BDay 8-9: Easing in

BDay 8

So I failed to be DV free yesterday.

But, I honestly feel loads better today.. I feel like my face is less bloated.. My colds had somewhat turned down a notch, I feel lighter also.. Im stressing on the word 'feel' coz my tummy is protruding.. its depressing..

Anyway.. another day..

Reached home, ate 1 packet of provitas (!!) but CHOCOLATE AND JUNK FREE TODAY!! whooopeee!!

Ate CD breakfast and lunch, no dinner (fell asleep from 7pm), 2 DCs.

BDay 8, not DV free.



ohhhmm nommm nomm nommm

BDay 9
I am amazed on how sugar affects the body.. For the past weeks that I have been bingeing on chocolates (big time), each day/ next morning, I always felt bloated esp. my face., my overall mood is that of sad or off, I've had consistent colds, and my weight had shot up like anything.

But in just 2 days of reducing my sugar intake significantly (BDay 7- had 1 bar of chocolate, and BDay 8 - no chocolates at all), I felt totally different - the bloatedness [feeling] in my face is totally gone (not in my tummy though :( ), and I really felt loads better mood-wise..

Despite the odd sleep time I had yesterday (slept early, woke up at 12mn, couldnt sleep til 4am), I am upbeat and chirpy :D today and all I can think of is that from today onwards, I can do this.. I can do the CD clean path (Or so I thought)

Breakfast and lunch taken today.. lunch was late.. woke up late due to the Germany -  Brazil match.. BTW, what was that all about??? Brazil was humiliated in their own territority! yikes! 

Binged on Provitas again! :(

had 2 full pakistani mangoes.. yummmm

didnt have dinner.. fell asleep around 7.. woke up now (10:45) completed this entry bec I would.like to sleep.again...if I cook.. i will lose my sleep..

BDay 9, not DV free..

BDay 7: Scary Day

Why?

For the so many attempts of going back on plan, I usually give in on the 2nd day..  :/

Nothing special today, went to work, switching between working and reading on the forum.. Being active there really helps a lot in keeping yourself in check and more confident on being Cohen clean..

How did I feel today? I am detoxing.. Kinda hazy, having the sniffles, light headache, and craving like anything!

Bought myself some tilapia fillets, I havent had fish for some time.. My recipes are the same thing everyday.. I mean how can I spruce up my dishes when I AM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY HOT SPICES!!!! ( Im still not over this?!) so its basically salt and pepper for me.. no paprika.. no cayenne.. grrrrrr..

Oh, and I booked my car on the weekend. Im getting a red Nissan Juke S. The car will be available by 25th. I hated this car the first time I saw it, but in every occassion that I see it on the road, there were times that I really find it cute and then on the other times, ugly.. Im confused if I like the look of this car or not. :D and thats why I went for it. Weird huh?

Interior, its like the same as a Tiida or a Yaris, Ive read the VW Golf is bigger inside. I used to have a Dodge Charger, and I am a sucker for muscle cars, spacious ones at that. But due to Dubai not getting any cheaper and salary not getting any better, I had to find ways to economize. The time I had the Charger for 4 years, I mostly drove it alone, or with 1 passenger in the front, so I didnt really get to maximize the 'big car'. So Im ok with the cabin space of the Juke. If I will have taller passengers, maybe above 5'9", headroom might be a problem :D as the Juke is sloping towards the rear.

I actually liked the boot of this car, coz there is a covered space where in a 'tray' can be used for storage and can be lifted to reveal the spare wheel storage.. I got kinda excited with this hidden tray to be honest coz who doesnt like to hide their mess?? :D Im thinking my stock of shoes can now be hidden out of plain sight :D I do tend to pile up shoes in the car coz I dont wear them from my home - parking - home.. I park my car in a sandy area at home so wearing slippers is the best way for me..

 

I got a good Ramadan deal with Nissan too- 2yrs service contract or 30k kms, 5year warranty, free 1 year insurance, and 4months deferred payment if I take my loan from a certain bank..

 

Im still reading other reviews, and almost all of the reviews are torn between hating and loving the look of this car.. :D

 

I would have wanted to get the Juke Turbo basic.. I test drove that one and I loved it, but they said its not going to be availabe until Sept and that too not confirmed. And since im economizing, I am telling myself to be ok to go for the non-turbo one.. and maybe get the BHP adjusted to 139 (from 117). That may give me some kick.. some.. not a lot :D

 

Enough of the car talk..

 

I binged on Provitas in the evening + 1 chocolate bar.. well its an improvement.. at least I did not eat 8 chocolate bars today :/

 

All meals and vitamins taken on time.. All cracker and fruit allowance consumed.. 1 DC

 

BDay 7, DV not free!!

 

 

BDay 6: New Day

Its another day and felt optimistic during the day. I signed up for swimming classes and today was the 1st day.

I learned how to swim on my own but I want to properly learn how to do this so I can then sign up for surfing lessons.. :D Im not that confident that my swimming skills can save me on deep waters just yet..

The class today was pretty basic..

I froze my gym membership for 1 month. I guess I wont be needing it for now.. I just bought a pair of rollerblades and used them once as its sooooooooo hot right now even in the evenings.. [but Im still thinking of going one of these nights, maybe I can survive..)

Root canal is done.. whew.. way less painful process than my last one..

Period stopped, and it didnt really flow that much as before.. somehow I felt like the cravings are lesser (??)

Im not in a happy place right now as I have gained so much, I feel bloated, and totally out of control.. But still pushing through until I get this mf down!!

Im trying to figure out how can I make myself work the same way I did, have the same discipline I had. Somehow my old tactics are not working on me. I dont know if Im not giving myself enough tough love, or I am being too tough on myself and as an act of rebellion, I am bingeing. Does that make sense??

I am my worst enemy and my best ally..  and I need to choose which one to be...

If I think about it, when Im perfectly fine and not craving, its just food..its just chocolates..  I can surely resist this junk.. I mean I did.. why couldnt I do it now?

Easy.. today.. junk.. resist.. a DV free day..

Then during my craving periods.. the craving just overpowers the rationale..

noommm nommm.. call grocery.. fuck I feel bad about this.. call grocery for more junk.. boom.. a day not DV free

I despise myself right now..

All meals and vitamins taken on time. All crackers and fruit allowance eaten too.

BDay 6, DV free

BDay 3-5: Meh..

Not DV free

Not eating full CD..

Still bingeing..

Urgh..

Tomorrow is another day to try.. and hopefully bring you all some better news..

BDay 2: Ramblings of a Hungry Tummy

Root canal process started today.. :/

Oh and I got my period today! Well, some spotting.. My period stopped after the 1st month I was on plan..So maybe that explains the extreme choco cravings?? yikes.. and Im still craving btw, could be a part of detox but I so want a bag of Cheetos Cheese right now!!

Knowing that its just day 2, makes it easier for me to reason with myself to deviate.. That Im just undoing 1 day of hard work, I would feel less guilty, than give in 3 days later..

Jeez!

my other 2 friends back home also started deviating after 2 months.. this is really not easy..

cant stop thinking about those damn Cheetos!!! should I just opt for the lesser evil and buy me some Provita's to binge on?? oh the things that are going on inside my head!!!

I dont know how much more I can reason with my cravings..  and this is me with a slightly hurting tooth and a mild headache..

Its 2PM, and IM HUNGRRRRYYYY!!! WHY AM I SO HUNGRY?! (and so whiny? :D)

Ok come to think of it, everytime Im craving anything, it makes it all alright once I have the food.. the craving is satisfied, thus I feel better for it..

by 3:30.. I gave in to the cravings until evening.. :'(

dissapointed, but will not slink away.. I will admit to every single deviation until I whip myself back into shape.

Day 2, not DV free.

Daily Temptations List 2014

I decided to create this post because 5days into my program, I noticed my office had nothing but! junk food to offer us. So I guess, this has contributed to weight gain as well. I will keep on adding as the days go by..

These were all the sweets/junk food available to me during office hours. A rundown:

Day 1: Weekend/No work

Day 2: Birthday Cake in the office - 1 choco mousse and 1 cheesecake

Day 3: Milka chocolates for everyone

Day 4: Cookies, Muffins, sweet bread, chocolates outside the big meeting roomm

Day 5: Chocolates from Zurich being passed around

Day 6: Donuts in the pantry (forgot what it is for)

Day 7 & 8: Weekend / No work

Day 9: 2 sets of chocolate cake, sweets, sweet puffs, bread, German cold cuts, fruits- all provided by 1 colleague in celebration of Women's Day. Later on the in the afternoon, there is a cake again for my colleagues birthday.

Day 10: Danish Cookies and 4 doz of Krispy Kreme Donuts in the pantry - another birthday treat from a colleague. By lunch time, a bowl full of Chocolate Eclaires

Day 11: Caramel Popcorn, Baked Cheesecake from a colleague.

Day 12: None --- wow

Day 13: Cookies and muffins outside the meeting room-- i miss cookies!

Day 14 & 15: Weekend

Day 16: Birthday cake in the pantry

Day 17: Toblerone minis being given out by a colleague who just came back from training in Zurich.. ugh!

Day 18: Pakistani sweets.. I heard its the best.. ; Chocolate covered Danish Cookies just on the aisle table where everyone passes by and can just simply take a piece :/

Day 19: 1) Donuts in the pantry from the other birthday celebrant..
2) Chocolate mousse cake from me :D

Day 20: 1) Cookies during our meeting
2) Orange Cupcakes with cream cheese on top, baked my colleague.. and she bakes awesome!! *whew*

Day 21-22: Weekend / No work

Day 23: Merci chocolates from HO..--> no, merci madamme... :)

Day 24 & 25: Im off work

Day 26: Cookies outside the meeting room

Day 27: none :-O

Day 28 & 29: Weekend / No work

Day 30: Some banana chips and other indian junk food in the pantry.. yummm.. i remember them tasting awesome with a cola..

Day 31: 1) BIG FAREWELL PARTY-- All Turkish Food!!! Smells divine! I havent had turkish food before, so I guess Im missing out on something good... :/

2) Cornetto Ice cream for everybody!! Just as a treat from one of my colleagues...

Day 32: MnMs in a big bowl for everyone! ufff.. I was offered Patchi chocolates by a business contact and I took 3, kept them in my chocolate loot bag inside my drawer. Im starting to have a chocolate collection! :D

Day 33: 25th year anniversary of a colleague. They specifically flew in a chocolate cherry fondant cake from Germany (with the company branding :D). This place is officially killing me [inside] :D

Day 34: none :D

Day 35-36: Weekend

Day 37: 1) A bowl full of hersheys chocolate nuggets from my colleague who just came back from the US

2) Mocha mousse cake for a colleagues birthday ( we have a whole floor of colleagues who know each other mostly)

Day 38: 1 chocolate mousse cake, 1 honey cake, 1 fruit cake-- colleague's birthday.. (yes, big office to fill almost each day of the calendar)

Day 39: none :-O

Day 40: 1 fruit cake tart and 1 strawberry cheesecake -- colleague's birthday (oh yes, almost everyday of the year its someones birthday in the office)

Day 41: 1 chocolate topped cheesecake, 1 honey cake --- colleague's birthday.. (everyday..)

Day 42-43: Weekend/no work

Day 44: None

Day 45: 1 marble cake and 1 ice cream cake for a colleague who got promoted

Day 46: Sri Lankan sweets in celebration of Avurudu (New Year)

Day 47-48: none

Day 49-50: Weekend/no work

Day 51: 1) A choco chip butter cake baked by my colleague
2) easter bunny chocolate on my desk :)
3) 1 apple pie and 1 cheesecake for a colleague's birthday

Day 52: 1) 2 home made loaves of bread and a jar of nutella in the pantry
2) home made gooey chocolatey brownies *drool*

Day 53: Do these count? -> we hosted an official party for our agents at Hard Rock Cafe, so deep fried canapes (mozarella cheese, calamari and the likes) and mini burgers + alcohol are being passed around in front of me from 7:30- 12:00mn

Day 54: Banana chips from India --> if you have never had this, I would say this is one delicious snack you can munch on, I cant seem to stop when I have this.. yummeh..

Day 55: none

Day 56-57: Weekend/no work

Day 58: 1 chocolate ferrero cake & 1 apple pie-- colleague's birthday

Day 59: Farewell party for our RM, its a full on catering from a 5 star hotel..OMG..the food I missed looked so good.. :'( 5 star hotel food, and 5 star hotel sweets.. The amount of food is mind boggling...

That huge carrot cake has taunted me like nothing.. I cried inside for that carrot cake....

Day 60: Tons of left over desserts from yesterday. A lot to fill 2 fridge/s..

Day 61: 1 apple pie and 1 choco mousse cake- colleague's birthday..

Day 62: 1) 1 honey cake and 1 chocolate cake - colleague's birthday
2) brownies to celebrate the 1st year of the youngest department in the company..

Day 63-64: Weekend/No Work

Day 65: Does this count? -- someone brought a chicken salad and 1 choco muffin for me.. I gave it to my colleague..

Day 66-69: None -- but doesnt mean Im deviation free

Day 70-71: Weekend/No Work -- but doesnt mean Im deviation free

Day 72: Donuts in the hallway table.. just because.. no occassion..

Day 73-74: Dont remember, forgot to update

Day 75-77: Out of the country, temptation everywhere

Day 78: None

Day 79: Sacher cake from another colleague of ours.. hmmm nyummm

Day 80: None

Day 81: None

ADay 1: Im off work

ADay 2: Chocolates from a friend who just came back from Vegas. New loot bag started

ADay 3: Combination of 4 birthday celebrations = 4 cakes :-O

- 1 fruit cake
- 1 strawberry cheesecake
- 1 honey cake
- 1 ice cream cake--- > was not able to resist this one :(

CDay 1 - ferrero rocher chocolates from a colleague
             - 1 carrot cake and 1 honey cake for 2 of my colleagues birthday
             - strawberry cheesecake ice cream at a friend's place

DDay 1: None

DDay 2: Colleague's birthday - 2 honey cakes
               Meat from braai *drooool*

DDay 3: Movies- caramel popcorn, nutella crepe (holy crepe!)

DDay 4: Normal snacking by friends

DDay 5 : Chocolate cupcakes baked by my colleague (im glad i was not in office!)

DDay 6: Arabic sweets

DDay 7: None

DDay 8: None

DDay 9: Milka chocolate being passed around..

DDay 10-11: Weekend

BDay 1: Still Here

Im still here.. Still trying..  and its tough to get over the chocolate cravings..

As observed before, Im good during the day but I crash and give in by night, massively..

Now Im bloated, gained a good amount of weight in that short span of time,mostly due to the chocolates and sweets. I dont even eat outside food and when I do, I dont eat so bad or so much..

Why am I having such a tough time?!? I keep asking myself this. If I was able to do it the first time, I should be able to do this again right?

I have come up with several reasons as to why Im having such a difficult time. I am trying as much as possible to reason with my head and I refuse to accept fully, that "oh, its just hormones!"

1) Arrogance: the thought of having done it once and was successful about it, makes me think that I can do this again, anytime! "you people just watch out.. hmpf!"

2) Leniency: Im being lenient with myself, using the knowledge that the program will work once I start following it 100%. It will work, so why not eat the stuff I want today and start tomorrow.. its just 1 day....

3) "Im ok": this feel good statement.. uff.. I know I am ok, but I also know I want to be better. I am now at my somewhat "ok" / "forgivable" / "normal" size so yah... Im ok..  which leads me back to # 2.. and to make not being on plan more "reasonable", I listen to people saying that I looked "pale, too thin, skin on my face sagging" (when I was at 63kg) and that now I look "better, healthier, pleasant" despite feeling my clothes become tight on me, and my tummy is slightly protruding again!

4) Stress: I had to include this one, with the stuff thats been going on for the past few months, climaxing in June.. I bet somehow had made me lose focus on goal, and then everything snowballed from there.. Just to give you a rundown:

May

- broke up with my best friend
- went to a conference in VIE
- ruined Vienna personal trip and the stress of trying to make it work
- planning for our annual event in June-- from A-Z by myself- hotel and menu selection, entertainment, guestlist, follow-ups (with the help colleagues, thank God!), press, press kits, speech, presentation
- we were officially told about my boss and SM are being made redundant
- France trip-- the stress of it almost not happening due to flights being full and too expensive, looking for alternatives

June

- hosted our annual event
- prepared everything related to my boss leaving- farewell party, turnovers, reimbursements, movers, exit documents, family tickets, reco letters, coordination with HO- a lot of admin stuff
- farewell parties - for boss and SM- collecting money for gifts, farewell cards signed by the whole office, caterer

On top of this, I have personal issues too, that I do spend time to think about:

- job hunting- i couldnt even squeeze this in
- travelling- i want to travel more!
- financial obligations at home
- career - im at a standstill and both of my friends are flying high.. oh did i mention both are married too? I cant even begin to tell you how stressful this is.. my career and lovelife are both mediocre.. non existent..

Oh, and yesterday, I found out that I will need another root canal!! My old dentist did a botched up job with my fillings and now Im paying for it. I've gone for a full xray to see which are the problem areas as i am feeling pain on both my lower and upper teeth on the right side..  money down the drain again.. :(

Im just glad Ramadan has started. Everything slows down during this month, giving me the time to focus, and hopefully we will have lesser food in the office. But since the majority of colleagues are non-muslims, eating and drinking openly is not an issue.

Meals and vitamins taken on time, 1 DC + on antibiotics and painkillers for my tooth..

BDay 1, DV free.