Day 60: Feeling Rundown

Its probably because I didnt have proper sleep and the 'calm before the storm' with regards to my workload had officially passed today,I was feeling very tired, sleepy and moody. On top of that, Im craving :'(

they had to keep this? they could have
just let it go with the caterers!

Plus there were a lot of leftover sweets from yesterday's party. I was just feeling like I am being punished for not having any of those. Such as these ice cream scoops in the freezer. I havent had the chance to take a pic of the bottom part of the fridge, as despite being full, the desserts were out by 10:30am..

Im feeling so so so so bad for myself.. I know there is no reason why. Its not as if its the end of the world.

So in an attempt to pump myself up, I searched for old photos. The photos at my heaviest. I was so big then.. Huge..

Didnt work.

Im just chalking this up from being sleepless..

Cooked my 3 days worth of meals yesterday evening. Ate my meals on time today. Had my vitamins, crackers and 1 DC. I ate four peach/nectarines though. I just couldnt help myself. I was feeling so low and they tasted so good..

Guess the chromium is not working? :(

Day 60, DV free..

Day 59: Observations

lol :D

I've been hearing these a lot lately:


"Dont lose more, you are going to dissappear!" -- :D

"You look tired, you should eat" -- Im looking tired right? why should I eat? maybe you could say I should sleep or rest?

"The charm in your face had gone" -- more than twice! ufff!

"Dont lose so much weight, if you become super thin, its not a good look as well. Your face has become too thin.. or about to." -- I agree with this, but at the back of my mind I am not yet at goal weight..

I dont mind hearing them, its just that its difficult to explain why I am still on my diet. No one, who has not been on CD will understand the importance of reaching goal weight.

I have noticed these too:

1) I cannot walk as fast as I used to and as fast or upbeat when I used to climb the stairs. I feel like my bum is heavy and my legs wont move the way they used to as I walk up the stairs, and its just 2 flights! I can usually zoom through it. I have strong, muscled legs so I know Im good at stair climbing and speed walking (despite being overweight before)

2) feeling some lower back pain.. I thought this was due to yoga, but I havent been to yoga for a week and its still there. I went for a massage 2 days ago, hoping it will go away but its still there.. some lingering pain, not dying pain but this uncomfortable pain..

3) Sleep has become even shorter. I dont sleep early, somehow I cant manage to. But for the past 3 days, I've been waking up at between 530-630am! I dont know if its my cat, coz she meows to open the balcony door in the morning, but thats usually around 7-ish..

4) Hungrier. I mean, I get hungry quite quickly after meals. Also, in the morning, from the time I wake up and when I reach the office (before my 1st meal), I find myself saying, "I am sooo hungry" sometimes to myself, or out loud. I bought my chromium capsules to help with this.. I hope it works.. its been 3 days..

On the positive side:

1) NONE, as in NONE of my work clothes fit- trousers, dresses, blouses. I really have to buy office pants at least.. I am not looking forward to it, coz the 1 pair I bought 3wks ago, is no longer fitting well..

2) my skinny jeans is no longer skinny

3) my normal jeans, look like boyfriend pants on me now :D

4) being in a bikini is alright.. have some loose skin in my tummy area.. but its ok.. it just looks like im someone who needs to tone up.. stretch marks had made themselves visible on my hips and breasts though :'( I bought Bio Oil and try if it will work on them..

I dont know what's really going on or what is going to happen, and I have 2days (last month had 31days) more until my 8wk weigh in. So lets see..

All meals taken &vitamins on time, 1DC, crackers and fruits in between.

Day 59, DV free..

Day 58: PANIC MODE!!!

Didnt wake up well today. Somehow, despite the busy day yesterday, I couldnt sleep.

I am going to be super busy for the next 2months, with so many hosted events coming up- Maifest, Staff Day, Annual Gala Dinner, Conference Trip, Trip to France, Trip back home.

How to survive all these, DV free?!?!? Its time for solutions listing:

Staff Day followed by Staff dinner: 03May

4D Movies --- skip the popcorn, stick with DC- easy
Group dinner --- this is sticky, this is the last staff dinner we will have (our GM moving, team breaking to other departments), how can I not eat with them? - difficult

Maifest 2014 -- We are the host

Launch event: 30Apr
- skip the beers(!!)  - easy
- but how to skip all that German goodness?! all the pork!!!! - a bit difficult but can be done

Our hosted nights: 08-10May
- skip the beers - easy
- skip everything!!! - a bit difficult but can be done

Bestie's Birthday party on the 10th May
- skip the beers - easy
- skip the cake... - a bit difficult as the cheesecake I'm having made for her is my favorite..
- skip everything!!! :'( :'( - best case scenario

Conference in May - pack food for 4days-can be done, minibar is a fridge

14May
- skip the inflight food-- tricky  and possibly not good, because I fly at 1:20am, reach at 9:10am, conference starts at 10am, how can I last until lunch?? if pack my food, it will be on check-in luggage.
- eat packed lunch  -- tricky and most probably not possible as this is a networking event too :( i would look very odd..
- dinner: very tricky, all delegates will be taken out to dinner :(; a group dinner in a fine dining restaurant-- EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, how can I manage?

CRAAAPPPPP!!

15May
- skip everything (?) stick to DCs and coffee- tricky, but can be done, depends on the level of networking going on
- dinner with friends- possible only if my packed food is not yet spoiled
???????????

16May: Full day Wachau Valley Bike Tour  with Wine Tasting
- howwwww to skip all the good wine tasting?? -EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, how can I manage?
- eat packed food if its still good - hopefully still ok, if not????

17May
-eat packed food if its still not ruined  - hopefully still ok, if not????
- skip in flight meal (6hr flight)  - can be done, I will just sleep it off.. stick to DCs
- dinner at home by 10:30 - easy

Annual Agent Awards June;  - easy but tricky; I am host/emcee for this, so I can skip the dinner as best case scenario OR I could be so hungry due to all the standing and talking that I will be ravenous and just eat,. This is def the last agent awards for our company..

France and Home Trip: I thought I would be on refeed by this time (June) if I am still on the plan, I am screwed..

I am seriously panicking, that I will fall off the plan..

I should take this one day at a time..

*thud*

All meals & vitamins taken on time, 1DC, placed a tsp of turmeric on my chicken dish today which is something new.. Picked up my foster cat from the vet today..

Day 58, DV free.

Day 55, 56, 57: Weekend Roll

Nothing much to report with the diet, aside from the fact that I still am missing my TOM and that I am getting hungrier quite quickly after meals.

I bought chromium tablets so I hope that will work against the food cravings, hoping that my hunger is due to cravings and not real hunger.

I havent worked out at all this week!! I got a call from the gym to check why I havent been coming and they recommended to freeze my membership. I am thinking to do this from 15May-15June 2014

Day 55 was spent in the office and ended up watching Transcendence. Reached home around 12:30mn and was so hungry I ate another peach, technically the allowance is counted on Day 56..

Day 56, went to buy some groceries, measured my proteins and thats it. Was lazy in the morning. In the afternoon I went to my friend's house to spend time with her and her mom. In the evening we watched The Other Woman. It was hilarious! :D Had 2 fruits today, so I had 3 in total, counting the peach I ate at 12:30 early morning/midnight.

Im starting to be pretty annoyed that I cannot have popcorn and nachos!

Day 57, was volunteering day. It was a tiring 3 hours. After our shift, we ended up on our backs on the park's garden, enjoyed the breeze, and rested our backs. After an hour, we headed to the beach for some tanning. Spent a good 3.5hrs there.. got a good tan ofcourse. After this, I went for a massage. Reached home and cooked 2days worth of meals.

All meals taken on time, lots of DCs in between but within allowance, fruits, crackers and vitamins taken.

Day 55,56,57, DV free.

Day 54: Missing Madamme Period (TOM)

Ok, its been 10days delayed. I've read that TOM can go kaput on you once you are on CD coz of the sudden change in diet and hormones, but this quick? Ive only been 8weeks in the program. I have been feeling minor cramps for the past few days thought, but no sign of Madamme Period. :/



as much as i hate to admit it..

Albeit sleepless, I fixed myself to hide the late night I had yesterday. Put on good coverage for my under eye circles, fixed my hair neatly on a high ponytail, wore a chic all-black ensemble with pointy heels! and reached work on time. While everyone in the office were showing signs of not having a good hrs of sleep, I was looking "fresh" :D

I was in an upbeat mood too :) coz the pair of cigarette pants I was wearing was a bit loose on me already and I bought them 2wks ago! Feels good.. :)

I emailed my consultant yesterday coz I am having several issues that I need to answers to:

1) I am getting hungry pretty quickly after my meals. Most specially at night. Answers were:

"...dont have cheese and yogurt meals because its the least filling "

I answered back that I only have cheese and yogurt once a week and received this reply

"Please can you add an additional chromium supplement. Please avoid exercising at the moment. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling."

I am taking 2 multi-vitamins per day already, so decided not reply back to this one.

"...make sure Vit B6 intake is not more than 5mg"

Ok, I am always below this..

...do not exercise for now 

I havent gone for yoga for about a week now..

...if you feel too hungry and shaky please ADD to your daily program one fruit and 5 crackers for the next 10 days

When I read this, I was like wow! 1 more fruit and 5 more crackers!! Excellent! However, I have no intentions of doing this, just as a last resort. I didnt even ask if these will have an effect on weightloss coz I have no intention to try.

2) Missing Madamme Period

.. Weight changes (weight gain or weight loss) might temporarily affect the menstrual cycle; however, if the menstrual cycle is not normalized (after the re-feeding) we would suggest a gynecological checkup.

Too vague, but what to do?

3) Checked if Nabisco crackers were accepted to the program as I have read in the forum that these were delish

Saltine Crackers ? Nabisco are the most popular in the USA and the best part is that you can have two crackers for every one in your allowance.

Which btw I havent seen anywhere here.

4) Asked if they have a referral program as 2 of my friends had signed up because of me and 2 more are waiting if for feedback from them

We try to keep our costs as low as possible and therefore we do not have a referral program/promotion but we hope that it will encourage you even more to work hard and keep up the good work now that your friends are also eating healthy.

Yah right :/

I am also in the midst of experimenting with meals switching having meal 1 as the last one. here is what I observed:

After day 1 weigh in:

Meal 3 - > Meal 2 -> Meal 1- > crackers and fruits in between - >2 DCs: 200mg drop

After day 2 weigh in:  did not have meal 1 as the last meal but the 1st meal

Meal 1 - > Meal 3 -> Meal 2- > crackers and fruits in between - > 3 DCs: no movement

After day 3 weigh in: 1 fruit is a peach

Meal 2 - > Meal 3 -> Meal 1- > crackers and 1 fruit in between - > 3 DCs: 400mg drop

After day 4 weigh in: 1 fruit is a peach and 1 big mango

Meal 2 - > Meal 3 -> Meal 1- > crackers and 2.5 fruits in between - > 1 DC: 200mg drop

After day 5 weigh in: 1 fruit is a peach and 1 big mango

Meal 2 - > Meal 3 -> Meal 1- > crackers and 2.5 fruits in between - > 1 DCs: 200mg drop

With what I am seeing, the meal switching works and for me, just having 1 fruit a day instead of 2 makes me lose more than having 2 fruits a day. DCs and crackers doesnt seem to have an effect. I can try cutting back on crackers but I really dont want to, because they mix well with coffee or a DC :D and are easy to carry. The crackers really help me get to my next meal esp. when I am not busy.

Will continue on this experiment until month end.

I went home early today and just decided to relax at home = sat on the couch and watch tv, slept a bit earlier than usual.

All meals intact, vitamins,crackers and fruits taken on time.

Day 54, DV free.

Day 53: Party!

I had to pace my meals and snacks today as I had a hectic late afternoon and evening. I still am on the switching of meals so that means my lightest meal will be in the evening.

BF: meal 2
Snack: cracker + DC
L: meal 3
S: 2 crackers
S: 1 peach
D: meal 1 + 2 crackers

Our office had a joint agent party tonight at Hard Rock Cafe which lasted until 12mn. We had to set up around 5 and I left the venue at 12:30mn as we had to pack up our collaterals. I reached home by 1am! Slept at 1:30.. So much for the HGH boost eh?

I had fun. Good music and fun crowd.

The fried canapes smelled delicious! mini burgers, deep fried mozarella cheese, calamari and other tidbits.. whew..

But I stuck to the plan by having my dinner and 2 DCs and water throughout the night. Didnt touch a single food, didnt drink a single alcohol. I didnt even have my 2nd fruit allowance. I was feeling a bit hungry around 12mn but I decided not to have the fruit.

Day 53, DV free

Day 52: Deprived

Is it just me?

I do feel good, look good, healthier, closer to my rebuild phase and to achieving my ideal body, light and in a better mood and all, but I do feel deprived of the delicious food. The food that I used to enjoy so much..

I sometimes resent being on this diet. That's how much deprivation I am feeling.

Then right after the resentment, I hear myself saying:

"well.. you brought this upon yourself"

... if you havent let yourself go and hogged all those junk like there's no tomorrow, there wouldnt be a need to do something this drastic..

... if you have just learned the word: moderation, then maybe you will still be having those treats every now and then and wont let you balloon up to a 100kg

"what right do you have to complain and feel deprived then? you have hogged a lifetime's worth of chocolates and junk!"

Tough love shit..

Switched my meals today, Meal 2 for breakfast, meal 3 for lunch and meal 1 for dinner. I hope this will have a positive effect on my weightloss. Forgot my 2nd vitamin today, had 1 DC and all my crackers, pear and mango for my fruit allowance.. Cooked my next 3 days worth of meals.. eventhough not in the mood for it..

Day 52, DV free

Day 51: Happy Easter!

Weighed in and after 10 days, I lost 1.4kg.. This is sooooo slow.. :(

Caught up with the diaries on the forum.. Im glad :)



Commit.. #tanning :p

Im on half day off today due to easter. So went to church then to the beach :) some more tanning.. After sunset, I went to meet my friend and hubby and her mom who's visiting for a month. Its been 5 years since I last saw her.
I thought today will be the day I'll deviate for dinner. I was expecting her mom to make me eat (which she did) and ofcourse I would not be able to refuse incessantly. Good thing is, my friend set her straight not to force me.. whew.. crisis averted..


Im such in a good mood today. Probably because I found an easter bunny chocolate on my desk hihihi..

I will be going on duty trip on 14-15May and 16-17May will be on personal. I will finally get to try the SWISS business class product (I've already tried ours and LH too) so Im really looking forward to it. But I dont think I will be on refeed during this time. My losses are going at a snail's pace. I asked the airline if I can take packed food on my hand carry, which I cant. But they told me that they have a low sodium option meals. It is going to be more than 6hours flight, landing at 9:20am and the conference starts at 10am! SO I will not take a checked-in luggage as I will have to rush to the conference, I need ensure that I can eat something close to a Cohen friendly meal onboard and make it to lunch. I am a bit nervous as to how I can manage these 4days.

Had all my meals and vitamins on time, 3 DCs (oh my!), 1 fruit and crackers taken..

Day 51, DV free.

All in His Perfect Time

Its easter today and I decided to go to church given that  Christians were allowed to take the half day off.  After mass, I planned to go to the beach. I dont remember when was the last time I went to church, let alone to confession. But today was something different.

I really wanted to go to mass. I thought maybe Im just excited about the fact that I am going to spend some beach time, but no. I really did want to go. I left earlier than what was allowed as I want to find parking soon enough. I parked on the opposite side of the church so I dont risk getting stuck in traffic and being late for the service. This meant I have to walk a bit with all my stuff, even my meals, its too hot to leave it inside the car, it might get spoiled.

I reached the church, sat in peace in quiet. How lovely it is to be inside and feel this peace. The church was full but not overflowing. I made it on time and I felt happy.
 

The service started, by the time they sang "Christ have Mercy", I was almost in tears. Why havent I been going to Church???? I have been so enormously blessed my entire life and I couldnt even go to offer heartfelt praise and thanks?!

I think this is the first time in my life that I actually felt what going to mass is all about. I did not feel sleepy, nor tired, or bored. I seriously enjoyed it. I listened to the gospel with an open and clear mind and I did actually understood what the priest was talking about. I lip sang the songs coz I dont know them, but I wanted to. I didnt care if I was off tune. I wanted to give praise to God.
 

It is not an obligation to go to church. It is a desire. A desire to give thanks and praise.
 

It is just 1 hour of my week. WHY havent I been going?! I've been holding off my tears throughout the service. If I was able to make Sunday, my non-negotiable gym day, why not a non-negotiable day for God, and only for Him.
 

I have so much to be thankful for.
 

I have so much to ask for forgiveness for.
 

I owe Him so much of my good life and whatever and wherever it is right now.
 

For the offertory part, I was contemplating in the beginning how much to give. But during the mass I thought, what was there to think about? I have never practiced tithing. So I just took whatever was in my wallet and gave whole heartedly . It does felt good to give.
 

I didnt take communion though as I havent gone for confession yet.
 

I walked back to my car, in a state of solemn. I immediately called my friend, because I know he would understand what I was feeling. He is a muslim, not a perfect one but he does have this desire to be close to Allah through prayer.

I told him what I felt, and all the tears have streamed down. He said cry, cry for God. When you go to Him, he will come to you more than you deserved Him.
 

I was just so happy that I went to church. I am not a perfect Christian. But now I really do believe that when a person is ready, he will know why. Why it is so important to give praise and glory to God. I never went to Church because I always felt obliged. But not this time.
 

When you are ready, your heart will receive..
 

All in His Perfect Time.
 

Happy Easter everyone. :)

Day 49 & 50: Sun baking

Day 49

I love pre-summers!!! Just went loca and went to the beach with friends at 7am armed with a tanning oil (hello ms. hawaiian tropic :D) and left around 10:30. The water was sooooo nice, and the beach was not packed yet. I am now slowly transitioning from pale to bronze.. i love it!!

After the beach, we went for some mani-pedi. It was a total girly day. After the salon, went to shop for food, and at 5pm, I slept and slept and slept.. hehehe I thought I was at least going to measure my proteins but I could not bring myself out of the couch. Considered not having dinner but  decided against it..

All meals taken on time, 2 DCs today, no multivitamins though (i forgot!), and had 1 huge mango. I was just so craving for it. :/

Day 50

I wanted to go to the beach but my house needs some cleaning! I felt too tired to clean. Found every excuse not to. Throughout the day I managed to do my whole laundry needs, fold the heap of clean clothes that had fallen on the floor (the mountain of clothes on the chair had collapsed with the height :D ) change my sheets, put up curtains, cook 3 days worth of meals, sanitize and clean the kitchen, changed my cat's litter for the week, mop the living room and sweep the whole house. This is superficial cleaning, as I havent dusted the living room and cleaned the bathroom.

Burlesque was showing on cable and watched it til end, so I ended up sleeping at 12:30mn. :/ Cant say the movie was worth it.

TOM hasnt arrived yet, but I am feeling the cramps.. what's going on?

All meals and vitamins taken on time, 2 DCs today.

Day 49 & 50, DV free.

Day 46,47, 48: Cruising Along

These 3 days have been normal. Im feeling period pain/cramps but period hasnt come yet. :/ Was expecting it 2 days ago... hmmmm

I am craving big time! I so want to devour all the chocolates in my drawer! So cruising along, but not without difficulty!

Went for karting with colleagues on Day 46.. I was pretty good. Im just next in rank to the people who are experienced karters (top 6) Im on 7th and we are 17 people! :)

All meals intact, ate dinner at almost 11pm! :( Had a nectarine with it.

Day 47 is another normal day. Didnt do much work, well pretending to work was tough enough. I just wasnt in the mood. I guess its a formed habit of cramming?! Thats why I keep things for the last minute.

I am reading up on the Zone materials I have downloaded.

Didnt do yoga today, went to shop instead. I just wanted beige office shoes as mine were about to breakdown, and I ended up with two short-shorts (just for 10 AED! wawawaw!) for the summer & 1 denim jumpsuit (all a size smaller), beige office shoes, 1 pair of black loafers, and 1 green bikini.. oh yes, I can wear a bikini now :D ... Im not as firm or tight/cut as I want myself to be but yah, Im ok. Planning to hit the beach on Friday at 7-10am with work colleagues, with a mission to tan, so i need a 2pc suit. 

I spend so much these days.. I should stop :(

Was feeling too tired today, after my dinner, I dozed off in front of the tv and woke up at 4am!

Meals, vitamins, crackers, fruits taken on time. I did eat a big whole mango. I was planning to eat just a cheek but I couldnt stop myself. I felt so hungry.. I had 2 DCs today.

Day 48 ohh.. counted the hours til the weekend. Kept shifting between reading "Mastering the Zone" and working, whilst syncing my tablet.

A friend of mine saw my pics yesterday and she just signed up for the program :D I hope she gets accepted.

I had a cheesy breakfast today: shredded veggies (cabbage, mushrooms, onion, capsicum) stir fried with a dollop of Philadelphia fat free cheese... served with the remaining cheese allowance and cubed green apple on the side.. yummy..

Ate my crackers in between til lunch. I had my egg omelette with 2 crackers for lunch, chugged DC throughout the afternoon. Had dinner around 8pm with crackers and had 1 fruit around 10.

Went for power yoga after work. Almost ditched it coz I was feeling lazy. Im glad I didnt, it felt good to sweat! Later in the evening, I went for a movie with a fried and we ran late. So i went ahead to buy tickets and popcorn! My gawd! The smell of popcorn just within reach.. :/

Its just another day.

Day 46, 47, 48 - DV free!

Day 44 & 45: One of Them Days

"..that a girl goes through... dont take it personal.." :D

PMS surely kicking in.. Day 44 was ok, nothing much to report. I did hatha yoga with a colleague in the evening then went to watch an movie outdoors.. all meals taken on time.

Day 45 is totally different story.

I was feeling quite sluggish today. The usual slump when Im close to my periods, I am feeling tired as if I have been moving around and its just 10am! I am craving too, despite the morning multi-vitamin. I feel hungry right after the meal + cracker.

I had to let my foster cat go today. I love him to bits, but he doesnt let me sleep! I have isolated him in the kitchen as he had just recovered from the flu plus my cat doesnt get along with him yet.. When I am in the kitchen with him, he is so sweet, loving and purring non-stop. But as soon as I step out, its a crying madness!! for hours! And its been 3 wks like this, so I told the lady who rescued him of my situation and she offered to board him.. I feel so bad.. coz a) the lady will have to spend for boarding and 2) I will miss that naughty little bugger.. BUT I do need proper sleep too.. :'(



one of them coffee person..

Black coffee is my saviour. I normally take my coffee black anyway even before pre-cohen, with an occassional dash of milk and sugar when I feel like it.  Black coffee gives me the energy boost that I need, everytime. Its my version of Redbull..

So I sipped my coffee, silently, waiting for the energy rush to come.. Otherwise I just wanted to go home and rest or do nothing. The coffee did its job :) and everything seems bright and shiny after that :D

I had expressed my interest to be considered for a position that will open in one of the departments from our group of companies..  feedback was positive.. need to get cracking on adjusting my CV.

By noon I received feedback from the clinic about my 2nd blood test results. Feedback was good: 

Please be advised that Dr. Cohen was satisfied with your blood test results and instructed that you continue with your program.

Kindly let us know if you have any questions. 

Regards,

The Consultants Team

 Please note: No additional blood test is required, unless we specifically request it.

Im happy! ^_^

Picked up a friend from the airport. Im glad to have him back in the country with a new job!

Went home early and cooked my 4days meals.

Day 44 & 45, DV free..

Day 41, 42, 43: Pre- Summer is Here!!

Weekends do come in a roll eh? :D and really too short..

Pre-summer is the best time to go out, enjoy the beach and work out that lovely tan, as when summer hits, we are looking at a 55degree weather :-O

Day 41-43: DV free!



Day 41

Weighed in this morning after 10days, and I lost 1.3kgs

Weight loss is slowing down. But size wise, I think Im still going down. So thats ok..

Im feeling sick today but I braved it through. Didnt take any medicines, and went home early, then slept and slept and slept

I decided to cook tomorrow morning.

All meals intact. Had a mango smoothie for breakfast. All meals, vitamins taken on time. 1 DC for today.

Day 42

The reason why I slept so much yesterday was to prepare myself for today!! :))

My friend and I did some volunteer work at a cat shelter in the morning. The shelter houses 200 cats and we did a proper cleaning of everything in one of the cat rooms. It was tiring but it was expected. Went home for a while to have lunch and rest then hit the beach at 4pm.

We wanted to inquire how much it would it cost us for surfing lessons, got the info and hit the beach for some late afternoon tanning. Figured sun is safer at this time.

After the beach we went to my friends apartment for dinner, to shower, change and get ready for a hawaiian themed party. It was so much fun! We had a free drink, played limbo rock, the bar was playing some good tunes, it wasnt so crowded, and we got our own goodie bags! :))

I love this day!

All meals intact and taken on time. Just had a DC at the bar and water the rest of the evening..

Day 43

THOSE MASALA SHRIMPS.. made..me.. crumble.. almost..

Okay, today is another beach day. But I started the day at 10 as I slept around 3 am. Had breakfast, went to shop for some staple make-up and then groceries (finally found a low fat cottage cheese!!). Reached home weighed my proteins and veggies for 2 days, and headed down to the beach.

Tanning +  beach volley = tired and hungry.

So all of us headed down to the local outdoor joint of fresh seafood. There is nothing posh about this place, but you can find all tourists and locals of different nationalities, waiting in line outside for more than 1hour for food. There are only 2 dishes- fish (hammour, pomfrit and sherry) & shrimps with curry sauce serving on the side, served with koboos or parathas and salads.

Waiting to order for almost an hour, they got their food 30mins later. They ordered 1.2kgs masala, deep fried shrimps which are my favorite. I was literally holding off all the drool forming in my mouth!!!!

Being a good girl, I ate my beef cauli rice + apple, while they ate all those delicious, deep fried, SPICY, food..

What to do eh?

Reached home, cooked my next 2 days meals, crashed.

Day 40: Out with the Old, In with the Very Old

Its been 40 days! waw cant believe its been that long that Ive been eating clean.

Today is the same ate all my meals on time, ate my fruits and crackers, vitamins, and had 2 DC's today.

I received a surprise in the mail today. Im still tight with my friends from Uni days despite being away for about 6 years now, just an occassional 2wk vacations back at home per year. So, every year, she collects these starbucks drink stamps to earn their very nice Starbucks Planner and for 3 years, she has been collecting for both of us.And I received my planner yesterday!! Im so happy. Ive been collecting these since 2004 :D Although late, I am still glad I have it.. And she included a nice note for my birthday

Got invited by Hyatt Regency for a site inspection which usually ends in a nice dinner in one of their restaurants. I just told the guy I am fasting because of lent (food fast) but Im ok for some coffee and water. Imagine his shock :D most people accept invitations from hotels (and that too a 5 star) for the sumptuous lunch /dinner offered .. We did end up having a great 2 hour conversation though. I just had to tell him I had to go coz it was 9 (and I dont want to miss my dinner!)

Upon reaching home, I decided to dig out ALL the old clothes I have in storage. The ones I brought with me when I moved here in 2008. EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE FIT ME NOW and some are totally lose/baggy that I have to place it either for donation or for repair.

Just wowed at it. I suddenly have "new" clothes to wear.

Now I just have a run through my closet on what I can remove so I can place the old clothes back in.

PMS is kicking in though, feeling a bit rundown quickly..throat is a little scratchy too. I just got my electric cigarette. I dont smoke cigarettes, but I do smoke shisha. I like flavors that it comes in, and I had the 6mg nicotine ones.. I had just a few puffs and my throat became scratchy and I felt parched.. But I still like them. Its my Shisha in A Pocket

All is good. I am looking forward to busy weekend! :)

Day 40, DV free.

Day 39: No Sweat

Yep. I think I got this now.. The Cohen diet part. Its all good here..I feel like I can go on with this eating habit as a part of my daily grind. I've gotten a hang of it already.. which is good..

Honestly, despite the smaller portions and no starch thing (rice or bread), I do not feel hungry. What I do feel is that I miss the taste of the bad foods, but I am not hungry. The program is really designed to keep you full until your next meal, placing an option for snacks in between.

And as I am 10kgs away from goal, the time with which it will take to reach.. well Im giving it a maximum of 2 months as my losses are realllllyyyy slllllooooowwww nowadays.. I've started to distract myself and at the same time to prepare myself by looking at what's ahead of me.

I've read a few of the maintainance diaries because I want to brace myself. I've read, seen and heard that people are having difficulties in maintaining and then getting back on plan to lose what was gained. The freedom and the options for bad food are too much to handle.

In earlier days in the program, the most pressing issues were:

a) to keep cooking Cohen friendly
b) say no to deviations
c) keep cooking and eating on plan

But what was looming at the back of my mind is how will I deal after refeed. I mean, HOW?

----> I know when I taste that chocolate, I would want to have the whole pack OR TWO :-O

----> Or when we order KFC, I would say I would eat a 1 pc chicken only, but what actually comes to mind is 2 pcs and a cup of rice.

----> How will I handle the daily temptations in the office?!?!

Whats so different now and the future? Why can I not do the same thing that I am doing now?

Well in the future, in maintenance land, I would be in my ideal weight, so the pressure to lose is not there. Its a comfortable place I reckon. Im sure I will be in such a happy place that it is easy to give in every now and then. Reward myself.

Comfortable could equal to Complacent.

It can all snowball from there.

I need to know what to do by that time. To start with:

First, I honestly think that 57kg is too skinny for me. I have determined my acceptable weight to be at 60-63kgs.

Second, my goal is to be lean. I will definitely need to eat more so I can train more. What do I mean by more? More healthy food (and more healthy food options in Zone), with a bit of outside food every now and then.

Third, I accept that I need to be very careful during the time when I am experimenting between food and exercise. I NEED to keep track of everything. Not overdo one thing that will compromise the other..

And I am giving myself 3 months after refeed to determine this, and fine tune it before the year ends.

I just need to read up, prepare and create the right mindset for maintainance with exercise. The rest will be handled there.

Im writting this now so I can remind myself from where I have started, where I have come from, and to keep me in check in the future.

----

All meals intact. Had a nectarine right after my beefy lunch, yummy and made me feel so full. Decided to back off balsamic vinegar for now. Vitamins taken. 1 DC today. In the evening, I went for power yoga (whew), collected my blood results, got to eat dinner at 9:45pm and I had half a mango.. delish!

I am not sweating at all though. When I workout, the maximum I get to is being misty.. Why?

Day 39, DV free.

Day 38: Adding Coal to the Fire

 health-bent.com

I am tensed up to my ears right now:

Weightloss:  Back to 68.1kg.. since Day 32, I had lost 700gms and then gained them all back as I weighed in this morning. Is it the lack of sleep? the stress? 10days before TOM. I dont know! All I know is that I am deviation free

Solution: ?

Incentive:  My Barcelona trip is not going to happen. Leave not approved.

Solution: Keep the France trip alone and move the dates.

Sleep: Not getting enough. My old habits are coming back. Plus, my cat wakes up so early and keeps on meowing, disrupting my sleep. If I shut her out of my room, she keeps crying.

Solution: Will earplugs save me?

Dark circles under my eyes becoming prominent. Everyone in the office and at the gym is saying so. I drink enough water

Solution: Sleep more and I need to find a good concealer

Work: Its going to pile up soon on me now.. Im a too lazy to do this. I should also be job hunting right now, which Im not doing.

Solution: STOP BEING COMPLACENT!!! WORK YOUR ASS OFF!

Overall Mood: I feel like I am PMSing, its just a wk before the expected TOM date.

Solution: Ride it through.. Sleep..

Whew.. in times like this, I try to find a solution for every problem. Only issue is if I will follow through this solution..

"Let it gooooo.. let it gooooo..." :D


Its time to add coal to the waning fire..
(so soon?? :D )

I decided to start reading up for the REBUILD phase of my plan. But, I found out that there will be a short MAITAINANCE part in this rebuild plan. Sort of breaking in to Rebuild.

In my earlier posts, I mentioned that I want to follow a Zone living. I read 2 of Dr. Barry Sears books when I was in the Uni and was convinced with this way of living. The Zone style of eating comprises of 30% protein, 40% carbs and 30% fat in each meal. What got me sold on this eating plan is this:

What is the Zone? Simply put, its the metabolic rate at which the body works at peak efficiency.

I downloaded all his books and will slowly determine my eating strategies after Refeed. As for the exercise part, I need to start slow and so I will go to the basics of weights training and some HIIT cardio, which I can get from my trainer. I already have Visual Impact for Women by Rusty Moore as a start off point.

All meals taken today on time. No DCs for me today so yay! Took my multivitamins and my hunger and cravings were under control. I tried nectarine today.. Yummy!!

Went to get my 2nd set of blood test done and went straight home to cook for the next 3days worth of meals. hit the sack by 11:30pm.

If my sweet cat wakes up at 6 and decides to wake me up, then I would have at least 6.5hours of sleep. Besides, there's Yogilates at 7am at the gym tomorrow.

Oh! 2 of my friends got accepted to the program, so double yay!!

Day 38, DV free.

Should I Just Give In?

Sorry but most of my post contains thoughts of deviating.. i keep saying that everyday is a battle inside my head.. a battle against my willpower to say no, against lethargy in preparing meals, against office treats, against slipping for the "reason"..

Everyday is a battle..

Should I just give in this one time and learn the lesson first hand? I havent deviated intentionally (yet) as I've read in posts in the forum that deviating is not worth the setback you are putting yourself into..


Really? As they say, today I may lose the battle but not the whole war...

Just one deliberate deviation.. that crispy chocolate espresso ice cream, those kinder bars, a whole tub of pringles salt, dahl fry, aloo paratha or those bonchon wings and garlic fried rice.. all in just one day.. like a cheat day...

Sigh.. I know this is all wishful thinking.. I will not let myself fail by giving in..

These two in my head:

Angel: Good girl!


Demon: Chicken shit! :D

Day 37: The Number 36

Woke up, gained 400gms. I know I said I wouldnt weigh myself daily but only after 10days, but couldnt help myself..

I almost deviated today, out of choice due to anger and frustration. I couldnt even begin to write it.. Its the fuckall of all news.. So I'd rather not get started and all the flying fucks and mother fuckers will trod on this entry..

Anyhow, I almost reached and took a handful of those Hershey's chocolate nuggets from my colleague who just came back from US and wanted to munch on each single one of them.. The chocolatey goodness..


But the only thing that stopped me is the number 36.

36 days of eating Cohen clean.

Do I just throw it all away? I know it will only add to the misery of the day. I know that at the first taste of that chocolate, I have disregarded my 36 days of hard work. No, not disregarded it BUT I would have set myself back 1 week- ON PURPOSE. Why would I do that?!

All meals taken on time. I forgot my multivitamins and note to self: never to forget again. As the hunger and cravings are evident without it. I had to stop myself from eating my crackers and my fruits, otherwise I will not have anything else except dinner in the evening..

Day 37, DV free.

Thats all. Thank you.

Day 34, 35, 36: All in a Roll

Nothing much happened and at the same time so much has happened that I had to combine these 3 days in one entry.

Day 34

Was bleh.. Went on to work, counting the hours until the weekend finally starts. Had the choice between yoga and sleep and I decided to go home early and sleep. But I didnt. What's up with that??

We went clubbing in the evening as we wanted to try this F Studio Club, which kinda sucked. I mean the music sucked. We were looking forward to some dancing but the music(which was good for lounging) did not fit our taste. So we went on to Boudior, and lo and behold, our hiphop rnb craving were satieted. We danced from 12:30 til 2:30 in our closed high-heeled shoes (some stupid requirement from F Club). I could barely make it back to the car.

All meals intact btw and had dinner by 9 and had an apple before the club. I just ordered a bottle of water :) yay me!

Day 35

Since I slept around 4am, I missed breakfast! yep thats right. I set my alarm for 9:30 and woke up at 12:30 in search of my phone. And for the life of me, I cant figure out how my phone unhooked itself from charging and found its way beside me on the other side of the bed :D

So I immediately emailed my consultant. Should I stick to the 3 meals but adjust my timings until 10pm? Or should I keep the 9PM last meal of the day (which means I will skip 1 meal). And the stickler of an answer was:

Thank you for your e-mail.

Please do not skip meals as this trains your body to store your food as fat.

Rather have your meals, 5 hours apart and wait at least 1 hour prior to going to bed after your last meal.

Please let us know if you have any further questions.

Sheesh.. So I had 3 meals today but moved the timings.  I slept by 12.

For lunch, I decided to have a cheese meal. I chopped up my veggies pretty finely (mushrooms + zucchini+cabbage+onions+capsicum), stir fried them and placed a spoon of Philadelphia fat free on top of it until it melted completely. Served it with green apples on top (cubed) and kept the rest of the cheese allowance on the side. It tasted good! I loved it..

Cheese- back on the list :D

I was a total vegetable today. I planned to:

- clean:  nah couldnt be bothered
- laundry: too lazy to get bum out of the couch
- shop for food:  i didnt want to change out of my old-as-rag clothes, make my face decent and comb my hair

Needless to say, I didnt do anything productive today, but ate all my meals

Day 36

Oh this day was hectic:

8am: 1 load in the wash > washed my cat's litter box > gave my cat a bath > given antibiotics to my foster cat and cleaned his litter box > cooked brekky > went out for groceries > weighed my proteins and some veggies and kept in fridge > cooked lunch & dinner > met friends at the beach for some beach volley > watched Sabotage > dinner> cooked 2 days worth of meals

And Im sure, by tomorrow I would have gained like another 200gms again. I am seeing a pattern that stress (in this sense) makes me gain.

I should learn this lesson and do something about it. Im being too lazy to divide up my day.. I dunno as stupid as that sounds..


Day 34-36, DV free

Day 33: Incentive

For all the hard work I've done for the past month, I decided to reward myself with a Samsung Note 10.1.. I know this is a tad too much but I figured it can be a birthday gift for myself as well. And now I am enjoying my Scribd and downloaded as much ebooks as I can :D

After completing refeed, I intend to reward myself again. Hopefully by that time I have raised the money to do this. I am going with my friends to France and visit Lyon, Dijon and finally get to go up the Eiffel Tower. I have been to Paris before and done ALL except for that tower, so Im going to check that out of my list.

The main reward though, is Barcelona, my friend and I will head there after Paris and spend a good 4 days.

Day 33 started out great and ended great as well.

I took my foster cat at 8am to the vet as he has been having the cat flu.. then the other lady who found him offered to take him to her place while I go to work and just collect him afterwards.

The vet is like a 10min drive to office so I arrived early.

Threw out the bouquet of flowers given on my birthday and took the flowers that are still good, placed them in a vase.. Looks nice on my table.

Had tried another brekky meal which again I did not check my plan, the yogurt meal does not have a veggie allowance. Stupid me. Another deviation to begin my week 5.. phewft! It was yummyyyyyy though..

We celebrated a colleague's 25th year in the company with a specially flown in fondant cake from Germany.

The day was relaxed (boss out of the country), ended early as I had to go for a meeting outside at 4pm.

All meals intact, all fruits, crackers, vitamins and water taken. No DC for today, so yay!

BF: Fage 0% Fat Greek Yogurt + 1 mango cheek + 70g cucumber +water +ice + 1 stick of stevia +vitamin --- despite deviating by 70g cucumber, this brekky was filling and delicious!!!! It actually made me feel guilty.
S: really black coffee
L: Chicken oregano stirfyr + mixed veggies + rest of the mango
S: decaf black
D: Garlic Tilapia with ginger and balsamic vinegar + mixed veggies
S: 1 cracker

Met friends for Shisha in the evening. Lovely time.. Lovely shisha.... :)

Day 33, NOT DV free.. I have got to read my program over and over again..

Day 32: Round Two

As happy as I am to have lost so much in a span of 31 days, I did set a deadline for myself, 20kgs in 2 months, and I fell 1.3kg short.  I need to do the best I could to meet this deadline:

March - off with the first 10kg

April - off with the next 10 kgs

May- 15 -18 days on refeed --> will be in a 4 day conference in Vienna.. soooo a bit worried abt this, if I am at least at the end of refeed, I would have somehow gotten the hang of it already

May to 1st week June- 15 or X days on maintenance--> I am travelling back home for 10days for a wedding, and being home, and meeting friends will entail a lot of mom's homecooked food and eating out. I should be able to handle this [somehow] well by then

June- should be carrying on well with maintenance

How to achieve this? After scouring through the newyouforum website, I will try these during this month:

1) switch meals around

2) strictly monitor water intake, play within 2-2.5L
3) fruits will be apples and oranges alone -- will be generous during TOM by having 2 mangoes
4) avoid DCs as much as possible, maximum 1 per day if I really need it.
5) strictly do Yoga, minimum twice a week.. NO WEIGHTS training.
6) if I decide to have cheese, I will have 2x in one month, on the 1st and 2nd wk.
7) sleep 7-8hrs-- >> Oh yes, the toughest one
8) Stop weighing myself daily. Will just weigh myself every 10 days
                                                        (IF I CAN CONTROL MYSELF :D)
                                             9) DO NOT STRESS!! --> thats why Im writting this now.. to de-stress..

I did try that Lemon drink in the morning.. And OMFG!!! sour!sour! sour! I think my tummy got a shock of acidity. I had half a lemon (with skin and all), 100ml of ACV, and water all blended together. I took it before brekky, and initially I was think of having half the lemon and the rest of ACV before lunch, but I seriously dont think I can stomach it. I will have it once a day this week and see if I can increase it next week.

Meals are cooked yesterday with some balsamic vinegar in one of the meals.. Lets see.

BF: Lemon AVC drink + Egg omellete + crackers + multivitamins
S: 1 cracker and just sipped my DC from 11:30 until it finished in the afternoon
L: Chicken veggie stirfy, with oregano.. yumm
S: Apple + DC
D: tilapia fillets with balsamic vinegar + stir fried veggies

Watched Divergent with some friends today. The popcorn smell is still intoxicating. I figured if I could have endured it 3 times and did not give in, why not now? So, I didnt have one, I had my apple, my dinner, and 2 crackers with me in the cinema, and ate the apple first before reaching the cinema, and had dinner and crackers before the movie ended. Just sipped DC throughout the movie.

Day 32, DV Free.

ROUND UP ->Week 1 to 4 & Results

I just want to scream-- boooyah!!! *with my fist up in the air* :D

I cant believe its been 4wks! It all went by so quickly and Im down 8.7Kgs! Victory Dance for me!! whoo hooo hooo!

Although I planned for 10kgs on the 1st month..

As per my body composition analyzer results, these are the most important parameters:

Fitness Parameters	28-Feb	1-Apr	Change
BMI (range: 18.5-25)	27.2	24.2	-3.0
Weight (range: 51-69.8 kg)	76.9	68.2	-8.7
Muscle Mass (22.9-28.3)	28.4	26.8	-1.6
Fat Control	-10.4	-5.2	-5.2
Waist to hip ratio (range: .75-.85)	0.93	0.89	-0.04
BMR (range: .1391-1618kcal)	1476	1417	-59.0
Clothes Size	12	8	2 sizes down

These are just the basics and the most important, but every fitness measurement as per this machine has improved significantly-- I am now within ALL NORMAL ranges (and in some exceeded by some points only)!!

My segmental lean and segmental fat are now ALL NORMAL, except for my segmental fat % in my midsection.

I highlighted 2 above as these 2 are not something im actually that happy about:

Muscle Mass has decreased by 1.6 kgs. Meaning, 1.6kg of my current weight loss actually came from my muscle mass.. hmmm not ideal

BMR: My initial range was 1746-2051 kcal, which means I can eat up to 2051 kcal per day. But now, my range is 1391-1618kcal per day, which means I can now only eat up to a max of 1681kcal per day. I know this is due to the low cal diet + significantly less exercise.

The only good thing is that the recommended for me to lose is just 59kcal less than what was recommended for me when I was seriously working out. :)
 

Total centimeters lost: 106.04 cms!!! But this is my whole body measurement, each body part taken into consideration. You can see all details  here

It is worth a look, trust me! The overall change is exciting!! My segmental fat/lean, the cms I lost per body part is yebah!!! Mini human wave for me.. whooo hooo hoo!

But if we are to look at the major ones, I lost a total of 46.3cms and 2 clothes sizes down:

Measurements (in cms)	28-Feb	1-Apr	Change
Bust	104	95.3	-8.7
Waist	90	87	-3.0
Hips	104.5	97	-7.5
Mid Tricep R	33	29.5	-3.5
Mid Tricep L	32	26.5	-5.5
Mid Thigh R	58.74	53.7	-5.0
Mid Thigh L	58.5	54.5	-4.0
Mid Calf R	41.3	36.7	-4.6
Mid Calf L	41.2	36.7	-4.5
Total Lost			-46.3

 

Other factors that are useful to note:

1) Skin: same, no dryness, I guess this is due to the 1tsp of Omega 3 Liquid that I am taking every morning (i've been taking this even before the program). Plus I average about 3L of water a day.

BUT, I am seeing some loose skin, it doesnt look so bad to me, but I seriously dont look "firm". I hope my skin catches up quickly..

2) Hair: Well Im not sure if I am losing more hair than normal, but what I have noticed is that my hair doesnt get so oily after 1 day, like before. I only noticed this on the 4th week when I didnt wash my hair for 3 days! :D I used to wash my hair everyday because it becomes oily looking, makes it look flatter and thinner than it is.

3) Nails: I dont see any difference

4) Mood:  Definitely improved. On the first 7 days, I noticed I really feel happy which I cannot explain. I was always in a good mood. I was actually thinking if there is something wrong with me. I also didnt feel the same amount of "dread and depression" prior to my periods. I did feel a bit low, but nothing compared to how I was before- bloated, irritable, mean, depressed, tired, and joints in some pain.. This is excellent for me!

5) Strength: Ah, I am weaker definitely. Weights training- not possible

6)  Energy: Ive been up and about and usually spent at the end of the day

What I have learned these past 4 weeks:

1) Patience: to shop for food, cook, pre-pack 1 weeks worth of meals

2) Discpline: to stick within what the program requires of me

3) Willpower: to say no to daily temptations

4) Perseverance: to keep up with the plan and to consciously tell myself not to deviate

5) Determination: to reach the end of my REDUCE phase by keeping in mind the first 4

6) Sleep does play a big role in weight loss-- so better get enough of it

As cheeky as those 5 were :D I really did discover that I CAN DO IT, if I set my mind to it and take accountability for it. I never thought I had this much discipline when it comes to food, because I grew up knowing that I dont have it.

I may not have reached my 10kg goal, but I am still over joyed with my overall results!! Cant wait to report to my consultant.

Happy ^_^