46th Day: 😑

Feel like shite today. Didnt bother to weigh myself in the morning. 

PMS symptoms on and rocking. Feeling tired, heavy and sleepy too. Hungry as well.

I also suspect that I'm not good with hummus.

It took some effort to be deviation free today, and lots of water and caffeine.

I want to sleeeeepppppzzzzzz....

Day 46: Deviation free.

45th Day: Craving & Hungry

Craving or feeling hungry quicker than the other days. Don't know why.

Last night, I had to really control myself in eating the nuts at home. I was so close to breaking but my reward showed up in the scales this morning :)

2 hours before my 2nd meal, I felt hungry. It didnt help that my colleague was having McDonald's french fries and the other one a McFlurry. Post the 2nd meal at 3:30PM, I felt the hungry strike after an hour..

What's going on? I was so tempted to give in.. There's a bunch of sweets from my colleague that's just sitting right in front of me for about 2 days now and I havent caved (yet). But I waaaannnnt!

Later in the afternoon, my friend from Netherlands messaged me that she wanted to meet up as she is flying back tomorrow morning. I havent seen the woman in 10years! But I didnt have my dinner with me. Even though I felt there is a huge possibility of me deviating, I still went to see her as i dont know when i will see her again. 

Least to say I caved and ate. Ate chicken kebab, hummus, salad, bread, and had a few teaspoons of muhalabiya. 

I was hungry and craving. I didnt know which came first but I just wanted to eat!!!!

As I was driving home, I realised why. Its probably because my TOM is just around the corner.. 7 days to be exact. I havent been sleeping well too. Thats the only reason I could think of as I was deviation free since the 40th day. :'(

Day 45: NOT Deviation free

44th Day: Eventful

What a tiring day!  I'm trying to sort my issues out and have hired a lawyer. I have a hearing again on the 26th and until then, everything will be as normal.

I've shed my weight gain as of this morning! Yay! Back to my weight prior to the incident last week. I hope the scale continues to go down.

Pretty tired but I'm thankful. I was also craving in the evening for nuts :/

Day 44: Deviation free

43rd Day: In With the Old

Wee bit of celebration!!!

Good news, I wore the biggest pair of slacks that I owned in 2005 today!!! The pants were intended to be worn as baggy/loose (wide legged and all) but I'm not complaining. IT fits! I cant wait for the other clothes to start fitting me!!!!

Other than that, I'm on plan and deviation free with the scale stuck on my gains. I sometimes want to kick that scale. Right now, I think I'm more concerned about buying another 3 mos of support from the online clinic than the weight loss itself. I shouldn't be spending USD 159!!!

A friend was visiting the country and I met her for dinner. I ate my packed meal and enjoyed the chat. It was good to see her.

Day 43: Deviation free. 

42nd Day: Choco Fear

Another week..

I informed my consultant about the 3 days I was off plan and asked if she has tips for me to recover my losses quicker (if there is such a thing). She just said to stick to the most filling meals and that the first 4 days will be hard..  😒

I can't help but feel that it is unfair! I was pushed in a situation that is really OUT OF MY CONTROL and now I'm suffering for it and will suffer for who knows how long.

I'm not updating my ticker and will only record my losses. 20 kgs to go.. goal weight seems so far away.

Good thing today is, a colleague noticed my weight loss.. thank God somebody noticed!!

I think I will break for several slabs of my
favorite chocolate brand - Läderach 💓💓💓

Reached home this evening and my bf was craving for chocolates. He took the liberty of being off his plan while I was away and I said "NO!". I was in fact afraid to let chocolates back inside the house. I seriously felt that once they are back, we're in for a downward spiral.

After reading as much as I could on the forum and on the wide web, I know that right now, I'm holding the floodgates really well, but if I slip.. I would be sorry for it..

I'm glad he listened. But my mind wandered off to my favorite chocolate brand Laederach. Gosh, I would love a piece of this.. This is the only chocolate that I didnt eat in 1 sitting. A small piece was enough to curb the craving. I bought around 40 CHF worth of chocos at that time. It was/is expensive, but it lasted me for 2 weeks, instead of 2 days!! 

Love... love.. love... :(

How do I get to the point that I can control my chocolate intake? That I dont end up eating a whole pack every single time? My mind just answered -- AWARENESS. I just need to be aware and sensible all the time. But, easier said than done huh?

Day 42: All meals, crackers, & vits taken on time. No fruits. 1 DC. Deviation free

41st Day: Back on Plan

After the situation I had the past 3 days, I am more than eager to just get back on the plan and not to think about how much more delay I'm going to face with regards to my weight loss. 

I got tempted to have an off day, like take this day as a cheat day and order in or just relax, but I didnt. Like a good girl, I cooked my meals, ate them on time, took my vitamins, crackers 1 DC but no fruits for today. I'm guessing I have some sugar overload from the paratha roll and pizza slices I had.

Did nothing much today but relaxed and slept. God knows I didnt sleep much at all during that time. 

Day 41: Deviation free

37th - 40th Day - 72 Hour Ordeal

Oh well. It was a crazy 72hrs and there was no way I could have been on plan fro Day 38-40.

It started on the evening of the 37th Day, went to the mall for movies with friends. Little did I know that the mall had started with the use of facial recognition cameras and I was taken by the CID as I have a case from one of the banks here. That night I had my dinner with me and crackers so plan wise I was fine. 

To cut things short, I was detained and was fed with whatever food they supply. I had no choice but to eat what they gave but i tried to eat as healthy as possible. Only ate the meat and not the bread or rice, cheese or yogurt if available. On the 39th day, I got transferred to another CID office in another Emirate and I only got to eat past 2pm and they gave me a paratha roll. I was so hungry I wolfed down the whole thing, dinner was pizza (can u imagine?) The night shift staff ordered pizza and they gave me some. I was torn between eating it and waiting for next days breakfast but i dont know if i will have it as I dont know whats next, so I ate. Day 40 was a lot of waiting and negotiating with the bank which didnt even want to meet halfway so I waited for a schedule with the court. Finally, i got an appointment on the 18th and got out by giving my passport until i finalise the fine that the court will give and pay it.

Reached home at 4am on Day 41. Woke up at 12noon and had my breakfast (so this means i will have my lunch at 5pm and dinner at 10pm). Weighed myself and I gained 700grams.

To be honest, I was calm throughout. I didnt get that gut wrenching feeling. I was surrounded by good people all the time and it was more of waiting around. I learned a lot as there are a lot of people being detained for financial reasons as the work economy is really bad or getting there. I just have one hurdle this tuesday.

Day 37 - Deviation free

Day 38 - 40 - Off plan

36th Day: Plateau Island

Woke up this morning and dammit, the scale still hasn't moved!!

I'm starting to get stressed about this, or I'm trying to control the stress this is causing me. I read my previous posts after the 1st month during my first try, and the pattern is basically the same. Lost a few grams, only to gain it back and settling on weigh in figure by Day 38 (2014). Thing is, I have more to lose now than before and I haven't exercised in years. So I'm kinda confused as to how this is going for me this time around.

I will only appreciate a plateau when I reach my goal weight, I eat as planned and not gain a single gram!!!

Day 36: Deviation free.

35th Day: Back at Work

Vacation mode over.

It's been  4 days and the scale hasnt moved down!!! Stuck at 80.4kg and its starting to get to me. Good thing is, my clothes are fitting better and I assume that by mid-June, my old clothes will start to fit albeit tightly.

The office slacks Im wearing today is fitting right, if not a bit loose. It used to be so tight that Im afraid I will rip it when I sit, so I havent been wearing it for some time :D This is just one of the many clothes I cant wait to wear --- I have a suitcase full of them!!!

I must soldier on.

Day 35: All meals, crackers, fruits and vits taken on time. Deviation free..

34th Day: A Parade of Sugar..

We went to the movies earlier. I was prepared with my packed food (lunch, crackers, fruit and DC) just in case I get tempted with the popcorn. The thing is, we had some time to kill and my BF decided to eat Frozen Yogurt prior to the movie. I love fro-yo's... :( It wasn't so hard to say no to it, but it sure would have been nice to have one. 

We had about an hour to kill before the movie, so we walked around and 30mins before the movie we waited outside the cinema. I observed kids carrying their own chocolate packets, teens with their slushies, families carrying boxes of krispy kreme's and others with their own popcorn, nachos, and soda's. It was basically a parade of sugar and everyone is enjoying it and scarily, oblivious to the fact that what they are having doesn't do the body any good.

Was I envious? Tempted? I honestly do recall the taste of each food and I know I would like the taste too, but I wasn't tempted. I was fine not having it. Why is it that during the programme and being 100% on it makes it so much easier not to eat the foods that you know are bad for you? I didn't have anything outside the plan and I was ok, I didn't crave and I didn't feel deprived.

My sense of smell has become better too, I can actually smell the nachos for a change and still I wasn't tempted. I was thinking: "I would love to have those nachos..." but when I start thinking about the cheese, I stop because at the of my mind I'm not sure if that is even real cheese! 

The cinema was packed and the smell of food was wafting left, right and centre. I can smell everything. Did not matter. I was satiated.

On other news, it's been 3 days and the scale hasn't moved!! It is starting to get to me. I'm still stuck at 80.4kgs. What could have I done?

- meal spacing (timing): ü

- cracker to cracker timing: ü

- 2-3L water intake: ü

- sleep: like the usual

Could it be the switch in Omega 3 supplement??? :(

Day 34: Meals, crackers, fruit and vits taken on time. 1 DC. Deviation free

33rd Day: Mangoes and Other Fruits

I've mentioned that i've cut out the fruits and the diet colas recently and observed that my losses were more than all the days that I had fruits. So 2 days ago (31st day) I ate 2 mangoes at different times in the afternoon. I observed that I did get hungry faster and I wasnt even planning on eating the 2nd mango, but 2.5hrs later, I did.

2 days later, the scale hasnt moved.

Maybe I shouldnt have had that 1st mango in 1 go.. maybe i should have eaten the 2nd one at all... maybe I should have taken my fruits earlier in the day... maybe stay away from mangoes at all!!!

I think, this has something to do with the sugar, I just cant explain it.

I have other fruits in the fridge that I will try from tomorrow (nectarines, oranges , apples). Im sick of apples though and it does make me hungry too.

Today was fine, still doing nothing at home but binge reading the forum, specifically on topics about refeed and maintenance. That site has a wealth of information that I cant believe I didnt make an effort to read before. Amazing.

Day 33: All meals, crackers and vit taken on time.  1 fruit. Deviation free. 

P.S.: I think I had the deviation dream last night but I cant remember it. All I remember was the feeling of  being out of control and spiralling with eating out-of-the- plan food.

31st Day

So I had my 30day weigh in today and Im pretty happy (read results here).

Aside from the plan related improvements, I have learned to forgive my boyfriend for cooking all the mf meals he has been eating on his diet. I mean T-bone steaks, pork ribs and bangers, pork belly??? I mean, would you look at these 2 dishes?!? 👿 

I reckon his diet is closer to Keto with Intermittent Fasting. He only eats once a day after his morning shift, so his body is in full fasted mode before he goes to work and eats just about time. 

I'm getting used to just smelling his food and not really wanting to take his plate. Today he made pork belly cubed up with some veggies and mushroom. Not bad.

As for me, I have been sleeping more since the break started. It feels good to get the right amount of sleep. I'm in bed by 11pm and my body wakes up at around 5am, but I don't get up (I know I should) and try to sleep in more. I promise I will do that tomorrow.. hmmm..

I had cut out the fruits and diet cola's for 2 days now and I noticed my losses have been more than the days I have them. Is it because I cut out these 2 or was it because I am sleeping better? I do miss my oranges and mangoes. But, as I have been listening to Dr. Berg as well, every time we eat, we spike insulin, even if we have coffee or just have our fruits for snacks. Plus, as I have been reading a lot of entries in the NewYouForum, especially on exercise, I found out that our muscles need sugar when we exercise and since I eat the fruits without exercise, I have sugar floating around and not really being utilized. So maybe next time, I will have the fruit before I expect some movement (like running errands, driving to work/walking to office or when I go out for a walk), or just take it when I feel hungry/peckish.

I'm also being mindful of my water intake as well, I try to make it to 3 liters per day. I 

My Omega 3 liquid supplement has run out so I got a new one. I didn't buy the one I was using coz it's bloody expensive! I have no doubt its good, but I need to economize. So bought another one from the same brand - Complete Omega (with Omega 3,6,9) that's twice the size. Let's see the effects.. if I'm not happy about it, will switch back to the Ultimate Omega.

Still on my break and relaxing. I'm thinking of going for a massage today or tomorrow. 

Day 31: All meals, crackers and vits taken on time. Deviation free.

ROUND UP 2.0: Week 1 - 4 Results

Hola peeps!

I've got some great news. After 30 days of being on the plan, I lost 8.6 kgs! That's just 100gms less than my 1st go I had with the program 5 years ago without exercise and with deviation (see Food Pushers entry), so I'm pretty happy about it.

Cue in.......

As for the scale that tells me my life 😛, I've seen some nice improvements too, most notably Body age and Visceral Fat have both gone down.

I haven't taken my body measurements when I started, probably because I never thought I could do it again after so many failed attempts. I wanted to do that this morning but I can't find our tape measure. I'm doing that tomorrow so I have better reporting next time ;). 

Observations:

1. Hair and Skin - both definitely looking much better. My hair looks healthier and my skin is not dry. I don't think my hair is falling out than the normal daily hair loss. 
   
   
   Aside from being on the plan, I'm taking a high dosage of liquid Omega 3s (Ultimate Omega by Nordic Naturals), it's quite pricey for a 4 oz bottle. I've switched to their Complete Omega which has a lower dosage of Omega 3 but has Omega 6 and 9 in the mix. It's cheaper and twice the size. So let's see..
   
   
   I'm also avoiding direct sun exposure because I get that a lot of that from Oct-Apr at work. 
   
   
2. BMs - way more regular before I got on the plan. I'm happy about this because I have poor BMs that I take a laxative tea at least once a week to get a good clear up. Nowadays it comes like clockwork in the morning. 
   
   
3. Exercise - I did NADA! On my first try, I was still pretty active and reduced my workouts to yoga at least 3 times a week. Now, all I did was walk for about an hour thrice? I just walked, because I'm feeling like a lazy bum from doing nothing. 
   
   
4. Oranges - I love them! :D I never really ate oranges by choice. Now, I have 1 every day (except for the past 2 days)
   
   
5. Sleep - I'm still struggling with this. Before the Eid break, I couldn't sleep early. But since the holiday started, I'm sleeping more. Was it because I cut the DC? Or maybe I'm not thinking about work so much? NO STRESS LIFESTYLE.
   
   
6. Mood - definitely better. I feel good. Same as the 1st time, I didn't feel the same amount of "dread and depression" prior to my periods. I felt the lethargy and the quick temper, but nothing compared to how I felt each month prior to it. I wasn't sickly as well.
   
   
7. Energy - I can't really gauge, because I haven't done anything that's extra. Overall, I just feel better
   
   
8. Allergies - For years, I've depended on a nasal spray to clear my nose up. My nose is clogged as I type this however, I feel that my use of the spray has lessened. I look forward to getting rid of this nasal spray for good. 

I'm not as strict on meal preparations like before. I don't prepare my meals for the week in advance anymore. I'm trying to establish the habit of cooking my food per day, as I believe that's how it's supposed to be, so the food is fresh.

The plan really works as long as you follow it. It is difficult at the beginning but once you get over the initial weeks, it is pretty easy to be on. On some days I'm craving, but I think its something to do with the timings of my fruit intake or I'm just missing the thought of eating "good" junk. 

But honestly, I'm not hungry and no longer craving. And it feels so damn good to be rid of that dependency on the stuff that's not good for me.

I look forward to the days ahead :)

30th Day: Relaxing

No, this is not me nor my bathroom. How I wish! :)

So I'm following through my plan of taking this break by relaxing in the comfort of our home. All of my friends are all travelling on their own, which I cant help but be jealous of. But hey, I have to make the most of it in any way that I can.

Yesterday, my body woke up before 5am! How about that? But I didnt get up (yikes). I chose to roll around the bed, my alarm going off at 06:30 and 07:30. I managed to get in some more sleep and got up at around 08:40-ish. Feel bad for bf, he had to go to work at 06:30....

Made breakfast, had coffee, did nothing. Listened to books and watched a few episodes of Friends for a good laugh. I havent laughed out loud in a while, so it felt good. 

BF came home from his morning shift and we watched the Alienist. He went for his afternoon/evening shift, I made my lunch and ate on time and prepared my DIY stuff which I have available at home.

1. Hair mask - fresh aloe vera + egg yolk + olive oil -> washed my hair off with sulphate-free shampoo and conditioned it really well. Leave on conditioner post bath.

2. Face scrub /mask - egg white + oats + honey -> toner + face oil

3. Foot scrub - whilst the hair and face mixture(s) processed, I gave myself a foot scrupband used Footlogix stuff which I bought some time ago. Their scrubber (?) is the best. So if you've got some thick ass dead skin on the soles of your foot, this is the best thing you can own for that (Im not paid whatsover to say this). Followed it up with the moisturizing mousse.

Watched more of Friends, laughed some more.

BF came home and we finished the Alienist. Had my dinner.

A totally relaxing day, not worrying about a thing. I kinda feel guilty though. Today I have more stuff to do and will squeeze in a bubble bath and a luxurious oil/salt body scrub at no cost. A friend gave me a relaxing body scrub with essential oils plus a body cream for Christmas that I have used only once. And another one has gifted me for our move-in day a year ago with a bubble bath plus bath salts that I used about twice. So I guess its time to utilize those. I'm lucky I have awesome products at home! 

Lovely.

Day 30: All meals, crackers and vits taken on time. Deviation free. 

29th Day: [Very] Long Weekend

Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends and readers :) 

I've got a few days left until my 30th day weigh in. Im targeting a 10kg loss which Im behind. I'm going to cut out the diet colas and fruits until my weigh-in day and make sure I have my last meal no later than 8PM. Im not sure if those will help, but I will try 💪💀. 

I've nothing planned during the Eid break (6 days!). I started to stress out on how I will fill those days in. I've got some errands to do but I'm cash low these days so I have to penny pinch. So I thought, I will have totally relaxing days at home, 

1. Wake up as my body does.
2. Have a cup of coffee on the balcony, enjoying the warm mornings.
3. Cook my meals when I feel like it (but on time, but no pressure to cook all of them in one go).
4. Eat on time
5. Clean up when I want to
6. Go for a walk when I feel like it
7. Do yoga if I fancy
8. Sleep well - sleep when I'm sleepy, read when Im not
9. Take my cat to the groomers - no particular day, just make sure its done.
10. Collect laundry - I received laundry vouchers worth $300! so I sent all the clothes I cant be bothered to iron plus everything that needs to be dry-cleaned and permanently creased.
11. Maybe go to the beach
12. Have an at-home spa - talking about DIY facials, hair masks, bubble baths, scrubs
13. Cat-sit
14. Read/listen to my books
15. Improve my knowledge on the job
16. Read diaries in the forum
17. Shop for groceries
18. Get the car serviced

Not going to stress about it, just do them if I can or if I want to. Since I'm in a good head space right now and I feel better overall, I want to continue destressing my mind and body. God knows my work during the Equestrian Season is crazy. Who thought organizing back to back polo tournaments (we've got 15 tournaments in the upcoming season) and show jumping competitions (around 15 SJ comps, maybe more) in a span of 8 months could be so hectic?! Mentally and physically draining, 6-days a week of working long hours.

So I'm using the summer season to relax, but still plan ahead, and this Eid break to basically indulge in the luxury of doing (almost) nothing.

Day 29 - all meals, crackers and vits taken on time. Deviation free

28th Day: Death in the family

My friend's mom died today. We were just talking about her yesterday as my friend was showing me their old pictures together and then today, she died peacefully in her sleep.

I cant imagine my mom passing away. I dont have a lot of fears but this is one of them. Being an expat in another country so far away from my folks is something I question my self from time "What am I doing here? My parents have a few more years left and I why I am spending it away from them." Easy to say to move back home, but Im scared to start all over again. Plus I actually dont feel like returning and settling back home for some reason... 

On the diet side, nothing to report, but I was just really hungry in the afternoon. Had my meal at 4pm, then hunger kicked in after an hour, had a full mango, then hungry again after an hour, so I had my diet cola..

Day 27: All meals, vitamins, fruits and crackers taken on time. Deviation free.

27th Day: Food Pushers!!

Ok, let me start out this post with -> 😣

Why cant people just take a NO for an answer?!?

Today I agreed to meet my friend at her friends house (who also knows me too and considers me a part of the tribe). She's 14 years senior to me so she's very motherly. She's into yoga and eats alright. Im not going to say she is fit nor thin but.. normal for her age and height i guess..

Arrived at her house, my friend knows im on a diet and she has learned to take a NO from me and she had told her friend that I am on a diet and wont eat any food from outside.

I know she tried not to offer me anything but I guess its a part of her that she likes to feed and entertain her guests.... ive been there several times and she is the most caring host. And under normal circumstances I will not refuse her. But yesterday, she tried to offer me some healthy stuff from india.. its called fox nuts(?) Its a nut that seems air popped? The moment she offered, my friend whispered "be polite" because she knew im going to say no. 

So I did indulge her with a handful. 😑 It actually tasted nice and tasted healthy too. I liked it.. and I didnt feel bad about eating that food. But after eating, i felt my tummy wanting more. I think I felt real hunger there. But i kept strong and quiet. 

My friend is on her TOM and having a terrible time and she is munching on some india sweets. She doesnt eat much.. and she offered me a bite and a screeched "!NO!" With my hand to her face...and she said "why are u only mean to me???" And i just answered "yes." :D and she left it at that. 

And then again this other friend offered me the same fox nuts but in a different form with a really thin jagaree coating.  I really did beg no and please. Several times and she wouldnt let up. I took one just to shut her up. Again she is right, it did taste good and healthy. I actually think both are good replacements for popcorn as a snack.

I wasnt annoyed at any point during the food pushing. Because I knew that its always been like this with her plus this is the 2nd time this year that ive been in her house. I've just never been in a situation wherein i had to say no to her.

Why must she put me in that situation? Is it because its her house? Why couldnt i just have thrown a hint of annoyance to maybe make her back off? Is it because she is elder to me? Or I found it sweet that she still tried to feed me with the "healthy" food she has around the house? Thinking of me, that since i am on a diet and she cant offer me a nice home cooked meal, she will try to give me something within the boundaries of what im trying to to?

I swear to God i wont visit her again until im way past maintenance. 😞

Then at around 10:30.. her son reached some and she started cooking him a meal.. dosa and some fish fry. Smelled heavenly. By 11, I gracefully left the house because Im afraid I wont be able to say no to that again.

Day 26, all meals, vitamins, crackers and fruits taken on time. NOT deviation free.