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Tuesday, June 8, 2021
Monday, May 31, 2021
Monday, May 24, 2021
Friday, May 7, 2021
Wednesday, May 5, 2021
- eating past 9pm
- sleeping late.. like really late last friday (3am) and I will most probably do that again tomorrow
Monday, May 3, 2021
Sunday, May 2, 2021
- tummy is now smaller than my boobs :D
- ppl are noticing my weight loss
- mood is better
- getting into a routine of making my meals every morning = Im waking up earlier than usual
- drinking more water
- BMs are better also
Wednesday, April 28, 2021
The 4 months of the year off season, 1 month vacation, 3 months planning for the upcoming season, meetings with potential sponsors etc was not a walk in the park either. Last year’s lockdowns during our off season, well they made me handle the marketing for the hotel villas too (on the months that im supposed to be off), which surprisingly were in high demand.. local tourism somehow boomed here.. Salary cuts, unpaid leaves, more work.. whew, needed to keep the job.
Then early this year, we moved houses, Im back in the desert! Which Im happy about, not a fan of apartment living. Open spaces, tall trees (we got them! :D), weekly braai’s again.. I looked forward to it. But, Jan-Mar was our most hectic time of the season, so didn’t have the time to decorate or gather. I rarely had off days during this period, so consistently been working for at least 2.5 months.
My flexibility is gone. I felt it, hips, legs, arms, feet. Small pains here and there. I knew the whys and the hows… Ive seen my tummy go several inches up and down due to the bloat.. Consistent allergies..
I couldn’t be bothered to take care of myself. I came home late, live on take out/delivery, tune out in front of the TV, and fall asleep in front of it. I am too tired. My partner is the same, he has his own stressful, long hour work days. So both of us enabled each other.
Sunday, June 14, 2020
Around Day 12, my cravings were to the roof! I nearly caved. I remember 3 hours before my last meal, I had a 1.5 hour mental struggle if I should eat the cheesecake at home or not! I thought I was losing my mind!
But I didnt ("how strong am I?" -- Elle Woods)
I ate my dinner and my cravings diminished.
The next day, had my meals as per plan
On the 13th day, had my breakfast, went for groceries, and suddenly I thought, maybe I should read my plan from top to bottom, not just the portions part, but really from the top.
Then it hit me, the plan I was using was from 7 years ago!!! I had a new EP issued last year when I was attempting this (uhh-gain!).
No wonder why I was having monstrous cravings on Day 12, I thought I should be cruising fine and getting close to the Zone at that time. I even re-checked my previous Day 10 entries if I have ever felt the same way.
I havent been sleeping well too.
So, I checked my latest meal plan and the portions are sooo different! I immediately corrected my meals and I woke up today with no change in weight vs. Day 13.
Week 2, done and dusted, not deviation free (tsk, I thought I was sticking true to the plan), lost another -2.1kg
Sunday, June 7, 2020
Im tired of writing and failing. Maybe I should just write when I'm on refeed.
The number of times I tried and failed, I think tells so much about me... not really encouraging.
Im a planner, a starter but not really a finisher.
How would a psychologist analyze me? What would she/he tell of this cycle that I cant beat? Maybe Im crazy.
Or maybe, I just like
- junk food
- sweets -- too much
Or maybe, Im just lazy:
- to cook
- to move
Or maybe, Im just so scared of achieving that I sabotage myself subconsciously. The achievement is not losing the weight, but being successful in keeping it off is what Im scared of.
Also, maybe, I really dont like the attention i get from men when im looking good, i feel violated or stereotyped into that woman who is pretty but really good at what she does, or pretty but already getting old etc.. So just stay unattractive and unhealthy at least people dont expect so much from me that when i do well, its something of a wow, or a good thing.
I started again because I really dont want to be fat anymore.. I woke up a week ago weighing 92.8 kgs.. OMFG, I cant continue on like this. Its just so sad.
Week 1 dusted, on EP 3, deviation free. Lost: - 4.2kgs