27th Day: Food Pushers!!

Ok, let me start out this post with -> 😣

Why cant people just take a NO for an answer?!?

Today I agreed to meet my friend at her friends house (who also knows me too and considers me a part of the tribe). She's 14 years senior to me so she's very motherly. She's into yoga and eats alright. Im not going to say she is fit nor thin but.. normal for her age and height i guess..

Arrived at her house, my friend knows im on a diet and she has learned to take a NO from me and she had told her friend that I am on a diet and wont eat any food from outside.

I know she tried not to offer me anything but I guess its a part of her that she likes to feed and entertain her guests.... ive been there several times and she is the most caring host. And under normal circumstances I will not refuse her. But yesterday, she tried to offer me some healthy stuff from india.. its called fox nuts(?) Its a nut that seems air popped? The moment she offered, my friend whispered "be polite" because she knew im going to say no. 

So I did indulge her with a handful. 😑 It actually tasted nice and tasted healthy too. I liked it.. and I didnt feel bad about eating that food. But after eating, i felt my tummy wanting more. I think I felt real hunger there. But i kept strong and quiet. 

My friend is on her TOM and having a terrible time and she is munching on some india sweets. She doesnt eat much.. and she offered me a bite and a screeched "!NO!" With my hand to her face...and she said "why are u only mean to me???" And i just answered "yes." :D and she left it at that. 

And then again this other friend offered me the same fox nuts but in a different form with a really thin jagaree coating.  I really did beg no and please. Several times and she wouldnt let up. I took one just to shut her up. Again she is right, it did taste good and healthy. I actually think both are good replacements for popcorn as a snack.

I wasnt annoyed at any point during the food pushing. Because I knew that its always been like this with her plus this is the 2nd time this year that ive been in her house. I've just never been in a situation wherein i had to say no to her.

Why must she put me in that situation? Is it because its her house? Why couldnt i just have thrown a hint of annoyance to maybe make her back off? Is it because she is elder to me? Or I found it sweet that she still tried to feed me with the "healthy" food she has around the house? Thinking of me, that since i am on a diet and she cant offer me a nice home cooked meal, she will try to give me something within the boundaries of what im trying to to?

I swear to God i wont visit her again until im way past maintenance. 😞

Then at around 10:30.. her son reached some and she started cooking him a meal.. dosa and some fish fry. Smelled heavenly. By 11, I gracefully left the house because Im afraid I wont be able to say no to that again.

Day 26, all meals, vitamins, crackers and fruits taken on time. NOT deviation free.

Day 43-44: Going through the motions

My 9 day off has started and I think Im doing pretty well in 'squandering' it :D

 

Day 43: Went to see a GP (just coz I cant get an appointment with the ENT) because my left ear still feels blocked from that clubbing night I went to 2 thursdays ago! GP said I should book an appointment with an ENT doc to get ears cleaned and properly checked bec from her point of view nothing really wrong. Got an appointment on Day 45 morning.

 

Nothing much today, just did that, watched tv, ate all meals on time. I just had mangoes today for fruits hmmm.. love them mangoes.

 

Day 43: deviation free, all allowances taken, vits too.
Mood = ok5
Hunger = none

 

Day 44: I scheduled a spa day for me and the bf as my treat for having a new job. I have a buy1 get1 voucher for this place so it didnt really coat me as much. We had access to the pool, gym and other spa facilities followed by a 90min massage. We started the day late, so we reached at noon and it was too hot to be on the pool. So plan b was we started the massage early and then movies afterwards.

My masaage was great! I tried not to sleep but i kept dozing off. I cant say the same for my bf, he said his therapist was average. He said at one point I was snoring!!! :D

 

But after the massage, I was so hungry. This is typical of me, i really am hungry after a massage. I ate my lunch but still hungry and craving! I almost gave in to the caramel popcorn.. i really did want to have it. But I just kept telling myself of the effort I've put into this and I didnt have any.

Braai night. I had a portion of bf's t-bone a bit over allowance. I was so hungry I didnt even check the time. I ate my dinner after 4 hours from my last meal! I thought it was 9pm. I already had food in my mouth when I checked the time! So I just kept eating. Deviation right there. I had 3 DCs today too.

 

Talk about getting by.

 

Day 44: deviation- less than 5hrs between meals. 1 fruit under allowance
Mood = relaxed. Good
Hunger = really hungry and craving

Day 22 -23: Successfully on the Bus

I survived post deviation! Its been a week now that Im on plan (just that my meal timings are off and not ideal) but I was able to successfully manage getting back on the bus (straight) after my deviation.

 

I've been asked if it was worth it. In no way deviations are ok nor worth it, but we also have to live for the moment(s), and its a judgment call I made, which I am still paying for with almost no losses (scale-wise) as of this day.

 

But that's the end goal right? Being able to exert control? Once the diet is done, we should all be able to control ourselves, give in to tiny pleasures but make sure not to spiral out of control.

 

To celebrate my mini-victory, I had a mango on Day 23. Had 1 cheek for breakfast and the rest for lunch. I have been putting arugula on my greens and it is bitter! But with the addition of sliced mangoes on it counteracted the bitterness.

 

Day 22- > visited a friend at the hospital and had a good chat. Her pregnancy is not going well, like really not well that it had to be naturally aborted. They weren't expecting it and it is causing her a lot of pain.

 

Afterwards, bf and I went to check a place where he/we can play squash and swim. We are thinking about it. Headed out to watch a late night movie, bf had a popcorn. Its ok.

 

Day 22: deviation free. Meals taken on time, vitamins too

Mood = good, coz I saw my friend, but I am pms-ing

Hunger = not really

 

Day 23 -> went to watch a movie with friends. bf had a popcorn, its alright. smelled really nice though. Afterwards we went to get my kitchen chairs re-upholstered (finally!!!), I cant wait.

 

My friend is still in the hospital.  Boo.

 

Nothing much today, just got hungry while watching chopped :D

 

Day 23: deviation free. Meals taken on time, vitamins too

Mood = was alright

Hunger = none.

Day 13: Popcorn with Cheetos Jalapeno on My Mind

Hungry for taste that is. Im just missing my papa roti buns.

Went for coffee during mid day with a friend. I just had coffee and her something else. We chatted about the things we used to talk about in my previous job, somehow I miss the industry.

Im in a good place right now, just missing the taste of junk that I used to eat. I wasn't hungry per se, but I want to eat those food. Popcorn with Cheetos Jalapeno.. aggghh my mind is still on this one. Salivating.. hahahhaha but not gonna cave in because....

Im zoning baby! yebo!

So busy today. Ate lunch ar 4:30 and the dinner at 10!! :/

Day 13: dinner at 10, 2 fruits under allowance, vits taken
Mood = really good
Hunger = craving taste of other food, but not hungry

Day 2: Easy Breezy

I know its too early to say but this day was easy for me. I did get a bit hungry in the afternoon but not that much that I couldnt control myself.

Woke up on time. Sat outside and finished my coffee. Had my breakfast at 9. Went to the movies at 12 with my packed lunch. Bf had a popcorn and I wasnt even tempted. Ate my packed lunch at home and found myself idle a few hours later and the thoughts of eating crept in.

I think, no, I know, that when Im bored, I think of eating and actually eat mostly junk. So today, i forced myself up and took my cat to the vet. Poor thing, had 2 injections and deworming today.. gave her a treat of her favorite wet food once we reached home.

My allergies today were to the roof! Oh, and yesterday evening, Ive got a splitting headache by the time I went to bed. I woke up to pee at around 3am and my head was throbbing!! Resisted the urge to take pain killers, I had a feeling that its a symptom of detox, just didnt expect it to happen right away. Luckily, it was gone in the morning.

As for my allergies, sneezed almost the whole day (its tiring!) And if I hadnt known any better I could be losing brain fluid! My nose just didnt stop leaking! :/

Saturday is always braai and rugby night at home but this time I excused myself and had my fish salad. Easy.

I dont know if its the new plan, or its the effect in  my head knowing that its the new plan and it should make it easier for me, or that TOM is almost done, but today felt so easy.

Lets see how it goes tomorrow. Work day.

Day 2: deviation free

Day 55, 56, 57: Weekend Roll

Nothing much to report with the diet, aside from the fact that I still am missing my TOM and that I am getting hungrier quite quickly after meals.

I bought chromium tablets so I hope that will work against the food cravings, hoping that my hunger is due to cravings and not real hunger.

I havent worked out at all this week!! I got a call from the gym to check why I havent been coming and they recommended to freeze my membership. I am thinking to do this from 15May-15June 2014

Day 55 was spent in the office and ended up watching Transcendence. Reached home around 12:30mn and was so hungry I ate another peach, technically the allowance is counted on Day 56..

Day 56, went to buy some groceries, measured my proteins and thats it. Was lazy in the morning. In the afternoon I went to my friend's house to spend time with her and her mom. In the evening we watched The Other Woman. It was hilarious! :D Had 2 fruits today, so I had 3 in total, counting the peach I ate at 12:30 early morning/midnight.

Im starting to be pretty annoyed that I cannot have popcorn and nachos!

Day 57, was volunteering day. It was a tiring 3 hours. After our shift, we ended up on our backs on the park's garden, enjoyed the breeze, and rested our backs. After an hour, we headed to the beach for some tanning. Spent a good 3.5hrs there.. got a good tan ofcourse. After this, I went for a massage. Reached home and cooked 2days worth of meals.

All meals taken on time, lots of DCs in between but within allowance, fruits, crackers and vitamins taken.

Day 55,56,57, DV free.

Day 46,47, 48: Cruising Along

These 3 days have been normal. Im feeling period pain/cramps but period hasnt come yet. :/ Was expecting it 2 days ago... hmmmm

I am craving big time! I so want to devour all the chocolates in my drawer! So cruising along, but not without difficulty!

Went for karting with colleagues on Day 46.. I was pretty good. Im just next in rank to the people who are experienced karters (top 6) Im on 7th and we are 17 people! :)

All meals intact, ate dinner at almost 11pm! :( Had a nectarine with it.

Day 47 is another normal day. Didnt do much work, well pretending to work was tough enough. I just wasnt in the mood. I guess its a formed habit of cramming?! Thats why I keep things for the last minute.

I am reading up on the Zone materials I have downloaded.

Didnt do yoga today, went to shop instead. I just wanted beige office shoes as mine were about to breakdown, and I ended up with two short-shorts (just for 10 AED! wawawaw!) for the summer & 1 denim jumpsuit (all a size smaller), beige office shoes, 1 pair of black loafers, and 1 green bikini.. oh yes, I can wear a bikini now :D ... Im not as firm or tight/cut as I want myself to be but yah, Im ok. Planning to hit the beach on Friday at 7-10am with work colleagues, with a mission to tan, so i need a 2pc suit. 

I spend so much these days.. I should stop :(

Was feeling too tired today, after my dinner, I dozed off in front of the tv and woke up at 4am!

Meals, vitamins, crackers, fruits taken on time. I did eat a big whole mango. I was planning to eat just a cheek but I couldnt stop myself. I felt so hungry.. I had 2 DCs today.

Day 48 ohh.. counted the hours til the weekend. Kept shifting between reading "Mastering the Zone" and working, whilst syncing my tablet.

A friend of mine saw my pics yesterday and she just signed up for the program :D I hope she gets accepted.

I had a cheesy breakfast today: shredded veggies (cabbage, mushrooms, onion, capsicum) stir fried with a dollop of Philadelphia fat free cheese... served with the remaining cheese allowance and cubed green apple on the side.. yummy..

Ate my crackers in between til lunch. I had my egg omelette with 2 crackers for lunch, chugged DC throughout the afternoon. Had dinner around 8pm with crackers and had 1 fruit around 10.

Went for power yoga after work. Almost ditched it coz I was feeling lazy. Im glad I didnt, it felt good to sweat! Later in the evening, I went for a movie with a fried and we ran late. So i went ahead to buy tickets and popcorn! My gawd! The smell of popcorn just within reach.. :/

Its just another day.

Day 46, 47, 48 - DV free!

Day 25 & 26: Gloomy Days

I was still on my off today (25th day) and availed the luxury of doing nothing :D I was just at home, folded my clothes, cleaned up a tiny bit and just sat in front of the telly and ate my meals on time. The day started out sunny but then eventually dimmed to a drizzling afternoon.

Im still on plan today, although, the scale seems to have gotten stuck starting 23rd day->it moved up 200gms, 24th-> went down by 200gms, & 25th-> moved down 200gms, and 26th -> no change.. :/ How can I possibly meet my 10kg target by month end at this rate?!



one of my weaknesses :(

I went to watch a movie with friends in the evening. Dinner intact and taken on the 5th hr mark, I was intoxicated with the strong popcorn smell. I was seriously thinking of having a large tub for myself. As I was at the counter buying DC and water, I swear I could have bought one, but told myself  "NO" calmly and sensibly. I thought to myself, I can have some popcorn when Im done with refeed, and thats just around 45-60days away. And time flies fast. If I deviate now, it would feel like I am starting on square one. So--> NO!

Meals for today were egg omelette, fish bokchoy and chicken oregano stirfry. I didnt have fruits today.. just 2 DCs and my crispbreads.. Not so good..

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Weighed this morning, and the scale didnt budge! :(

Its a full on thunderstorm and strong winds today.. A lazy day to go to work :D but Im fine.. Nothing much to report though.

Meals were egg omelette, chicken oregano stir fry, and beef steak with veggies..

I was having bad thoughts today, I've been thinking how good i was for the past 26 days that Im finding this quite difficult, not having the [junk] food that I wanted to eat. I am in a state of being self indulgent and being complacent. I hate this. I cant quit now! Just thinking of another 30days on limited and unflavorful portions (thanks to the no hot spices requirement for me) seems sooooo boring for me.  I may seem as strong, as I havent given in to any chance of deviating (even on my birthday) but it doesnt mean that I dont have my personal demons urging me to step outside this rigid line.

Its a constant struggle. Perhaps its due to the life long avoidance of delayed gratification. Arggghhhh! Then I keep thinking of the X number of times that I tried to lose weight, and I had not finished any single one of them. I lost weight but then did not maintain. Or I lost some weight and decided it was fine and just stopped being aware that it will actually come back if I didnt take care.

No. I cant stop now.

I wanted to go for Power Yoga afterwork, but I forgot my workout clothes.. so I just went straight home and slept early.. :)