Day 62: My First Deliberate Deviation

I've carried on this low and sad feeling throughout the day and even in the evening. To top it off I was so hungry the whole day!! Why am I so hungry?? All the time??  I finished my cracker allowance even before it was time to go home. Before reaching home, i had 1 fruit. I was so hungry at some points in the day that I felt almost dizzy... and very low in energy..

I reached home, slept it off, thinking that everything seems better upon waking.. But its not.. and Im hungry! So i thought, Im going to have the extra 5 crackers and a fruit recommended by my consultant when such things happen..

I opened a packet of whole wheat povita. And it tasted  sooooooo much better than the ryvita's and finn crisp..not to mention easier to measure.. How could I have missed this in the supermarket???

I started to prepare and cook my dinner and by the time I finished I had 3 crackers.. and by the time I finished my dinner, I've had 6... and was feeling quite full.. and I didnt stop there.. I took the low fat mayo, and started dipping the crackers there.. :( I think I finished about 20 crackers on top of my daily allowance..

And I felt so full and nauseous. I want to puke it out, poop it out.. something!! I felt my tummy bloated.. So I sat down and wrote this.. what had just happened???

I have actually deviated.. with a Cohen approved food.. and I felt this bad already? What more if I deviated with a non CD friendly food???

I got up, got ready as it was th weekend here. I was meeting a friend for shisha, and I was still feeling so so so low..  by the time I stepped out the house, the queasiness is gone.. that was quick

We went to the shisha place and he ordered a carbonara pasta.. and he offered me.. I love carbonara and he knew I would have it. I said no.. although Ireally wanted a taste. He said, "Dont eat, just taste it.." hmm makes sense..

But I was having this internal debate:

" I already deviated, why not just have a bite or 2 and start over tomorow? Makes sense"

Then another part of me said " No. You already have deviated. Keep the deviation minimal as deviating with a CD approved food. Dont go all out blowing it by having that pasta!!"

And I didnt, I just had my DC and my shisha..

But I dont know whats wrong with me today. I reached home at 2, found myself reachin for those provitas, too my fat free Philadelphia cheese  and ate 10 crackers more.. followed by a fruit... Shame on me!!

Stomach bloated..

What I realized about deviations? If it happens, then it happens, but we all must need to know WHEN to CUT our LOSSES, and stop the deviation from being a full blown disaster... cut the losses short its tracks.. and move on.. You dont have to fully fall off the bus.

But what happened to me was, I was about to fall off, caught the rails and hanging on the moving bus, and chose to stay on hanging on that rail instead of trying to fully climb back on..

Shame..

Im just crossing my fingers that by having this "cheat" I would have given my leptin a boost for tomorrow. I will have to go for a walk or something

All meals intact, vitamins, crackers, fruits and 2 DCs taken today.

Day 62, not DV free..