Search This Blog

Sunday, January 20, 2019

07th Day: Crash and Burn

The title says it all. Crashed and burned to pizza , popcorn and m&ms.

This diet is really a mind game. I know I could have not touched the food and went OP. But I didnt.

Oh my soul... The pizza was so good, I didnt even feel sorry about it until I was in bed at night. The pizza was really good.


Friday, January 18, 2019

6th Day: Bring on the hunger

The perils of daily weighing! Im up by 400grams! I think it’s the soda I had after my dinner, I had 1 less fruit for the day. Again was sleepy by 10pm. We usually go to bed by 10:30 and it usually takes me a longer time to fall asleep from that point. But these past 2 days I slept like a baby, woke up at the same time as my bf (5:30) and refused to get out of bed til 7:20 today :D. I was having an allergy I guess coz my nose wont stop running. Got up, cooked by breakfast and lunch and reached work late.

I didn’t put any make up on as we have a field set-up in the morning. I looked in the mirror and my face looked… hmmm.. dewy (?) πŸ‘©basically I liked what Im seeing. After typing this, I had to go back to the office bathroom to check again! hahahaha I don’t know if it’s the collagen supplements or the diet or could be both.

I am so hungry today. I forgot to bring fruits so I had nothing to snack on. I held my resolve until 7pm and got to eat a peach at home but I was still so hungry. KFC and pizza were on my head, I so wanted to give in.. restart tomorrow. 

BF: egg, veggies, crackers Centrum
LU: beef, veggies, cracker
SN: noon- coke light | night - peach
DI: chicken, veggies, cracker
CAF: 1 black coffee
VIT: collagen 1&3n, hyaluronic, collagen 2

Day 6 - deviation free

Thursday, January 17, 2019

5th Day: Vanity

Today's much better. Felt sharper. I guess the sleep helped. I was dozing off aroubd 9:30 yesterday which was 30mins after my dinner. I tried to stay up at least until 10:30.
Woke up this morning and couldnt help but weigh myself. Dayumm.. im down 4kgs already! I guess my old plan still works, or could also be i just finished TOM. Lets see in a few days if I keep dropping.

I am not feeling strong at all. Im watching tv and its a wedding scene and all i cant think about is eating cake! :'( The only thing thats stopping me are the thoughts in my head. As vain as it seems Im still on the "getting thinner" mindset. Healthy, yes, but more on the looking good part. Shame eh? But as long as it works and keeps me OP.

BF: egg, veggies, crackers Centrum
LU: chicken, veggies, cracker, coke light
SN: apple
DI: beef, veggies, cracker, coke light
CAF: 1 black coffee
VIT: collagen 1&3n, hyaluronic, collagen 2

Day 5 - deviation free

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

4th day: Tired

Feeling low and slow today. Patience is a bit short. Or could it also be that I'm just really busy and will continue to be over the next few months. I should not be allowed to speak to clients over the next few days πŸ˜„ I haven't had the dreaded headaches yet or the flu, but I'm craving for the food that I used to eat - all of them. 

I'm feeling bored with my perfectly healthy and well balanced meals. I could let the time fly and not eat, but I want to eat something good a.k.a bad. This is some form of gratification right? That since I worked hard, I deserve to eat anything that I want. Need to learn how to delay gratification, coz that has been my mantra for 2 years now.

As I type, I'm thinking of heading to the store and grabbing kettle chips and a honey cake, go home and share it with my boyfriend. πŸ˜– Of course silly, I didnt do that πŸ˜€, I didnt want the 4 days to go to waste.

BF: egg, veggies, cracker, centrum
LU: beef, veggies, centrum, coke light
SN: afternoon - apple
DI: chicken, veggies, cracker

CAF: 1 coffee, black
VIT: collagen 1, 3, hyaluronic, collagen 2
4th day - deviation free

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Daily Temptations List

I decided to start a new list (see 2014 list here). I almost forgot how this list helped me keep going. As I accumulated a LOT of things I had to say no to, my will power got stronger.. So here goes...

1st Day: Some Indian sweets being passed around
2nd Day: NONE
3rd Day: The smell of bread at the hotel and my BF asking me if I wanted McDonalds for dinner (as he was about to get for himself on his way from work!!)
4th Day: None
5th Day: the smell of hotel food during our meeting

3rd day: The Scale - A Friend or Foe??

The thing about this diet is that you have to measure every. single. thing. every. single. day. Even yourself. The center doesnt recommend weighing yourself daily, but it kinda does wonders to your persistence when you see yourself dropping off each gram daily. But when its stuck, well.. it kinda gets to you too.

I didnt weigh myself on day 1 but I do have an idea of my starting weight as I went to the clinic a few days before to get my prescription and they weighed me. I was at 89kgs! 😒 Seems like I went back to the same person I was in 2009 - really fat, in heavy debt and in a job with a take home pay similar to what I was earning in 2010. Anyway, this morning I was at 86.9 kgs. I would like to think that the 2 kgs lost in 2 days was because of being Cohen clean.

When I decided to do this 4 days ago, I dropped my food scale.. glass top shattered like candy. I tried weighing the contents of a bottle of water and coke and seems to be working alright. I think I should replace it, but dont want to spend unnecessarily. And as veteran Cohenite, we are very.. ahem.. "anal" about the food measurements. Not a single gram above or below, otherwise its a deviation! f

But honestly, what if you didnt know that the scale is off? And you are still losing weight? then does it really matter if the scale is of by 2-3 grams? I hear Cohenites in my head screaming "yes!!" πŸ˜„  I figured I will try this broken scale for about 7 days and see if my weight will drop every day like its supposed to. If not, maybe I need to buy a new one.

Anyway, I woke up a bit late but I managed to cook my breakfast and lunch. Got to eat my breakfast around 10, lunch was at 3. By 6 I was hungry! hmmm.. so here we go eh? I feel that its better that I eat breakfast at home otherwise I will be eating late like today.

The moment I felt the hunger, I thought of breaking down. I kept on thinking of how I see myself by March and how much weight I must have lost by then. Or of people in the office complimenting on my new clothes to which I will reply, "no, these are my old clothes." :D. I just kept myself daydreaming whilst I was driving home so I dont think of my hunger and it worked! I survived the hunger pang. 

Nothing really special today. I can feel the looming headache slightly.

BF: 1 egg,  veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum

LU: chicken, veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum

SN: Noon: 1 peach | afternoon: 1 coke light | night: 1 peach

DI: beef, veggies w balsamic, 1 cracker, 1 coke light
CAF: 1 cup, black
VIT: AM - Collagen 1, 3 +C, Hyaluronic, PM - Collagen 2

Monday, January 14, 2019

2nd day: I Love Me a Good Peach

Its the end of day 2 and i think im doing alright. Ate all my meals and on time. Had the time to shop for food even if I left the office late. As soon as I stepped inside the grocery, the smell of peaches was overwhlemingly nice, I had to buy some :D

I reached home and I didnt even take the time to sit down and went straight to measuring my veggies for next few days. Coz if my ass touches the couch, i think it will be stuck there :P

I know its too soon to tell, but it does feel good to eat better. Feels... light. Im worried about the detox though thats about to come. I've been off the wagon for years that I'm sure I'm going to pay for it 🙈 (headaches.. sore throat.. and i dont know what else... 😟)

Im going to be really busy for the next 3 months starting next week. I hope I can pull this off.

BF: 1 egg,  veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum
LU: beef, veggies, 1 cracker
SN: Evening: 1 peach
DI: chicken, veggies, 1 cracker, 1 coke light
CAF: 1 cup, black
VIT: AM - Collagen 1, 3 +C, Hyaluronic, NN - Collagen 2

Sunday, January 13, 2019

1st Day: Happy New Year... not so Happy Yet

I typed slowly as the words below poured out below. I'm filled with hesitation and fear of failing over and over again...

Oh well. Another year had closed, and another one begins. 2018 was not my year and I can see that I will suffer the effects of 2018 until 2020 if I continue on my current path now.

Good news is, I have got a job and been in it for about 4 months now. Its marketing related, its about Polo and I have learned a lot over the past 4 months. But I miss my airline job, the travelling, the structure and the people I meet and I honestly want to go back, I dont know how though. I dont think a company will re-hire someone who left the job voluntarily for another job.

I have to come to terms (fully) that no one could have predicted what happened to me after I left the airlines. I left with good intentions of doing better and becoming better, which I failed miserably.. as per their standards. Here I am trying to pick up the pieces and basically living to pay off all my debts.

I think I am in a depressed state. I get short bouts of gusto for what's going on in my life, but I'm mostly indifferent. I'm trying to get by and not splendidly.

What I wrote about having my ducks in a row in September, seems so difficult esp. when funds are very limited. I am thankful for my job esp. since Dubai is in such a slump that people are losing their jobs and offers are as low as ever. It's just that I keep wondering when will my life take off again?

I came here to write that I have decided that today, I will eat healthy - Cohen style. I am scared that I will fail in something i can control.

Day 1:

BF  - 1 egg, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom), 1 cracker, 1 Centrum
LU - beef, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom)
SN - Afternoon: 1 coke light | Evening: 1 apple
DI - chicken breast, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom), 1 cracker

Coffee: 2 cups black
Deviation:  ate 115g veggies for LU, should have been 110 :/
Vitamins: 6 tabs Collagen 1&3 +C, 2 caps Hyaluronic, 4 caps Collage 2 --> Im not sure if this is allowed in the diet, but Im taking this to support my skin as I lose the weight.. Its Non-GMO + Gluten Free. Does not contain gluten, soy, lactose, starch, yeast or artificial flavors

1st Day - done.

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Hanging by a thread

It's been so long since I've written and I have been sidetracked for a very long time. Its all a good mix of unfamiliar territories with regards to my career that went kaput last year, laziness, emotional eating, self defeating thoughts, fear and a whole lot of self doubt burying it all with junk food, Netflix, mindless surfing and disconnecting.

I look at myself in the mirror and I don't like what I see. I am so out of control with every aspect of my life. Some people will think I'm exaggerating because I have been making efforts to cope, just the bare minimum to get me by. But its a struggle to get my shit together, I feel like a fraud, I'm no good but I'm trying my best to disprove myself. I'm not sure if it had anything to do with keeping up with appearances. If it is, then I'm doing a terrible job.

I've been asking myself for the past 8 months "how do I turn this around?". I know the answers to this question and I know its not a question of how, its a question of when.

Yesterday 08/09/18 - I have decided I've had enough. Enough of this. Enough of being a self made loser. I'm a brave person. I'm a smart woman and I am beautiful. Why am I wasting my time not being all of that?

I need to get my ducks in a row... no, I want to get my ducks in a row and do myself a favor. Even if it means starting all over again at 37 without a clean slate, so be it. I just have to buck up.

I am not out yet! - Although as I type that, a cloud of fear and self doubt just came over me.

Let's do this!

Sunday, October 9, 2016

Day 73: Time spent but not wasted

Or is it?

It’s been two weeks since I wrote and I think it has been almost a month that I’ve been struggling to be deviation free. There were days that I was good but yet I failed in the evenings and there were other days that I wasn’t on plan at all, whether it’s not eating at all then having whatever is available to totally eating out of plan.

Anyway, today marks the first day of being deviation free. I thought of continuing the number of days because this time I think I’m just going to go ahead with it, than “starting over” on e-paper (mind tricks eh?).

I mostly occupy my free time (morning and evening drives) listening to a book called the Values Factor by John Demartini. Very insightful, a lot of aha moments, and a lot of work in order to get your values and priorities sorted and aligned in all aspects. I’m just listening to it, I haven’t done all exercises, because this will need some time. It’s like a proper course! :D But given that I haven’t done any of the work yet, I have learned so much already.

I don’t know what else to say. I have wasted my time in terms of reaching goal, but not really much so. I had a life going on – meeting with friends, going out with my bf, networking. It’s not all bad. It is bad for Cohen goal but I have to see the positives of it than beating myself up over it. I’m tired of that.

Today wasn’t particularly easy, I was craving for chocolates like anything. I don’t understand it. I had to google why and it all has to do with the rewards mechanism that we have in our brains, as eating delicious chocolates that releases the happy hormone dopamine. I also found out that we didn’t have to learn to like chocolates, as soon as our brain recognizes the benefit, it acquires that automatically and the brain gets hardwired to it. Phew.

Next, I googled how to beat the chocolate cravings. Tons of advice – i.e. eat a healthy sweet like fruits, talk a walk and then see if you still want one, negotiate with yourself, have a few squares (hah! We all know how’s that going to go), switch to dark. Thing is, I know all of these, but I still have chocolates in my mind. I’m not craving for anything sweet, I am particularly looking for chocolates. I don’t know what kept me going, but I survived today.

I started with Pilates too. I had my first class yesterday (Reformer Core), I liked it. I was booked for the same today but I missed it as I have to work late, and I took the Pilates SQ, it’s a step higher than the basic one to which I did fairly well, the instructor said so, that for a beginner, I was good. I like Pilates. I 've always wanted to do it for as long as I can remember, the proper ones, but it was just way too expensive for me (it still is). I have 5 trial class which the cost works ok for me, that’s why I went for it.

Anyhoo, that’s all for now and tomorrow I will brave a reconciliation with Wilma (my online consultant).

Day 73: deviation free. 1 cracker under allowance. Vits taken, no DC

Mood = ok

Hunger = craving for chocolate, but not hungry for food.