Feeling Alone

The day started good.. I was in an upbeat mood but by noon time, I felt the energy and the good vibes going. By 1pm I was feeling quite low.. really low..and I know why.. Its one of them single ladies thoughts..


"Thing to remember is if we're all alone,
then we're all together in that too"

I never had a problem with being single, I actually am comfortable being single.. Im not the type who needs constant companionship or assurance.. I can be with a group of couples and be fine with it.

When my friends read this post, they would be surprised that Im having such thoughts. Im so good at being single hehehe...

Its just that there are times when you miss being loved and cared for by a significant other. Someone to make you smile randomly in a day. Someone who shares your woes and fears.. That exclusivity feeling, that its just you and him.. Most of all, I miss actually loving someone and that someone is not one of my friends but someone special and dear to me only..

How come Im still single? I dont think Im ugly, I have a sense of humor, I am articulate, friendly, and I am no longer fat.. I am active.. going outside with friends, doing activities, and def not hibernating.. Then how come?I havent had a date for as long as I can remember?? Is it because Im old (33)? Is it because I am Asian and I wouldn take crap from anyone??

I never had problems with dates before.. I seriously feel that the sincerity of dating here has flown out the window..

Thing is, in this country, racism is very prevalent, especially with the Asian nationalities.. Im not generalizing but most people here see us as either after the passport of the "white" people or just for a "good" time esp with the Arabs. Well I really cannot blame them, there would have been a basis for that ey? But its not fair. So I myself am careful or biased towards Arab nationals.. and the "white" people I know, I find them too conceited (im not after your fucking passport!shove that passport up your ass!!) and the ones I see act like they're god's gift to women. And oh, by the way most of them feel like gods as this country favors them like anything.. such as being given a way bigger salary being as compared to their Asian counterparts..

I dont want to sound like this, but sometimes it is really too much. Like people here dont really see you as for who you are but just for a good lay or for the color of your skin or your hair. It is really depressing.

And whats more, in my 2 years of singlehood, no one had even bothered to get to know me better..

Maybe i just have a huge "fuck off" sign on my forehead. OR maybe im just not likeable...

Is it really so hard to find someone geniunely interested in me? OR someone decent? What happened to good old fashioned dating??

And as usual, the good ones are already taken.

Im done with this pity crap..

I'll be single if that's the way it is. I seriously refuse to be treated like an item.. like a commodity.. like someone without worth..

no.. thank you very much..