You may frown on it, diss it, call me stupid, but somehow, I tried to make the 2 binge days a positive by trying to learn from it.I classify these 2 days as learning from my own mistakes.. first hand..
Ive been reading it on the other diaries and I did take heed and followed them to the T. 61 days of being deviation free.. But I always believe that each person NEEDS to make their own mistakes and learn from them. Telling them really doesnt cut it. The lesson is learned but not ingrained.
None of these non-CD foods were offered to me nor did they serve as temptations around me that I have given in to. I have intentionally chosen each of these food to deviate from the program.
So here goes..
Day 63: Unplanned Experiment Day
Findings:
1) Provita Wholewheat Crispbreads --- brings on an uncontrollable binge desire.. --> try again to prove whether or not it brings the binge desire out (it tastes better than Ryvita!)
2) Chocolates - capacity has reduced --> Good but needs to improve, find a way to eliminate OR find a fail-safe way of slowly eliminating from system
Despite sleeping at 5am, I woke up at 12, prepared my breakfast and ate by 12:30, with the intention of putting my Provita Whole Wheat Crispbread indulgence away forever! I brought my foster cat to the lady who brings him for adoption days and came back home and chilled..
3pm: feeling hungry.. ate 2 crispbreads
3:30: still feeling hungry.. control.. focus, you can eat a fruit after an hour
4pm: had 1 peach..
4:30: antsy.. I want those crispbreads and mayo sooooo bad.. watched tv..
5PM: cooked my lunch.. nibbled on 1 crispbread.
5:30: Had my lunch.. went back to the kitchen, picked the whole pack and mayo.. and started dunking these crispbreads and hogged from here..
6pm: Satisfied and full..
7pm: feeling curious... what would I feel if I eat chocolates the way I did--> 3 kinder bueno bars (3 x 4sticks= 12 sticks) in one sitting..
Honestly people, I could have not had ordered this.. I've been pretty honest with my entries and I was ok at this point to forgo this..
But as my username suggests, Risque... I wanted to see how I will react to this.. What will happen to me? I know its counter intuitive, but whatever..lets see..
Ordered the kinder buenos, and ate them in one sitting. By the time I was done with the 8sticks.. I was feeling stuffed already.. my throat had started to ache a bit.. BUT I still ate the last four..
8pm: observing what I was feeling after the choco binge:
1) throat a bit hurting.. tongue too
2) queasy
3) but ok..
9:30pm: I ordered the following salty junk:
1 cheetos cheese BIG pack
1 original pringles SMALL
1 kitkat 4 fingers
1 diet coke
I FINISHED ALL OF THESE while watching 3 episodes of Greys Anatomy.. what I felt:
- dizzy
- stomach cramps
- gassy
No dinner, was too stuffed. I slept at 3am.. I couldnt sleep with the tummy full..
Day 63, not DV free..
--------------
Day 64: Come as it may Experiment Day
Woke up: +1kg
The experiment continues..
Findings:
1) Provita Wholewheat Crispbreads --- definitely brings on an uncontrollable binge desire.. --> AVOID!! switch back to ryvita and finn crisp
2) Stomach food capacity had shrunk ---Although I can still eat the way I used too, I know the point on when I should stop.---> Good
3) Chocolate appetite --- not the same. the chocolates dont bring in that 'orgasmic' satisfaction, from any type of chocolate ---> Great. Do not even think of starting to develop the gusto for it after refeed..
4) Self control --- good but still dodgy--> better reign it in NOW
09am: CD breakfast
10am: shopping-- well initially for groceries but ended up shopping for bra's, shoes and clothes.. there goes my money for my new TV!! :D
2pm: 1 peach
2:30pm: 2 Provita Whole Wheat Crispbreads, prepared my CD lunch, had my lunch by 3
3:30pm: was feeling hungry, had 1 mango
4:00pm: antsy, I want those crispbreads so bad!!
4:30pm: found myself dunking those crispbreads into that mayo..half the pack.. done!
5:00pm: found myself eating the rest of the pack and dunking it into greek yogurt
6:00pm: self loathing, went to the small grocery down my building, to buy corriander leaves, but ended up buying these as well:
- kitkat 4 fingers - dark
- kitkat 4 fingers - orig
- cadbury hazelnut
- kinder bueno bar
- snickers bar
- qanta almond ice cream stick x 2
06-09pm: BINGE galore.. I am not proud.. I was so stuffed.. started with the 2 ice cream sticks and
I had a bite of each one.. and eventualy finished everything except the kinder bueno. I really couldnt.
10pm: cooked my meals for the next 2 days..
10:30pm: ordered Nando's peri peri chicken (1/2 chicken) +1 portuguese bread roll
11:30pm: ate my chicken with gusto in front of the TV while watching Eat.. Pray.. Love..
I felt sick and full that I slept at 3am..
Why did I do this? All CD veterans will not agree with me on this. I will admit, I gave in to the temptation. But I SERIOUSLY could have said NO and stop myself. Seriously, I could.
My kung-fu is strong :P
Not all of you will believe that one, I do doubt it too, a bit. But at that moment when I was buying those goodies, I did hesitate, I did put it down. But I thought, this is my chance to fully see what this mistake will bring me. Call it a controlled experiment.. but that what was going on inside my head.
NOW LETS PUT THIS ALL BEHIND. I AM DONE.
Day 64, not DV free..
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