going on inside my head!!!

I dont know how much more I can reason with my cravings..  and this is me with a slightly hurting tooth and a mild headache..

Its 2PM, and IM HUNGRRRRYYYY!!! WHY AM I SO HUNGRY?! (and so whiny? :D)

Ok come to think of it, everytime Im craving anything, it makes it all alright once I have the food.. the craving is satisfied, thus I feel better for it..

by 3:30.. I gave in to the cravings until evening.. :'(

dissapointed, but will not slink away.. I will admit to every single deviation until I whip myself back into shape.

Day 2, not DV free.

Day 46,47, 48: Cruising Along

These 3 days have been normal. Im feeling period pain/cramps but period hasnt come yet. :/ Was expecting it 2 days ago... hmmmm

I am craving big time! I so want to devour all the chocolates in my drawer! So cruising along, but not without difficulty!

Went for karting with colleagues on Day 46.. I was pretty good. Im just next in rank to the people who are experienced karters (top 6) Im on 7th and we are 17 people! :)

All meals intact, ate dinner at almost 11pm! :( Had a nectarine with it.

Day 47 is another normal day. Didnt do much work, well pretending to work was tough enough. I just wasnt in the mood. I guess its a formed habit of cramming?! Thats why I keep things for the last minute.

I am reading up on the Zone materials I have downloaded.

Didnt do yoga today, went to shop instead. I just wanted beige office shoes as mine were about to breakdown, and I ended up with two short-shorts (just for 10 AED! wawawaw!) for the summer & 1 denim jumpsuit (all a size smaller), beige office shoes, 1 pair of black loafers, and 1 green bikini.. oh yes, I can wear a bikini now :D ... Im not as firm or tight/cut as I want myself to be but yah, Im ok. Planning to hit the beach on Friday at 7-10am with work colleagues, with a mission to tan, so i need a 2pc suit. 

I spend so much these days.. I should stop :(

Was feeling too tired today, after my dinner, I dozed off in front of the tv and woke up at 4am!

Meals, vitamins, crackers, fruits taken on time. I did eat a big whole mango. I was planning to eat just a cheek but I couldnt stop myself. I felt so hungry.. I had 2 DCs today.

Day 48 ohh.. counted the hours til the weekend. Kept shifting between reading "Mastering the Zone" and working, whilst syncing my tablet.

A friend of mine saw my pics yesterday and she just signed up for the program :D I hope she gets accepted.

I had a cheesy breakfast today: shredded veggies (cabbage, mushrooms, onion, capsicum) stir fried with a dollop of Philadelphia fat free cheese... served with the remaining cheese allowance and cubed green apple on the side.. yummy..

Ate my crackers in between til lunch. I had my egg omelette with 2 crackers for lunch, chugged DC throughout the afternoon. Had dinner around 8pm with crackers and had 1 fruit around 10.

Went for power yoga after work. Almost ditched it coz I was feeling lazy. Im glad I didnt, it felt good to sweat! Later in the evening, I went for a movie with a fried and we ran late. So i went ahead to buy tickets and popcorn! My gawd! The smell of popcorn just within reach.. :/

Its just another day.

Day 46, 47, 48 - DV free!

Day 23: Saturday = Stress Day

Ive noticed that for the past 3 Saturdays, 2 of them were full  of running errands. And each Sunday after that, I wake up, weigh in and gain 200gms just like this morning! :((

How can I change this? hmmm... I've got 3 more kilos to lose until month end.. I have got to achieve this!

Today is a boring day and I am having the feeling of wanting to deviate just to have some variety during the day. Im just so glad that I had prepared all my meals in advance so there's not even a slight chance for me to find an excuse of getting off plan. Although, as I am feeling this, I actually dont know what I wanted to eat/deviate to.. Its probably just the bored feeling and Im using food to get rid of it..


kill me.. kill me now! :'(

As I was driving to office this morning, I saw this big ad on the bus stop saying "Crispy Chocolate Espresso" with an image of an ice cream on a stick.. Its crispy +  it has chocolate + and it has espresso in an ice cream stick!! What more could you ask for???  huwwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!! :(

Temptation everyday, everywhere!

Day 3: No Thank You

That seems to be my phrase for the day.

"Hey, have some Milka chocolate" --- No, thank you. *smile*
"Really? Are you sure?" --- Yes, no thanks.. *smile*
"You want to taste my lunch?" --- No, thank you *smile*
"I have more thn enough veg fried rice, you want some on that chicken?" --- No, thank you. *chew, swallow, water*

Too many opportunities to deviate but I didnt! \m/

I am craving for tasty food though.. rice, chocolates, curry, pasta, pizza :-O

Im also having a serious allergy toda. The weather cant make up its mind wether winter is over or not, and she threw in some strong winds in there too and living in a sandbox of a country.. well lets say Im tired of my running nose.. phew. I took a seed sized anti histamine.. I couldnt take it anymore.

Sleeping early tonight. I cant afford to get sick.. :( Plus, its power yoga day tomorrow..