Day 7: Feeling low

Weighed myself first thing in the morning and weight is up by 200 gms?!? WTH?! This will affect my target week 1 loss. I don't think I will lose as much as I did (at the same period) like the last time..

I've been good for the past few days. The only thing that's not ideal is my sleep. I don't get uninterrupted sleep due to this stupid allergy. I sleep on time but I wake up early morning because I cant breathe through my nose, and sleep is elusive after that.

Otherwise, woke up today like the usual.  Prepared my meals and had my first warm lemon drink in the morning. I hope that will help me. As I drove to office I started feeling tired and heavy. I wasn't hungry, but my joints felt tired. Hmm.. I guess Im far from being in the Zone.


I read my old entries to keep my motivation up, and to check what I was doing on the same day# to get insights to how I was feeling on X day of the program.

I came across my entry about my results on the 4th week.

I like that entry, so detailed and informative. If I do have readers who are on the program now, I suggest to read that entry. This time though, I don't have access to that body composition report as Im not a member of the gym anymore.

Work was full on today and Im pretty ok, was not sluggish or foggy-brained. Im taking on the office mgr job for 5 weeks starting Sunday. So whatever detox symptoms that are still bound to come must come and go before Sunday!! :D

Went to the doc to get prescription for my asthma so decided to get my allergies checked and I got some medicines to take.. will check those out with my consultant before starting.

Other than that, all is good.

Day 7: Deviation free. 1.5 fruit less than allowance
Mood = meh
Hunger= not really hungry at any point during the day.

DDAy 8: Emotions and Eating

Do not underestimate the power of this phrase.

Gained 1.2kg!! wtf? Did I have too much DCs yesterday? I think I had more than a liter!?!? Did my lack of sleep do this? :'(

I will not weigh myself again until I have to. Im feeling sad right now.. and surprisingly.. missing the bf.. well much.. jeez.. I just saw him on Sunday... errrmmm.. so unfamiliar territory.

Tried not to be cranky.. not easy. but after coffee.. everything was bright again! #coffeelover hahahaha

I have my food for today stocked in the office, but still cooked my breakfast for today and tomorrow plus 1 meal. Im keeping this having 2 days worth of meals available all the time.

I gave away the last Provita pack I had at home. I really cant handle that. I end up eating more than what Im allowed, and once I start, its difficult to stop. I need to stock up on ryvitas.

Come midday, i had a huge argument with one of my best friends. Took a lot out of me. I was so bummed in the evening that I had a strong urge to just chuck this diet and eat something nice, something tasty. Anything! Went for a beer with a colleague at a nearby Irish pub.. well she had beer and I had a DC :D and after an hour I wanted to eat soooooo badly! It took a good 30 mins of saying "yah order.." "nooooo I cant eat" literally. How annoying is that? Im glad my colleague didnt punch me in the face..

It was extremely difficult. The internal struggle, reasoning with yourself whether or not to give in. The reasons to give in are very powerful, despite  sounding silly enough in my head. I almost did give in.

My success (for today) depended on just 1 word,1 thought, 1 phrase, 1 decision - NO. THANK YOU.

I will not give in. Sounds easy right? Think again..

Reached home before 9, shaking with hunger and anticipation. Had my last serving of crackers with a teaspoon of light mayo and ate my cauli rice with minced beef.

And everything was alright...

All meals taken on time, fruits, vitamins and crackers too. 2 DCs.

DDay 8:DV free.

DDay 7: The Ugly Truth

Back at 71kgs.. 

I just heard my heart break a bit right there.

I weighed myself today for the Spring Challenge on the forum. It hurts to update my ticker.. From 63kgs back to 71kgs. Im looking at the silver lining here, at least I was not back to 76.9kgs! thats a good 10 lbs off right here..  :(

Target goal was 57kgs.. which I still think is dangerously low, I'd probably be skin and bones by then. And that is a whopping 14kgs away! 14 fucking kilos!! whew. I am more than glad to lose just 10kgs.

I want this 10kg gone by end of September. But this would mean a lot of sacrificing. I may really have to pack food on my 6 day trip to Munich- Vienna - Zurich.

I have to do this.

Woke up with determination and prepared all my meals for today and tomorrow!! :D I seriously wont let myself end like I did yesterday. But I miscalculated the time that I didnt have enough to cook my breakfast. I thought, I can get yogurt from the only grocery in our office building, a low fat one at that. And it was just my luck that there is only 1 left of the plain low fat yogurt..

Whew...

I went to swimming class today. Cant say I wasnt hungry by the end of it :D  And being prepared with a meal paid off today. I got an impromptu invite for a ladies night! I was just so glad that I had my dinner with me, ate it before meeting the girls, and had 2 diet coke's the whole evening..

Reached home by 12:30 though.. so amount of sleep im sure is compromised.

DDay 7: DV free.

BDay 6: New Day

Its another day and felt optimistic during the day. I signed up for swimming classes and today was the 1st day.

I learned how to swim on my own but I want to properly learn how to do this so I can then sign up for surfing lessons.. :D Im not that confident that my swimming skills can save me on deep waters just yet..

The class today was pretty basic..

I froze my gym membership for 1 month. I guess I wont be needing it for now.. I just bought a pair of rollerblades and used them once as its sooooooooo hot right now even in the evenings.. [but Im still thinking of going one of these nights, maybe I can survive..)

Root canal is done.. whew.. way less painful process than my last one..

Period stopped, and it didnt really flow that much as before.. somehow I felt like the cravings are lesser (??)

Im not in a happy place right now as I have gained so much, I feel bloated, and totally out of control.. But still pushing through until I get this mf down!!

Im trying to figure out how can I make myself work the same way I did, have the same discipline I had. Somehow my old tactics are not working on me. I dont know if Im not giving myself enough tough love, or I am being too tough on myself and as an act of rebellion, I am bingeing. Does that make sense??

I am my worst enemy and my best ally..  and I need to choose which one to be...

If I think about it, when Im perfectly fine and not craving, its just food..its just chocolates..  I can surely resist this junk.. I mean I did.. why couldnt I do it now?

Easy.. today.. junk.. resist.. a DV free day..

Then during my craving periods.. the craving just overpowers the rationale..

noommm nommm.. call grocery.. fuck I feel bad about this.. call grocery for more junk.. boom.. a day not DV free

I despise myself right now..

All meals and vitamins taken on time. All crackers and fruit allowance eaten too.

BDay 6, DV free

Day 37: The Number 36

Woke up, gained 400gms. I know I said I wouldnt weigh myself daily but only after 10days, but couldnt help myself..

I almost deviated today, out of choice due to anger and frustration. I couldnt even begin to write it.. Its the fuckall of all news.. So I'd rather not get started and all the flying fucks and mother fuckers will trod on this entry..

Anyhow, I almost reached and took a handful of those Hershey's chocolate nuggets from my colleague who just came back from US and wanted to munch on each single one of them.. The chocolatey goodness..


But the only thing that stopped me is the number 36.

36 days of eating Cohen clean.

Do I just throw it all away? I know it will only add to the misery of the day. I know that at the first taste of that chocolate, I have disregarded my 36 days of hard work. No, not disregarded it BUT I would have set myself back 1 week- ON PURPOSE. Why would I do that?!

All meals taken on time. I forgot my multivitamins and note to self: never to forget again. As the hunger and cravings are evident without it. I had to stop myself from eating my crackers and my fruits, otherwise I will not have anything else except dinner in the evening..

Day 37, DV free.

Thats all. Thank you.

Day 34, 35, 36: All in a Roll

Nothing much happened and at the same time so much has happened that I had to combine these 3 days in one entry.

Day 34

Was bleh.. Went on to work, counting the hours until the weekend finally starts. Had the choice between yoga and sleep and I decided to go home early and sleep. But I didnt. What's up with that??

We went clubbing in the evening as we wanted to try this F Studio Club, which kinda sucked. I mean the music sucked. We were looking forward to some dancing but the music(which was good for lounging) did not fit our taste. So we went on to Boudior, and lo and behold, our hiphop rnb craving were satieted. We danced from 12:30 til 2:30 in our closed high-heeled shoes (some stupid requirement from F Club). I could barely make it back to the car.

All meals intact btw and had dinner by 9 and had an apple before the club. I just ordered a bottle of water :) yay me!

Day 35

Since I slept around 4am, I missed breakfast! yep thats right. I set my alarm for 9:30 and woke up at 12:30 in search of my phone. And for the life of me, I cant figure out how my phone unhooked itself from charging and found its way beside me on the other side of the bed :D

So I immediately emailed my consultant. Should I stick to the 3 meals but adjust my timings until 10pm? Or should I keep the 9PM last meal of the day (which means I will skip 1 meal). And the stickler of an answer was:

Thank you for your e-mail.

Please do not skip meals as this trains your body to store your food as fat.

Rather have your meals, 5 hours apart and wait at least 1 hour prior to going to bed after your last meal.

Please let us know if you have any further questions.

Sheesh.. So I had 3 meals today but moved the timings.  I slept by 12.

For lunch, I decided to have a cheese meal. I chopped up my veggies pretty finely (mushrooms + zucchini+cabbage+onions+capsicum), stir fried them and placed a spoon of Philadelphia fat free on top of it until it melted completely. Served it with green apples on top (cubed) and kept the rest of the cheese allowance on the side. It tasted good! I loved it..

Cheese- back on the list :D

I was a total vegetable today. I planned to:

- clean:  nah couldnt be bothered
- laundry: too lazy to get bum out of the couch
- shop for food:  i didnt want to change out of my old-as-rag clothes, make my face decent and comb my hair

Needless to say, I didnt do anything productive today, but ate all my meals

Day 36

Oh this day was hectic:

8am: 1 load in the wash > washed my cat's litter box > gave my cat a bath > given antibiotics to my foster cat and cleaned his litter box > cooked brekky > went out for groceries > weighed my proteins and some veggies and kept in fridge > cooked lunch & dinner > met friends at the beach for some beach volley > watched Sabotage > dinner> cooked 2 days worth of meals

And Im sure, by tomorrow I would have gained like another 200gms again. I am seeing a pattern that stress (in this sense) makes me gain.

I should learn this lesson and do something about it. Im being too lazy to divide up my day.. I dunno as stupid as that sounds..


Day 34-36, DV free

Day 23: Saturday = Stress Day

Ive noticed that for the past 3 Saturdays, 2 of them were full  of running errands. And each Sunday after that, I wake up, weigh in and gain 200gms just like this morning! :((

How can I change this? hmmm... I've got 3 more kilos to lose until month end.. I have got to achieve this!

Today is a boring day and I am having the feeling of wanting to deviate just to have some variety during the day. Im just so glad that I had prepared all my meals in advance so there's not even a slight chance for me to find an excuse of getting off plan. Although, as I am feeling this, I actually dont know what I wanted to eat/deviate to.. Its probably just the bored feeling and Im using food to get rid of it..


kill me.. kill me now! :'(

As I was driving to office this morning, I saw this big ad on the bus stop saying "Crispy Chocolate Espresso" with an image of an ice cream on a stick.. Its crispy +  it has chocolate + and it has espresso in an ice cream stick!! What more could you ask for???  huwwaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!! :(

Temptation everyday, everywhere!

Day 16: Oh No... :-(

Would you look at that?! The weather keeps getting nastier.. Uff..  No wonder everyone I know is some sort of 'sick'.. Im just glad I didnt clean my balcony yet!!

Woke up this morning and did my weigh in (which I know I shouldnt do daily, but hey?) and I gained 200gms!!

Just reading that makes me laugh. Its crazy to even react a bit on a weight gain as miniscule as that! Im not really bothered, I just wanted to know why it happened. It could be:

1) TOM
2) My breakfast yesterday was kind of salty for my taste, so I must have had more salt for breakfast than usual
3) I changed crispbread brands? Finn Multigrain is allowed (right?), and I weighed them too before taking them
4) Stress? TOM + cooked my 4days worth of meals for 3 hrs, so I was standing for 3 hours (includes washing dishes, and cleaning the kitchen up)

Hmm what could it be? I aim to lose 5 more kilos by end of March or more..

I was so busy today that I didnt get to pee until 1pm!! I was bursting! :D

My meals today are all seafood, and they were all tasty.. :) yipeee!

Breakfast: egg omelette + crispbreads
Snack: greenapple and coffee
Lunch: prawns and zucchi pasta with basil, mushrooms, garlic, corriander and tomato..yumm
Snack: 1 crispbread
Dinner: Garlic tilapia fillet with parsley and corriander + mixed stir fried cabbage, mushrooms, onion and capsicum+sprite light
Evening snack:  medium orange

However, I did feel hungry quickly after my dinner. After an hour I find myself reaching for that orange.

Still DV free!!