Day 70 & 71: Self Sabotage Weekend

All that righteous talk, phewft! out the window...

No experiment, just giving in to old habits. And its not like there something emotional that happened. No, its just me being lazy, slacking off, taking a break, or whatever it is you want to call it. I was just lazy.

Me to me: "you arrogant $^%&^*&8!! "

These two days were full of deviations all brought about by boredome, laziness, and just pure slacking off..

I have given away my stock of Provita's as it does bring out the binge. It always starts with this.

Day 70: Cracker Doom

Since I ate only crackers yesterday evening, I didnt feel so hungry when I woke up this morning. I ate Meal 2 for breakfast.. and found myself eating Provita's for the rest of the day, topped off with Liver Spread from Germany + DC.

By the time I hit the beach with a friend, I felt so bloated, it hurt to even lie on my tummy to tan my back..

Bring in the birthday celebration.

Since I didnt cook today, I ate at my friend's party that I hosted. I tried a few of this and that, not really hogged (in my opinion), but didnt choose the type of food either, had a few:

- 5 forkfulls of the bavarian pork salad
- 3 spoonfulls of that pork knuckle
- 2 spoonfulls of smoked salmon
- 3 spoonfulls of baked potato with sour cream

It was the Maifest ey!  so pork, pork pork all around!
Im guessing what I ate is a normal sized plate, almost full..

But what killed me is the desserts. I had my own:

- 2scoops of vanilla ice cream+ strawberries + vanilla cream+ topped whipped cream+ with a dash of alcohol (i think its white wine?)

- 1 slice of that strawberry cheesecake

Both were so good, I didnt even feel sorry about it. I didnt touch any alcohol..

The night was fun though, almost whole night of dancing and singing with the band. We partied for 4 hours. The birthday celebrant got so drunk :D I had 20 guests for her birthday and all had a wonderful time.

Im good with events I reckon? :D

Went home, had a laxative tea, and slept.

Day 71: Heights of Laziness

Woke up at 12noon: +1kg

Slept, ate crackers, slept, ate crackers, slept. Didnt go to the grocery to shop, didnt cook. Was able to do 1 load of laundry (yay me! Not!).

I didnt feel like eating anything else. TV on the whole day. I ordered by 2pm:

- 2 Quanta Almond on stick

By 05pm:

- 2 Quanta Almond on stick
- 1 kitkat 4 fingers
- 1 cheetos cheese -big

By 08pm:

- I finished 1 pack of Provita I opened in the morning with the liver spread.

And thats that. I didnt eat anything substantial today.

I was supposed to go meet colleagues at the Maifest tent, but I couldnt get myself off the couch

I just slept througout the day.

This is an old weekend behaviour habit..

Day 70 & 71: Burnnnnn, NOT DV free, NOT in CD..

Day 19: Its My Birthday!!

Alright.. I had to brace myself, for non stop greetings and invitations to eat cakes and sweets..

First my sweet friends brought over some nice choco mousse cake which I didnt eat..

Second, another colleague of mine has the same birthdate and she bought doughnuts!

But I survived this day, DV free!!! I seriously cant believe it, but I conquered this day! (conquered.. big word :D)

I gave myself a treat by eating 1 full thai mango for dinner (included in allowance), which a monk convinced me to buy from the supermarket :D I couldnt believe I saw a monk in the supermarket (?) I was reaching for Australian mangoes, choosing, then he said, buy Thailand mangoes.. very goood.. And I said "yes ofcourse!" I actually didnt notice them as they were very few.. And boy, where they expensive!! :D

My colleagues bought me lovely flowers coz they knew I wont eat anything else :D

Whooo!! one more day to go.. Tomorrow is the official celebration of my birthday at a friends house, dinner and drinks.. but I will stay on plan.

In the afternoon though, I felt a 'crash'.. I dont know why but after 4, I felt sleepy and hungry.. I waited til 4:45 to eat my crispbreads bec I was so hungry.. and after eating that I still felt hungry. I usually feel ok after Ive eaten my crispbreads or fruit, but this time it wasnt the case. I was very sleepy that I wanted nothing to do but go home and sleep. Why?

I also have a dillemma with people wanting to try my food. Im not selfish but I dont think they understand how less my food is, and every single gram counts.. I dont even offer them my food, because I may end up with almost nothing. It happened twice today, for breakfast, my friend had a small bite of my egg omellete and at lunch, a colleague wanted to try the tilapia fillet. Hardly 5 grams of food taken from me.. but still...

I have to prepare my BokChoy dish for them so I rushed from work to buy the bokchoy and the tilapia fillets, and cooked our food for tomorrow.. Of course, I will still stay within my food allowance..

I may be DV free today, I seriously wanted to have my birthday treats! I wanted to treat myself. But I keep reminding myself of my deadline and on how important it is to meet. I just kept telling myself:

- its just 2 months of the CD and I will reach my goal weight
- another 15 or so days for my refeed, and
- 15 days to start playing with your maintenance..

After this 3months, I can afford to be less strict with food choices...More forgiving.. But until then.... I have to practice the art of self control..