BDay 6: New Day

Its another day and felt optimistic during the day. I signed up for swimming classes and today was the 1st day.

I learned how to swim on my own but I want to properly learn how to do this so I can then sign up for surfing lessons.. :D Im not that confident that my swimming skills can save me on deep waters just yet..

The class today was pretty basic..

I froze my gym membership for 1 month. I guess I wont be needing it for now.. I just bought a pair of rollerblades and used them once as its sooooooooo hot right now even in the evenings.. [but Im still thinking of going one of these nights, maybe I can survive..)

Root canal is done.. whew.. way less painful process than my last one..

Period stopped, and it didnt really flow that much as before.. somehow I felt like the cravings are lesser (??)

Im not in a happy place right now as I have gained so much, I feel bloated, and totally out of control.. But still pushing through until I get this mf down!!

Im trying to figure out how can I make myself work the same way I did, have the same discipline I had. Somehow my old tactics are not working on me. I dont know if Im not giving myself enough tough love, or I am being too tough on myself and as an act of rebellion, I am bingeing. Does that make sense??

I am my worst enemy and my best ally..  and I need to choose which one to be...

If I think about it, when Im perfectly fine and not craving, its just food..its just chocolates..  I can surely resist this junk.. I mean I did.. why couldnt I do it now?

Easy.. today.. junk.. resist.. a DV free day..

Then during my craving periods.. the craving just overpowers the rationale..

noommm nommm.. call grocery.. fuck I feel bad about this.. call grocery for more junk.. boom.. a day not DV free

I despise myself right now..

All meals and vitamins taken on time. All crackers and fruit allowance eaten too.

BDay 6, DV free

Day 65: Post Experiment

I am still feeling the repercussions of my Binge experiment.

Woke up: +2kgs total of 3kgs ---> will be weighing daily until I get rid of these 3kgs. Afterwards, I will only update when I order refeed at 59kgs..

Tummy: Bloated, cramping and gassy ---> all througout the day.. I did poop well today though.. so that helped with the cramping (sorry, too much info)

I got up today with the same determination to continue on the plan DV free. Somehow, I even felt recharged after it. Ready to face the next few weeks.

The weight gained was the risk I took to be able to do what I did. I have no qualms, no regrets about it.

This body fat, has nowhere to go but out of me. I will see through it.

Anyhoo, I had a meeting today wherein this guy, had bought me lunch from costa - chicken salad and a muffin. Good thing is it came packed so I told him I will have it after our meeting. The choco muffin looked so tempting and gooey. Right after the meeting, I called my friend and asked her if she wanted my lunch.. She took it..

Whew.

I had beef patties for lunch today! I had the beef minced at the butchers. But I feel like the quantity is actually more than what it is showing on the scales? Weird. I mixed it with grated zucchini, garlic, onion, and green bell pepper and made them into patties! The remaining veg was cabbage and mushroom as sides..

Today is our Staff Meet - Spidey 2 4D X movie and dinner -- skipped the popcorn and dinner. I had my CD meal and DC during dinner..

All meals intact, vitamins, 4 crackers, 1 fruit (all from orig EP), and 3 DCs taken today

Day 65, DV free.