BDay 8-9: Easing in

BDay 8

So I failed to be DV free yesterday.

But, I honestly feel loads better today.. I feel like my face is less bloated.. My colds had somewhat turned down a notch, I feel lighter also.. Im stressing on the word 'feel' coz my tummy is protruding.. its depressing..

Anyway.. another day..

Reached home, ate 1 packet of provitas (!!) but CHOCOLATE AND JUNK FREE TODAY!! whooopeee!!

Ate CD breakfast and lunch, no dinner (fell asleep from 7pm), 2 DCs.

BDay 8, not DV free.



ohhhmm nommm nomm nommm

BDay 9
I am amazed on how sugar affects the body.. For the past weeks that I have been bingeing on chocolates (big time), each day/ next morning, I always felt bloated esp. my face., my overall mood is that of sad or off, I've had consistent colds, and my weight had shot up like anything.

But in just 2 days of reducing my sugar intake significantly (BDay 7- had 1 bar of chocolate, and BDay 8 - no chocolates at all), I felt totally different - the bloatedness [feeling] in my face is totally gone (not in my tummy though :( ), and I really felt loads better mood-wise..

Despite the odd sleep time I had yesterday (slept early, woke up at 12mn, couldnt sleep til 4am), I am upbeat and chirpy :D today and all I can think of is that from today onwards, I can do this.. I can do the CD clean path (Or so I thought)

Breakfast and lunch taken today.. lunch was late.. woke up late due to the Germany -  Brazil match.. BTW, what was that all about??? Brazil was humiliated in their own territority! yikes! 

Binged on Provitas again! :(

had 2 full pakistani mangoes.. yummmm

didnt have dinner.. fell asleep around 7.. woke up now (10:45) completed this entry bec I would.like to sleep.again...if I cook.. i will lose my sleep..

BDay 9, not DV free..

BDay 7: Scary Day

Why?

For the so many attempts of going back on plan, I usually give in on the 2nd day..  :/

Nothing special today, went to work, switching between working and reading on the forum.. Being active there really helps a lot in keeping yourself in check and more confident on being Cohen clean..

How did I feel today? I am detoxing.. Kinda hazy, having the sniffles, light headache, and craving like anything!

Bought myself some tilapia fillets, I havent had fish for some time.. My recipes are the same thing everyday.. I mean how can I spruce up my dishes when I AM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY HOT SPICES!!!! ( Im still not over this?!) so its basically salt and pepper for me.. no paprika.. no cayenne.. grrrrrr..

Oh, and I booked my car on the weekend. Im getting a red Nissan Juke S. The car will be available by 25th. I hated this car the first time I saw it, but in every occassion that I see it on the road, there were times that I really find it cute and then on the other times, ugly.. Im confused if I like the look of this car or not. :D and thats why I went for it. Weird huh?

Interior, its like the same as a Tiida or a Yaris, Ive read the VW Golf is bigger inside. I used to have a Dodge Charger, and I am a sucker for muscle cars, spacious ones at that. But due to Dubai not getting any cheaper and salary not getting any better, I had to find ways to economize. The time I had the Charger for 4 years, I mostly drove it alone, or with 1 passenger in the front, so I didnt really get to maximize the 'big car'. So Im ok with the cabin space of the Juke. If I will have taller passengers, maybe above 5'9", headroom might be a problem :D as the Juke is sloping towards the rear.

I actually liked the boot of this car, coz there is a covered space where in a 'tray' can be used for storage and can be lifted to reveal the spare wheel storage.. I got kinda excited with this hidden tray to be honest coz who doesnt like to hide their mess?? :D Im thinking my stock of shoes can now be hidden out of plain sight :D I do tend to pile up shoes in the car coz I dont wear them from my home - parking - home.. I park my car in a sandy area at home so wearing slippers is the best way for me..

 

I got a good Ramadan deal with Nissan too- 2yrs service contract or 30k kms, 5year warranty, free 1 year insurance, and 4months deferred payment if I take my loan from a certain bank..

 

Im still reading other reviews, and almost all of the reviews are torn between hating and loving the look of this car.. :D

 

I would have wanted to get the Juke Turbo basic.. I test drove that one and I loved it, but they said its not going to be availabe until Sept and that too not confirmed. And since im economizing, I am telling myself to be ok to go for the non-turbo one.. and maybe get the BHP adjusted to 139 (from 117). That may give me some kick.. some.. not a lot :D

 

Enough of the car talk..

 

I binged on Provitas in the evening + 1 chocolate bar.. well its an improvement.. at least I did not eat 8 chocolate bars today :/

 

All meals and vitamins taken on time.. All cracker and fruit allowance consumed.. 1 DC

 

BDay 7, DV not free!!

 

 

BDay 6: New Day

Its another day and felt optimistic during the day. I signed up for swimming classes and today was the 1st day.

I learned how to swim on my own but I want to properly learn how to do this so I can then sign up for surfing lessons.. :D Im not that confident that my swimming skills can save me on deep waters just yet..

The class today was pretty basic..

I froze my gym membership for 1 month. I guess I wont be needing it for now.. I just bought a pair of rollerblades and used them once as its sooooooooo hot right now even in the evenings.. [but Im still thinking of going one of these nights, maybe I can survive..)

Root canal is done.. whew.. way less painful process than my last one..

Period stopped, and it didnt really flow that much as before.. somehow I felt like the cravings are lesser (??)

Im not in a happy place right now as I have gained so much, I feel bloated, and totally out of control.. But still pushing through until I get this mf down!!

Im trying to figure out how can I make myself work the same way I did, have the same discipline I had. Somehow my old tactics are not working on me. I dont know if Im not giving myself enough tough love, or I am being too tough on myself and as an act of rebellion, I am bingeing. Does that make sense??

I am my worst enemy and my best ally..  and I need to choose which one to be...

If I think about it, when Im perfectly fine and not craving, its just food..its just chocolates..  I can surely resist this junk.. I mean I did.. why couldnt I do it now?

Easy.. today.. junk.. resist.. a DV free day..

Then during my craving periods.. the craving just overpowers the rationale..

noommm nommm.. call grocery.. fuck I feel bad about this.. call grocery for more junk.. boom.. a day not DV free

I despise myself right now..

All meals and vitamins taken on time. All crackers and fruit allowance eaten too.

BDay 6, DV free

BDay 3-5: Meh..

Not DV free

Not eating full CD..

Still bingeing..

Urgh..

Tomorrow is another day to try.. and hopefully bring you all some better news..

BDay 2: Ramblings of a Hungry Tummy

Root canal process started today.. :/

Oh and I got my period today! Well, some spotting.. My period stopped after the 1st month I was on plan..So maybe that explains the extreme choco cravings?? yikes.. and Im still craving btw, could be a part of detox but I so want a bag of Cheetos Cheese right now!!

Knowing that its just day 2, makes it easier for me to reason with myself to deviate.. That Im just undoing 1 day of hard work, I would feel less guilty, than give in 3 days later..

Jeez!

my other 2 friends back home also started deviating after 2 months.. this is really not easy..

cant stop thinking about those damn Cheetos!!! should I just opt for the lesser evil and buy me some Provita's to binge on?? oh the things that are going on inside my head!!!

I dont know how much more I can reason with my cravings..  and this is me with a slightly hurting tooth and a mild headache..

Its 2PM, and IM HUNGRRRRYYYY!!! WHY AM I SO HUNGRY?! (and so whiny? :D)

Ok come to think of it, everytime Im craving anything, it makes it all alright once I have the food.. the craving is satisfied, thus I feel better for it..

by 3:30.. I gave in to the cravings until evening.. :'(

dissapointed, but will not slink away.. I will admit to every single deviation until I whip myself back into shape.

Day 2, not DV free.