86th Day: Do or Don't Do, There Is No Try.

Yes, straight from the master! When you are in this programme, try is not really an option because it is a call for self-sabotage!! 😐

See, I have tried and failed to be 100% on plan for years. Trying to beat the system, rationalizing my deviations (big or small), and false hopes of thinking that I can always rein it in. Years later, I'm still doing the same mistakes. 

Insanity right? But why do I this to myself? Lack of willpower? Procrastination? Not a fan of delayed gratification? Why? Knowing what I know and I continue to fail so many times.. The plan is not difficult, it is restrictive, but not difficult at all. The guess work is removed and all you have to do is to follow it. WHY is it so hard to stay OP? I have to dig deep :D uff..

Taking it one day at a time, I managed to end the day deviation free. Its not without difficulty though. I'm craving all sorts of things like cup noodles!! Hmmm..

Feeling really tired too. Hint of TOM showed today.. so its going to be a rough week..

Day 85: All meals taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 1 DC. Deviation free.

85th Day: I Cant Wait!

Ok, so I've been little miss grumpy the past few days. Blame it on the PMS or the detox and the lack of sleep but I am determined to change this!

I sifted through Koh's Classics and came across a post that I have read  before but only resonated with me now - the Physical Changes apart from Weight Loss. Amazing read! Its was entertaining to read the positive (and even some of the negative) effects of taking on the diet. 

I started to look forward to the things as I continue to be on the plan  - deviation free. Aside from the previous pics that I keep looking back on, I imagine certain scenarios of me coming to office all thin and healthy with majority of the people and players seeing me after almost 7 mos. The compliments, and the well meaning "You're too thin!" comments. I couldn't care less (is this sentence grammatically correct?? :D I've heard it so many times, and I cant wrap my head if it is or not for some reason...)

I look forward to:

• Getting rid of my nasal spray dependency..
• Wall climbing. Imagine at my heaviest I was able to do this (the easy ones) what more with 29 kgs off me!
• Work on my flexibility again. Im guessing being rid of the inches will allow me to reach places more than now. Oh! and crossing my legs and locking in my foot behind my calf :) seriously cant wait..
• Seeing all the loose skin and missing "girls" because knowing myself I will feel bad about this DEFINITELY. I look forward to reminding myself to be kind to myself and rejoice in the fact that I did it finally. I got rid of the weight that I've been battling with for decades...
• Getting through all the clothes piled up in my closet. I couldn't let go of my thin clothes, which is a good thing. I don't need to spend more once I approach goal! yayyy!

After this, mood has improved tremendously. Well, I'm still irritable due to the lack of sleep and PMS but I felt the excitement come across me. I'm sure there's more but for now these are it. I cant wait!!! 😺

Day 85: Deviation free

84th Day: Well, Supposed To Be..

So I'm back and I lost 4 weeks due to an unavoidable circumstance.

I weighed yesterday, up by 4kgs. whoa.. NOT CHANGING MY TICKER!

I could have been back on plan 3 days ago but its so hard to stick to it. Just so easy to order every bad think I want on Uber Eats or Zomato..

Haven't been sleeping well too. My sleep patterns have changed, I could as well be living on the other side of the world. My nights have become my days and my days are spent sleeping. Now that I'm back at work, I am struggling!

I'm not going to reset my day count as I am extending my current plan by purchasing another 3 months of support (online clinic). Apparently I cannot get my refeed if I dont do this.

Day 84: Cranky, Craving, Sleepy with 9 days before TOM. But deviation free.

46th Day: 😑

Feel like shite today. Didnt bother to weigh myself in the morning. 

PMS symptoms on and rocking. Feeling tired, heavy and sleepy too. Hungry as well.

I also suspect that I'm not good with hummus.

It took some effort to be deviation free today, and lots of water and caffeine.

I want to sleeeeepppppzzzzzz....

Day 46: Deviation free.

44th Day: Eventful

What a tiring day!  I'm trying to sort my issues out and have hired a lawyer. I have a hearing again on the 26th and until then, everything will be as normal.

I've shed my weight gain as of this morning! Yay! Back to my weight prior to the incident last week. I hope the scale continues to go down.

Pretty tired but I'm thankful. I was also craving in the evening for nuts :/

Day 44: Deviation free

41st Day: Back on Plan

After the situation I had the past 3 days, I am more than eager to just get back on the plan and not to think about how much more delay I'm going to face with regards to my weight loss. 

I got tempted to have an off day, like take this day as a cheat day and order in or just relax, but I didnt. Like a good girl, I cooked my meals, ate them on time, took my vitamins, crackers 1 DC but no fruits for today. I'm guessing I have some sugar overload from the paratha roll and pizza slices I had.

Did nothing much today but relaxed and slept. God knows I didnt sleep much at all during that time. 

Day 41: Deviation free

36th Day: Plateau Island

Woke up this morning and dammit, the scale still hasn't moved!!

I'm starting to get stressed about this, or I'm trying to control the stress this is causing me. I read my previous posts after the 1st month during my first try, and the pattern is basically the same. Lost a few grams, only to gain it back and settling on weigh in figure by Day 38 (2014). Thing is, I have more to lose now than before and I haven't exercised in years. So I'm kinda confused as to how this is going for me this time around.

I will only appreciate a plateau when I reach my goal weight, I eat as planned and not gain a single gram!!!

Day 36: Deviation free.

35th Day: Back at Work

Vacation mode over.

It's been  4 days and the scale hasnt moved down!!! Stuck at 80.4kg and its starting to get to me. Good thing is, my clothes are fitting better and I assume that by mid-June, my old clothes will start to fit albeit tightly.

The office slacks Im wearing today is fitting right, if not a bit loose. It used to be so tight that Im afraid I will rip it when I sit, so I havent been wearing it for some time :D This is just one of the many clothes I cant wait to wear --- I have a suitcase full of them!!!

I must soldier on.

Day 35: All meals, crackers, fruits and vits taken on time. Deviation free..

34th Day: A Parade of Sugar..

We went to the movies earlier. I was prepared with my packed food (lunch, crackers, fruit and DC) just in case I get tempted with the popcorn. The thing is, we had some time to kill and my BF decided to eat Frozen Yogurt prior to the movie. I love fro-yo's... :( It wasn't so hard to say no to it, but it sure would have been nice to have one. 

We had about an hour to kill before the movie, so we walked around and 30mins before the movie we waited outside the cinema. I observed kids carrying their own chocolate packets, teens with their slushies, families carrying boxes of krispy kreme's and others with their own popcorn, nachos, and soda's. It was basically a parade of sugar and everyone is enjoying it and scarily, oblivious to the fact that what they are having doesn't do the body any good.

Was I envious? Tempted? I honestly do recall the taste of each food and I know I would like the taste too, but I wasn't tempted. I was fine not having it. Why is it that during the programme and being 100% on it makes it so much easier not to eat the foods that you know are bad for you? I didn't have anything outside the plan and I was ok, I didn't crave and I didn't feel deprived.

My sense of smell has become better too, I can actually smell the nachos for a change and still I wasn't tempted. I was thinking: "I would love to have those nachos..." but when I start thinking about the cheese, I stop because at the of my mind I'm not sure if that is even real cheese! 

The cinema was packed and the smell of food was wafting left, right and centre. I can smell everything. Did not matter. I was satiated.

On other news, it's been 3 days and the scale hasn't moved!! It is starting to get to me. I'm still stuck at 80.4kgs. What could have I done?

- meal spacing (timing): ü

- cracker to cracker timing: ü

- 2-3L water intake: ü

- sleep: like the usual

Could it be the switch in Omega 3 supplement??? :(

Day 34: Meals, crackers, fruit and vits taken on time. 1 DC. Deviation free

33rd Day: Mangoes and Other Fruits

I've mentioned that i've cut out the fruits and the diet colas recently and observed that my losses were more than all the days that I had fruits. So 2 days ago (31st day) I ate 2 mangoes at different times in the afternoon. I observed that I did get hungry faster and I wasnt even planning on eating the 2nd mango, but 2.5hrs later, I did.

2 days later, the scale hasnt moved.

Maybe I shouldnt have had that 1st mango in 1 go.. maybe i should have eaten the 2nd one at all... maybe I should have taken my fruits earlier in the day... maybe stay away from mangoes at all!!!

I think, this has something to do with the sugar, I just cant explain it.

I have other fruits in the fridge that I will try from tomorrow (nectarines, oranges , apples). Im sick of apples though and it does make me hungry too.

Today was fine, still doing nothing at home but binge reading the forum, specifically on topics about refeed and maintenance. That site has a wealth of information that I cant believe I didnt make an effort to read before. Amazing.

Day 33: All meals, crackers and vit taken on time.  1 fruit. Deviation free. 

P.S.: I think I had the deviation dream last night but I cant remember it. All I remember was the feeling of  being out of control and spiralling with eating out-of-the- plan food.

31st Day

So I had my 30day weigh in today and Im pretty happy (read results here).

Aside from the plan related improvements, I have learned to forgive my boyfriend for cooking all the mf meals he has been eating on his diet. I mean T-bone steaks, pork ribs and bangers, pork belly??? I mean, would you look at these 2 dishes?!? 👿 

I reckon his diet is closer to Keto with Intermittent Fasting. He only eats once a day after his morning shift, so his body is in full fasted mode before he goes to work and eats just about time. 

I'm getting used to just smelling his food and not really wanting to take his plate. Today he made pork belly cubed up with some veggies and mushroom. Not bad.

As for me, I have been sleeping more since the break started. It feels good to get the right amount of sleep. I'm in bed by 11pm and my body wakes up at around 5am, but I don't get up (I know I should) and try to sleep in more. I promise I will do that tomorrow.. hmmm..

I had cut out the fruits and diet cola's for 2 days now and I noticed my losses have been more than the days I have them. Is it because I cut out these 2 or was it because I am sleeping better? I do miss my oranges and mangoes. But, as I have been listening to Dr. Berg as well, every time we eat, we spike insulin, even if we have coffee or just have our fruits for snacks. Plus, as I have been reading a lot of entries in the NewYouForum, especially on exercise, I found out that our muscles need sugar when we exercise and since I eat the fruits without exercise, I have sugar floating around and not really being utilized. So maybe next time, I will have the fruit before I expect some movement (like running errands, driving to work/walking to office or when I go out for a walk), or just take it when I feel hungry/peckish.

I'm also being mindful of my water intake as well, I try to make it to 3 liters per day. I 

My Omega 3 liquid supplement has run out so I got a new one. I didn't buy the one I was using coz it's bloody expensive! I have no doubt its good, but I need to economize. So bought another one from the same brand - Complete Omega (with Omega 3,6,9) that's twice the size. Let's see the effects.. if I'm not happy about it, will switch back to the Ultimate Omega.

Still on my break and relaxing. I'm thinking of going for a massage today or tomorrow. 

Day 31: All meals, crackers and vits taken on time. Deviation free.

30th Day: Relaxing

No, this is not me nor my bathroom. How I wish! :)

So I'm following through my plan of taking this break by relaxing in the comfort of our home. All of my friends are all travelling on their own, which I cant help but be jealous of. But hey, I have to make the most of it in any way that I can.

Yesterday, my body woke up before 5am! How about that? But I didnt get up (yikes). I chose to roll around the bed, my alarm going off at 06:30 and 07:30. I managed to get in some more sleep and got up at around 08:40-ish. Feel bad for bf, he had to go to work at 06:30....

Made breakfast, had coffee, did nothing. Listened to books and watched a few episodes of Friends for a good laugh. I havent laughed out loud in a while, so it felt good. 

BF came home from his morning shift and we watched the Alienist. He went for his afternoon/evening shift, I made my lunch and ate on time and prepared my DIY stuff which I have available at home.

1. Hair mask - fresh aloe vera + egg yolk + olive oil -> washed my hair off with sulphate-free shampoo and conditioned it really well. Leave on conditioner post bath.

2. Face scrub /mask - egg white + oats + honey -> toner + face oil

3. Foot scrub - whilst the hair and face mixture(s) processed, I gave myself a foot scrupband used Footlogix stuff which I bought some time ago. Their scrubber (?) is the best. So if you've got some thick ass dead skin on the soles of your foot, this is the best thing you can own for that (Im not paid whatsover to say this). Followed it up with the moisturizing mousse.

Watched more of Friends, laughed some more.

BF came home and we finished the Alienist. Had my dinner.

A totally relaxing day, not worrying about a thing. I kinda feel guilty though. Today I have more stuff to do and will squeeze in a bubble bath and a luxurious oil/salt body scrub at no cost. A friend gave me a relaxing body scrub with essential oils plus a body cream for Christmas that I have used only once. And another one has gifted me for our move-in day a year ago with a bubble bath plus bath salts that I used about twice. So I guess its time to utilize those. I'm lucky I have awesome products at home! 

Lovely.

Day 30: All meals, crackers and vits taken on time. Deviation free. 

28th Day: Death in the family

My friend's mom died today. We were just talking about her yesterday as my friend was showing me their old pictures together and then today, she died peacefully in her sleep.

I cant imagine my mom passing away. I dont have a lot of fears but this is one of them. Being an expat in another country so far away from my folks is something I question my self from time "What am I doing here? My parents have a few more years left and I why I am spending it away from them." Easy to say to move back home, but Im scared to start all over again. Plus I actually dont feel like returning and settling back home for some reason... 

On the diet side, nothing to report, but I was just really hungry in the afternoon. Had my meal at 4pm, then hunger kicked in after an hour, had a full mango, then hungry again after an hour, so I had my diet cola..

Day 27: All meals, vitamins, fruits and crackers taken on time. Deviation free.

25th Day: Making Procrastination Work for Me :)

Tee-hee..

Its almost Eid and we are currently off season at work, so there are tons of opportunities to not really work. I am currently planning ahead the things to do etc once the season kicks off in Oct, but right now.. I'm not. :p

Im using this time to re-read my diary in the newyouforum, giving myself a reminder of who I was or how I was on plan. I surprised myself a few times with what I wrote. I admire that woman, so tough, deviation free for almost 70-80 days? :D

I've also been reading up on other posts and the links that Koh had suggested. Tons of great material! That forum is really amazing, and it does help to keep your head straight to goal. Read up on a few diaries too.

The forum is way too quiet. It does help when people respond, because its nice to know that you are being heard? at the same time though, if there were a lot of people active there, it means a lot of people are also trying to lose weight (?). Anyhoo, I hope those people who were commenting on my diary are well out of the cycle of trying to get to goal, or at least living in health.

I'm still on plan and deviation free. Nothing to report much. 

I have a problem with sleeping though. I get to bed by 10 and I dont sleep until late.. past midnight. I just cant sleep good. But in the afternoon, I do. Like yesterday, reached home around 4:30, had some crackers, and did some stuff around the house to keep myself awake. Did some mindless browsing, and at around 7 dozed off! uff, at 7:30 bf came home and I woke up from the deepest sleep I ever had!! It was so good. Why cant I have that when its actually time to sleep?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!

Argh.

We have a very long weekend next week and Im not travelling anywhere.. 8 days of being at home. Im already enumerating the things I should do because knowing me, when Im bored, I think of eating and thats a long time of being bored that I just might deviate by not being prepared.

Day 25 - All meals, fruits & crackers taken, vitamins too. Deviation free.

24th Day: Revelations Lost in Time

Ok, so here am I thinking and complaining Im losing weight so slowly and just waking up everyday, weighing and getting off the scale disappointed. But someone from the forum suggested to check my past results, which I haven’t thought of doing because I thought I lost all that data in my corrupted hard drive. Luckily, I have this blog where I wrote Round-ups. I checked my ROUND UP ->Week 1 to 4 & Results and lo and behold, Im just being paranoid about my losses now. On my first 4 weeks during my first try, I lost 8.7kgs in total, and right now, I’ve already lost 6.4kgs and I still have 8 days to go until I complete 1 month.

So I guess this is in order:

 

But before I read the post in the forum, I already am a bit enlightened by the changes in my body in the span of 3 weeks: 

1. Clothes definitely fit better

1. My face looks less bloated

1. Skin looks so much better. I don’t really wear makeup and Im fortunate to work in an office that I can get away with bare skin.

I’m still tweaking my plan, trying to figure out which is causing me to lose at the rate that Im losing. I’m reducing my cracker intake and keeping off the mayo for a few days. I bought that Barts Mild Curry Powder and used it once, Im also going to wait until after my weigh in to use it again. I also really need to sort my sleep. Im not sleeping well and I feel tired. I think this is the missing factor to really get the best out of this diet.I also plan to do the same tracking as I used to, Im just not sure if I will have the patience for it. 😃Cheers to the day, still deviation free.

21st Day - On Plan and Cranky (and the Xiaomi Scale)

https://www.mi.com/global/mi-body-composition-scale/

I bet you dont get to read that often if you have been on the Newyouforum reading the diaries of those who are OP.

I have been on plan for about 21 days now, not totally deviation free. I may have eaten a few more crackers or ate a whole mango in one sitting at the beginning, but no nasties whatsoever. I did have that Cohen high maybe a week ago, but I guess my period is coming up that's why Im a bit short tempered. PLUS, my scale hasn't moved down for 2 days!!

I bought a Xiaomi Body Composition Scale 15 days ago, that shows also the BMR, Fat %, Water %, Protein %, BMR kcal, Visceral fat, Muscle kg, Bone Mass kg and Body age... The weight part is accurate. I dont know how accurate the other metrics are, but it doesn't paint a good picture. As of today:

	26-May
Weight	82.9
Body Score	41
BMI	30.4
Fat %	41.9%
Water %	41.4%
Protein %	13.1%
BMR kcal	1409
Visceral	9
Muscle kg	45.3
Bone Mass kg	2.8
Body Age	68

Body age of 68 - FTW?!

Don't get me started on where I am losing my weight, apparently its from my Muscle.  Whilst my BF, who is on his High Fat diet, gained muscle and lost weight!! Hmmmm...

My bf is also on a diet, he is on a high fat diet, 1 meal a day thing. He eats oats for fiber but thats it and he is having tremendous losses per day!!! Plus his work allows him to move a lot by default. He cooks huge steaks and pork belly in our cast iron and I cry inside when the bacon smell hits me and the house smells of bacon until the next day. :'( who doesn't love bacon!??!?! 

but i am standing strong, i keep telling him what may work for him may not work for me. Although in ALL of the diets I've tried in my life, I haven't tried the high fat one. 

I haven't been sleeping well too. I take a nap in the afternoons due to the shortened Ramadan timings. I tried to read but I keep falling asleep, and then by midnight, I am wide awake.

I feel like im doing something wrong in the plan.. but i cant pinpoint what it is.

5th Day: Vanity

Today's much better. Felt sharper. I guess the sleep helped. I was dozing off aroubd 9:30 yesterday which was 30mins after my dinner. I tried to stay up at least until 10:30.

Woke up this morning and couldnt help but weigh myself. Dayumm.. im down 4kgs already! I guess my old plan still works, or could also be i just finished TOM. Lets see in a few days if I keep dropping.

I am not feeling strong at all. Im watching tv and its a wedding scene and all i cant think about is eating cake! :'( The only thing thats stopping me are the thoughts in my head. As vain as it seems Im still on the "getting thinner" mindset. Healthy, yes, but more on the looking good part. Shame eh? But as long as it works and keeps me OP.

BF: egg, veggies, crackers Centrum

LU: chicken, veggies, cracker, coke light

SN: apple

DI: beef, veggies, cracker, coke light

CAF: 1 black coffee

VIT: collagen 1&3n, hyaluronic, collagen 2

Day 5 - deviation free

2nd day: I Love Me a Good Peach

Its the end of day 2 and i think im doing alright. Ate all my meals and on time. Had the time to shop for food even if I left the office late. As soon as I stepped inside the grocery, the smell of peaches was overwhlemingly nice, I had to buy some :D

I reached home and I didnt even take the time to sit down and went straight to measuring my veggies for next few days. Coz if my ass touches the couch, i think it will be stuck there :P

I know its too soon to tell, but it does feel good to eat better. Feels... light. Im worried about the detox though thats about to come. I've been off the wagon for years that I'm sure I'm going to pay for it 🙈 (headaches.. sore throat.. and i dont know what else... 😟)

Im going to be really busy for the next 3 months starting next week. I hope I can pull this off.

BF: 1 egg,  veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum
LU: beef, veggies, 1 cracker
SN: Evening: 1 peach
DI: chicken, veggies, 1 cracker, 1 coke light
CAF: 1 cup, black
VIT: AM - Collagen 1, 3 +C, Hyaluronic, NN - Collagen 2

EDay 2: Holey Moley..

Ok.. today was... ugh!

 

There was a birthday celebrant in the office and she had her carrot cake for everyone around 10:30 in the morning.. on top of that, she pulled out, 2 big bowls of lindt choco balls!!!

 

I bravely said "No thank you." but  my head was saying: "kill me.. kill me now!"

 

I took a few of those chocolates for the bf. Seriously.. how tough am I? hahahaha

 

Around 12pm, I realize.. dang! Oktoberfest is coming up.. and I realized I will be around 3 wks in if I keep this up.. Office will be having hosted events, similar to the Maifest ones I organized for our agents.

 

Will I be as strong enough then?

 

Then at 2pm, I realized.. dang! If I do this straight, I figured it will take 2 months to lose the weight that I have to lose and that will be exactly 7days away from my next trip.. And this trip is a trip back home.  Itinerary is not final yet, but what I know is that I have 2 clubbing nights, 1 hen's night and 1 wedding to attend to.

 

Should I start refeed earlier so I dont sabotage this???

Im getting ahead of myself and I am not even over the 10day detox period. Or the 1st wkend challenge.

 

At 5pm, colleague came in and distributed chocolate muffins for everyone. Took 2, to be given to the bf. This is not good... for him :D

 

Hmmm..

 

Today was alright. Had to endure the popcorn and nacho smell as I watched Maze Runner..

 

All meals taken on time (well dinner at 10), vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 2DCs.

 

EDay 2: DV free.