86th Day: Do or Don't Do, There Is No Try.

Yes, straight from the master! When you are in this programme, try is not really an option because it is a call for self-sabotage!! 😐

See, I have tried and failed to be 100% on plan for years. Trying to beat the system, rationalizing my deviations (big or small), and false hopes of thinking that I can always rein it in. Years later, I'm still doing the same mistakes. 

Insanity right? But why do I this to myself? Lack of willpower? Procrastination? Not a fan of delayed gratification? Why? Knowing what I know and I continue to fail so many times.. The plan is not difficult, it is restrictive, but not difficult at all. The guess work is removed and all you have to do is to follow it. WHY is it so hard to stay OP? I have to dig deep :D uff..

Taking it one day at a time, I managed to end the day deviation free. Its not without difficulty though. I'm craving all sorts of things like cup noodles!! Hmmm..

Feeling really tired too. Hint of TOM showed today.. so its going to be a rough week..

Day 85: All meals taken on time, vitamins, fruits and crackers too. 1 DC. Deviation free.

84th Day: Well, Supposed To Be..

So I'm back and I lost 4 weeks due to an unavoidable circumstance.

I weighed yesterday, up by 4kgs. whoa.. NOT CHANGING MY TICKER!

I could have been back on plan 3 days ago but its so hard to stick to it. Just so easy to order every bad think I want on Uber Eats or Zomato..

Haven't been sleeping well too. My sleep patterns have changed, I could as well be living on the other side of the world. My nights have become my days and my days are spent sleeping. Now that I'm back at work, I am struggling!

I'm not going to reset my day count as I am extending my current plan by purchasing another 3 months of support (online clinic). Apparently I cannot get my refeed if I dont do this.

Day 84: Cranky, Craving, Sleepy with 9 days before TOM. But deviation free.

45th Day: Craving & Hungry

Craving or feeling hungry quicker than the other days. Don't know why.

Last night, I had to really control myself in eating the nuts at home. I was so close to breaking but my reward showed up in the scales this morning :)

2 hours before my 2nd meal, I felt hungry. It didnt help that my colleague was having McDonald's french fries and the other one a McFlurry. Post the 2nd meal at 3:30PM, I felt the hungry strike after an hour..

What's going on? I was so tempted to give in.. There's a bunch of sweets from my colleague that's just sitting right in front of me for about 2 days now and I havent caved (yet). But I waaaannnnt!

Later in the afternoon, my friend from Netherlands messaged me that she wanted to meet up as she is flying back tomorrow morning. I havent seen the woman in 10years! But I didnt have my dinner with me. Even though I felt there is a huge possibility of me deviating, I still went to see her as i dont know when i will see her again. 

Least to say I caved and ate. Ate chicken kebab, hummus, salad, bread, and had a few teaspoons of muhalabiya. 

I was hungry and craving. I didnt know which came first but I just wanted to eat!!!!

As I was driving home, I realised why. Its probably because my TOM is just around the corner.. 7 days to be exact. I havent been sleeping well too. Thats the only reason I could think of as I was deviation free since the 40th day. :'(

Day 45: NOT Deviation free

Day 33-34: Weightloss: Men vs. Females :D

Im back in the game folks. I have totally cleared that deviation out of my system and all the havoc that TOM brought with it. Its quite fascinating actually, how are bodies change during our cycle.

 

I had a an argument about this with my bf. Well, he started it!!

 

He said that women always claim that guys lose weight faster than women and he argues that its not because of the gender, its because women succumb more to our cravings easier than they do. We cant also say that its because of the level of activity because there are men who are also sedentary. Its just the will of the person and that we (women), always blame it on hormones!

 

And I lost it :D jeezus. I explained to him that because there is a certain time of the month when our cravings are more/higher to the point of unreasonable. For the rest of the months we are good, we can beat the cravings, but there is that 1 week wherein it is much more tougher for us to resist our cravings. Its like our body needs it, right?

 

I cant explain to him that our bodies undergo stress during that PMS period or TOM, Im not a doctor, but I think our strong cravings or hunger then is a result of this stress. The body wants comfort through food. Still he kept on arguing and then I said:

 

"NO PERIOD. NO OPINION. SO YOU SHUSH!" "You cannot understand because you don't have to endure that every single month!"

 

Then he shut up. hahaha.. Its like being kicked in the nuts, we don't know how painful it is because we don't have them.. same as giving birth, they don't know, and they never will.

 

In other news, I recorded my weight loss on my online CD account and Im going to do my blood test tomorrow. Yikes.. lets see what they will say about that.

 

Day 33-34: deviation free.

Mood = tired and sleepy, but Im ok

Hunger = only when I watch Chopped! :D

Day 27: This is getting ridiculous!

Hold on, this is really getting into my nerves. I woke up today and boom up 600gms?!??! what the fuck?! If its my freaking period, holy mother of whatnot why this torture>!>!!?!?!??!?!?!?

 

I woke up with the resolve that Im going to get to the bottom of this today. What the hell am I doing wrong!?!? Im just not breaking past 73kgs and its almost 2 weeks since my cheat day! 

Been going over it and maybe these are the reasons (?) aside from the cheat day on day 15:

 

1. Meal timings: 5 hour gaps kept but eating late (past 9)

 

2. Food scale: could it be? Seems like its working fine to me. How can I check it?

 

3. Weighing scale: I thought something was wrong with my scale, but I've proven that it is perfectly working (discussed below - taking proper measurements)

 

4. Coffee grounds: I got mine from Spain in May from a coffee shop (per the gram) in Las Rambla. could it?

 

5. Fruits: I'm eating one fruit under allowance, could it be? but fruits are optional right?

 

6. Water: am I drinking enough water? I don't really notice anymore

 

7. TOM: or my period is just putting everything out of whack?!?!?

 

7. Stress: at work, really? I have been under worse stress before. Maybe my body is undergoing stress during the PMS and TOM plus changes at work. I haven't been sleeping well the past few days.

 

So now.. RINSE and REPEAT!

 

1. Pre-cook a few day's meals - this time around, I cook my meals per day in the morning. Maybe the rush cooking stresses me out? Or makes me overlook some things in food measurements?

 

2. Having my crackers one at a time - maximum allowed at one go is 2 crackers which I do now per meal. It satisfies me, but maybe it doesn't work?

 

3. Eat all my allowances - hmmmm...

 

4. Eat my dinner at 9pm max - which means I have to eat my lunch and breakfast on time as well to keep the 5hour gap

 

5. Reduce stress, improve sleep - make time for YOGA (again). 

 

6. Take proper measurements - since I was doubtful of my weighing scale this morning, I decided to go for a Body Composition Analysis test this morning. So I woke up, didn't take any water or any food so I can do this right. I went there at 9am and I got my results.. WAAAAAHHHHH! My scale is right, I was hoping that it was giving me a wrong figure hahahaha..

 

7. Coffee - stick with the brand I know

 

8. Mix up portions - I just stick to the same servings and same proteins and carbs.. Maybe my body needs a change

 

So now that I have that report, I know where I stand now. I've really let my fitness go. How do I know that based on a piece of paper? I will discuss in a separate post, I'm going to take my body measurements again tomorrow (as detailed as I have been, if you want to have an idea, check my post here). This is still not as detailed as I have it, will do it on my next post.

 

Whew, so there, I've let my obsessive whatever run through.

 

Today was just ok, I am on time and on plan. A bit rushing through the day, but I'm good.

 

Maybe I should stop stressing about this.. :D

 

Day 27: deviation free, all allowances taken, vitamins too, more water today

Mood = ok. a bit stressed out with this scale thing

Hunger = none

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 24: Hormones..

Hormones. Flying hormones. Hormones everywhere!

Jeez. Woke up today feeling like meh. I didn't sleep well, kept tossing and turning. The scale moved up big time (I looked even though I said I wouldn't, so bite me.). Woke up with mild lower tummy pain that did not go throughout the day. I look like I haven't lost anything. Just... argh!

 

Im snappy, i cannot eat my sweets or anything else thats not on the plan.

#beastmode

Arrrghhh and thats all i can say about that.

Day 24: deviation free. All fruits taken. Vits too

Mood= dont mess with me today

Hunger=none. But cravings..yes!

Day 20: Intuition

Before I start with this topic, I just want to add that yesterday, somebody gave me a miniature tart. As you can see its so pretty (but not as tasty according to my bf :D) and I really really wanted to eat it in the office yesterday but I did not give in and brought it home.

I just hungry all day yesterday. I think my PMS has started coz I felt lower tummy pain just by sitting. Woke up this morning with the heaviest body ever! My joints hurt and I just feel like being pulled to the ground. I didn't want to get up, but I did, I still had to cook my meals. Since I was feeling so lazy, I sat outside, got some sunshine and decided to cook my lunch and have a yogurt and fruit for breakfast. I just couldn't be bothered.

Before leaving, I said I cant feel so down today, I don't want this feeling! Im doing so good at work and this really wouldn't help me. On the way to office, I listened to a discussion about Living an Intuitive Life by Sonia Choquette. It was insightful.

Some key takeaways:

1. Intuition is not mystical - its not your oohh e.s.p.-looking-into-the-future thing. Its listening to your gut, your heart.

2. To apply this at work, keep yourself informed  -learn, be on the look out on what's going on, do not work just merely to get by, understand the people around you without judging - because in the end, based on what you know or gather, you will tell yourself the answers you need based on the collective data that you have stored.

3. I really liked the part that said -> when you set goals, make sure your goals will benefit at least 2 people, as this opens yourself up to your intuition. That you are just not self-serving.

4. We all are vibrating with energy, and whatever you vibrate you attract - Ive been reading and hearing about this a lot, which I find to be true.

It was a lot of information on single drive, maybe I will write more in detail the next time. But I've resonated with most of the discussion. I feel like I have been out of touch with my intuition for so long. 

I wish I could have written about it in a way that is good but I guess is one of those days when you just feel "blah". I tried everything, I had my coffee, listen to some inspirational discussion, and listened to upbeat music.

Im still hungry, but not like the previous days.

Day 20: deviation free, 1 fruit under allowance, vits taken
Mood = meh
Hunger = manageable; but craving!

Day 49 & 50: Sun baking

Day 49

I love pre-summers!!! Just went loca and went to the beach with friends at 7am armed with a tanning oil (hello ms. hawaiian tropic :D) and left around 10:30. The water was sooooo nice, and the beach was not packed yet. I am now slowly transitioning from pale to bronze.. i love it!!

After the beach, we went for some mani-pedi. It was a total girly day. After the salon, went to shop for food, and at 5pm, I slept and slept and slept.. hehehe I thought I was at least going to measure my proteins but I could not bring myself out of the couch. Considered not having dinner but  decided against it..

All meals taken on time, 2 DCs today, no multivitamins though (i forgot!), and had 1 huge mango. I was just so craving for it. :/

Day 50

I wanted to go to the beach but my house needs some cleaning! I felt too tired to clean. Found every excuse not to. Throughout the day I managed to do my whole laundry needs, fold the heap of clean clothes that had fallen on the floor (the mountain of clothes on the chair had collapsed with the height :D ) change my sheets, put up curtains, cook 3 days worth of meals, sanitize and clean the kitchen, changed my cat's litter for the week, mop the living room and sweep the whole house. This is superficial cleaning, as I havent dusted the living room and cleaned the bathroom.

Burlesque was showing on cable and watched it til end, so I ended up sleeping at 12:30mn. :/ Cant say the movie was worth it.

TOM hasnt arrived yet, but I am feeling the cramps.. what's going on?

All meals and vitamins taken on time, 2 DCs today.

Day 49 & 50, DV free.

Day 44 & 45: One of Them Days

"..that a girl goes through... dont take it personal.." :D

PMS surely kicking in.. Day 44 was ok, nothing much to report. I did hatha yoga with a colleague in the evening then went to watch an movie outdoors.. all meals taken on time.

Day 45 is totally different story.

I was feeling quite sluggish today. The usual slump when Im close to my periods, I am feeling tired as if I have been moving around and its just 10am! I am craving too, despite the morning multi-vitamin. I feel hungry right after the meal + cracker.

I had to let my foster cat go today. I love him to bits, but he doesnt let me sleep! I have isolated him in the kitchen as he had just recovered from the flu plus my cat doesnt get along with him yet.. When I am in the kitchen with him, he is so sweet, loving and purring non-stop. But as soon as I step out, its a crying madness!! for hours! And its been 3 wks like this, so I told the lady who rescued him of my situation and she offered to board him.. I feel so bad.. coz a) the lady will have to spend for boarding and 2) I will miss that naughty little bugger.. BUT I do need proper sleep too.. :'(



one of them coffee person..

Black coffee is my saviour. I normally take my coffee black anyway even before pre-cohen, with an occassional dash of milk and sugar when I feel like it.  Black coffee gives me the energy boost that I need, everytime. Its my version of Redbull..

So I sipped my coffee, silently, waiting for the energy rush to come.. Otherwise I just wanted to go home and rest or do nothing. The coffee did its job :) and everything seems bright and shiny after that :D

I had expressed my interest to be considered for a position that will open in one of the departments from our group of companies..  feedback was positive.. need to get cracking on adjusting my CV.

By noon I received feedback from the clinic about my 2nd blood test results. Feedback was good: 

Please be advised that Dr. Cohen was satisfied with your blood test results and instructed that you continue with your program.

Kindly let us know if you have any questions. 

Regards,

The Consultants Team

 Please note: No additional blood test is required, unless we specifically request it.

Im happy! ^_^

Picked up a friend from the airport. Im glad to have him back in the country with a new job!

Went home early and cooked my 4days meals.

Day 44 & 45, DV free..

Day 7 & 8: Weekend

Ellen's selfie that crashed Twitter :D

Day 7

Just home bumming around. I didnt do anything productive today. Feeling very lazy. First I had to wake up early to breakfast despite the 5hr sleep. Which is ok coz I slept again after 2 hrs. I decided to ditch the birthday party I was supposed to go to because I feel like I will succumb to food. I seriously miss the taste of junk food.

I should have kept myself busy. Normally, I would have ordered all the junk I can consume on a Friday....

I cleaned my house in the evening. Could have done it in the morning but I dont want to spend day time cleaning, since I didnt go out, I just watched the Oscars. Didnt go for yoga either. Its 1 wk before TOM, maybe thats why I was feeling anti social.

-----------------------------

Day 8:

I weighed this morning, and after 7days I lost 3.2kgs! Awesome right?? I know this is most probably water weight, but still it is a loss in weight. I do feel lighter due to the clean eating. I hope this keeps on going and reach at least a 10kg loss by end of Marh..

I had quite a few things to accomplish today. Had to go to the bank at the city center, went back to the other side of town to renew my annual rent contract, then drove 50kms to meet a friend for a mani-pedi, shopped for groceries, weighed and cooked my next meals, went for yoga in the evening, and met friends afterwards headed out for a nice 5km(!) stroll. The weather was just so pleasant, we didnt notice the time.

So this day was jam packed and awesome!  My day indoors yesterday was not so bad then, at least I was able to relax and do my chores. Today was a full day, ending at 1 am.

I found myself reaching for more DCs for the past 2 days in my attempt to curb my cravings.. PMSing I guess... I feel more and more tempted to reach for those chocos and chips... :/ whew.. i mean this is it.. this is the hurdle I was waiting for. I mentioned that I crossed my first few days with minor difficulty. By now I should be over those cravings, but Im not.

I did deviate today, but unitentionally. I had an extra cracker for dinner. I totally forgot that the chicken meal I prepared in advance, was 'crackered' in my attempt for breaded chicken breast. i only realized after I finished my meal.

If I werent on Cohen's, I would think, this is crazy, how can 1 cracker be such a no-no?? Eh..

I have failed so many times in losing weight and I told my mom this time that I am dieting. She didnt even bat an eyelash. I know she must be thinking "here she goes again".. I felt that she really doesnt believe that I can  and will do this, eventhough I told her about my weightloss so far. Maybe I have kept disappointing her that she stopped believing. She didnt say anything negative, she just said "good, I really hope you keep it up this time" :/ Made me more determined to show her and the rest of them that I can succeed!