86th Day: Do or Don't Do, There Is No Try.

Yes, straight from the master! When you are in this programme, try is not really an option because it is a call for self-sabotage!! 😐

See, I have tried and failed to be 100% on plan for years. Trying to beat the system, rationalizing my deviations (big or small), and false hopes of thinking that I can always rein it in. Years later, I'm still doing the same mistakes. 

Insanity right? But why do I this to myself? Lack of willpower? Procrastination? Not a fan of delayed gratification? Why? Knowing what I know and I continue to fail so many times.. The plan is not difficult, it is restrictive, but not difficult at all. The guess work is removed and all you have to do is to follow it. WHY is it so hard to stay OP? I have to dig deep :D uff..

Taking it one day at a time, I managed to end the day deviation free. Its not without difficulty though. I'm craving all sorts of things like cup noodles!! Hmmm..

Feeling really tired too. Hint of TOM showed today.. so its going to be a rough week..

Day 85: All meals taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 1 DC. Deviation free.

46th Day: 😑

Feel like shite today. Didnt bother to weigh myself in the morning. 

PMS symptoms on and rocking. Feeling tired, heavy and sleepy too. Hungry as well.

I also suspect that I'm not good with hummus.

It took some effort to be deviation free today, and lots of water and caffeine.

I want to sleeeeepppppzzzzzz....

Day 46: Deviation free.

Day 32: Sleep, Food for the Soul, and a Bad Day

Make that sleepy and tired!

I need more sleep! Woke up yesterday and today feeling as if I could sleep more even though I went to bed the same time. I don't feel foggy headed per se but I have a feeling that I would feel much better if I had an extra hour or 2 of sleep. My sleep tracker has been showing me better sleep quality but today I was just feeling super tired!

My official start date was 1 Aug, so Im expecting the official weigh in on the morning of 1st and will get a recommendation for another blood test. Hmmm.. wonder what Wilma (my online consultant) will say about that.

Felt pretty bored today too. Didn't have much to do and I want to read a book instead of eating. There's an absence of hunger too (ref back to my Not Hungry post). Given that, I did a lot of mistakes at work that can make my temp boss explode with anger due to her short temper. But what can she do? Nothing but understand. She at least asked me if everything was ok.

Also, since I was bored, tired, and feeling crap for doing mistakes at work, I immediately craved for something sweet to eat or something good, like bread or chips or ice cream! But of course I did not give in as I recognize this behavior as something that has nothing to do with hunger or the need to feed. Its just what I call 'food for the soul' which I don't need to give in right now. Its not worth it.

My clothes are definitely looser and no longer snug on me. I like :) But thinking that I have at least 14kgs to lose makes me feel like the end is sooo very far away. And I don't know how re-invent my meals, since I only salt and pepper as condiments.

Reached home at 9 so ate my dinner at 9:30. I had to go buy some proteins as I realized I was out. After dinner, watched an episode of Chopped then sat outside to read a bit but I couldn't keep my eyes open and went to bed at 11.

Day 32: deviation free. All allowances taken.

Mood = not so good

Hunger = none. Craving, yes.

DDAy 8: Emotions and Eating

Do not underestimate the power of this phrase.

Gained 1.2kg!! wtf? Did I have too much DCs yesterday? I think I had more than a liter!?!? Did my lack of sleep do this? :'(

I will not weigh myself again until I have to. Im feeling sad right now.. and surprisingly.. missing the bf.. well much.. jeez.. I just saw him on Sunday... errrmmm.. so unfamiliar territory.

Tried not to be cranky.. not easy. but after coffee.. everything was bright again! #coffeelover hahahaha

I have my food for today stocked in the office, but still cooked my breakfast for today and tomorrow plus 1 meal. Im keeping this having 2 days worth of meals available all the time.

I gave away the last Provita pack I had at home. I really cant handle that. I end up eating more than what Im allowed, and once I start, its difficult to stop. I need to stock up on ryvitas.

Come midday, i had a huge argument with one of my best friends. Took a lot out of me. I was so bummed in the evening that I had a strong urge to just chuck this diet and eat something nice, something tasty. Anything! Went for a beer with a colleague at a nearby Irish pub.. well she had beer and I had a DC :D and after an hour I wanted to eat soooooo badly! It took a good 30 mins of saying "yah order.." "nooooo I cant eat" literally. How annoying is that? Im glad my colleague didnt punch me in the face..

It was extremely difficult. The internal struggle, reasoning with yourself whether or not to give in. The reasons to give in are very powerful, despite  sounding silly enough in my head. I almost did give in.

My success (for today) depended on just 1 word,1 thought, 1 phrase, 1 decision - NO. THANK YOU.

I will not give in. Sounds easy right? Think again..

Reached home before 9, shaking with hunger and anticipation. Had my last serving of crackers with a teaspoon of light mayo and ate my cauli rice with minced beef.

And everything was alright...

All meals taken on time, fruits, vitamins and crackers too. 2 DCs.

DDay 8:DV free.