Its another day and felt optimistic during the day. I signed up for swimming classes and today was the 1st day. I learned how to swim on my own but I want to properly learn how to do this so I can then sign up for surfing lessons.. :D Im not that confident that my swimming skills can save me on deep waters just yet..
The class today was pretty basic..
I froze my gym membership for 1 month. I guess I wont be needing it for now.. I just bought a pair of rollerblades and used them once as its sooooooooo hot right now even in the evenings.. [but Im still thinking of going one of these nights, maybe I can survive..)
Root canal is done.. whew.. way less painful process than my last one..
Period stopped, and it didnt really flow that much as before.. somehow I felt like the cravings are lesser (??)
Im not in a happy place right now as I have gained so much, I feel bloated, and totally out of control.. But still pushing through until I get this mf down!!
Im trying to figure out how can I make myself work the same way I did, have the same discipline I had. Somehow my old tactics are not working on me. I dont know if Im not giving myself enough tough love, or I am being too tough on myself and as an act of rebellion, I am bingeing. Does that make sense??
I am my worst enemy and my best ally.. and I need to choose which one to be...
If I think about it, when Im perfectly fine and not craving, its just food..its just chocolates.. I can surely resist this junk.. I mean I did.. why couldnt I do it now?
Easy.. today.. junk.. resist.. a DV free day..
Then during my craving periods.. the craving just overpowers the rationale..
noommm nommm.. call grocery.. fuck I feel bad about this.. call grocery for more junk.. boom.. a day not DV free
I despise myself right now..
All meals and vitamins taken on time. All crackers and fruit allowance eaten too.
BDay 6, DV free
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