07th Day: Crash and Burn

The title says it all. Crashed and burned to pizza , popcorn and m&ms.

This diet is really a mind game. I know I could have not touched the food and went OP. But I didnt.

Oh my soul... The pizza was so good, I didnt even feel sorry about it until I was in bed at night. The pizza was really good.

OFF THE WAGON. NOT DEVIATION FREE

6th Day: Bring on the hunger

The perils of daily weighing! Im up by 400grams! I think it’s the soda I had after my dinner, I had 1 less fruit for the day. Again was sleepy by 10pm. We usually go to bed by 10:30 and it usually takes me a longer time to fall asleep from that point. But these past 2 days I slept like a baby, woke up at the same time as my bf (5:30) and refused to get out of bed til 7:20 today :D. I was having an allergy I guess coz my nose wont stop running. Got up, cooked by breakfast and lunch and reached work late.

I didn’t put any make up on as we have a field set-up in the morning. I looked in the mirror and my face looked… hmmm.. dewy (?) 👩basically I liked what Im seeing. After typing this, I had to go back to the office bathroom to check again! hahahaha I don’t know if it’s the collagen supplements or the diet or could be both.

I am so hungry today. I forgot to bring fruits so I had nothing to snack on. I held my resolve until 7pm and got to eat a peach at home but I was still so hungry. KFC and pizza were on my head, I so wanted to give in.. restart tomorrow. 

BF: egg, veggies, crackers Centrum

LU: beef, veggies, cracker

SN: noon- coke light | night - peach

DI: chicken, veggies, cracker

CAF: 1 black coffee

VIT: collagen 1&3n, hyaluronic, collagen 2

Day 6 - deviation free

5th Day: Vanity

Today's much better. Felt sharper. I guess the sleep helped. I was dozing off aroubd 9:30 yesterday which was 30mins after my dinner. I tried to stay up at least until 10:30.

Woke up this morning and couldnt help but weigh myself. Dayumm.. im down 4kgs already! I guess my old plan still works, or could also be i just finished TOM. Lets see in a few days if I keep dropping.

I am not feeling strong at all. Im watching tv and its a wedding scene and all i cant think about is eating cake! :'( The only thing thats stopping me are the thoughts in my head. As vain as it seems Im still on the "getting thinner" mindset. Healthy, yes, but more on the looking good part. Shame eh? But as long as it works and keeps me OP.

BF: egg, veggies, crackers Centrum

LU: chicken, veggies, cracker, coke light

SN: apple

DI: beef, veggies, cracker, coke light

CAF: 1 black coffee

VIT: collagen 1&3n, hyaluronic, collagen 2

Day 5 - deviation free

4th day: Tired

Feeling low and slow today. Patience is a bit short. Or could it also be that I'm just really busy and will continue to be over the next few months. I should not be allowed to speak to clients over the next few days 😄 I haven't had the dreaded headaches yet or the flu, but I'm craving for the food that I used to eat - all of them. 

I'm feeling bored with my perfectly healthy and well balanced meals. I could let the time fly and not eat, but I want to eat something good a.k.a bad. This is some form of gratification right? That since I worked hard, I deserve to eat anything that I want. Need to learn how to delay gratification, coz that has been my mantra for 2 years now.

As I type, I'm thinking of heading to the store and grabbing kettle chips and a honey cake, go home and share it with my boyfriend. 😖 Of course silly, I didnt do that 😀, I didnt want the 4 days to go to waste.

BF: egg, veggies, cracker, centrum

LU: beef, veggies, centrum, coke light

SN: afternoon - apple

DI: chicken, veggies, cracker

CAF: 1 coffee, black

VIT: collagen 1, 3, hyaluronic, collagen 2

4th day - deviation free

Daily Temptations List

I decided to start a new list (see 2014 list here). I almost forgot how this list helped me keep going. As I accumulated a LOT of things I had to say no to, my will power got stronger.. So here goes...

1st Day: Some Indian sweets being passed around
2nd Day: NONE
3rd Day: The smell of bread at the hotel and my BF asking me if I wanted McDonalds for dinner (as he was about to get for himself on his way from work!!)
4th Day: None

5th Day: the smell of hotel food during our meeting

3rd day: The Scale - A Friend or Foe??

The thing about this diet is that you have to measure every. single. thing. every. single. day. Even yourself. The center doesnt recommend weighing yourself daily, but it kinda does wonders to your persistence when you see yourself dropping off each gram daily. But when its stuck, well.. it kinda gets to you too.

I didnt weigh myself on day 1 but I do have an idea of my starting weight as I went to the clinic a few days before to get my prescription and they weighed me. I was at 89kgs! 😢 Seems like I went back to the same person I was in 2009 - really fat, in heavy debt and in a job with a take home pay similar to what I was earning in 2010. Anyway, this morning I was at 86.9 kgs. I would like to think that the 2 kgs lost in 2 days was because of being Cohen clean.

When I decided to do this 4 days ago, I dropped my food scale.. glass top shattered like candy. I tried weighing the contents of a bottle of water and coke and seems to be working alright. I think I should replace it, but dont want to spend unnecessarily. And as veteran Cohenite, we are very.. ahem.. "anal" about the food measurements. Not a single gram above or below, otherwise its a deviation! f

But honestly, what if you didnt know that the scale is off? And you are still losing weight? then does it really matter if the scale is of by 2-3 grams? I hear Cohenites in my head screaming "yes!!" 😄  I figured I will try this broken scale for about 7 days and see if my weight will drop every day like its supposed to. If not, maybe I need to buy a new one.

Anyway, I woke up a bit late but I managed to cook my breakfast and lunch. Got to eat my breakfast around 10, lunch was at 3. By 6 I was hungry! hmmm.. so here we go eh? I feel that its better that I eat breakfast at home otherwise I will be eating late like today.

The moment I felt the hunger, I thought of breaking down. I kept on thinking of how I see myself by March and how much weight I must have lost by then. Or of people in the office complimenting on my new clothes to which I will reply, "no, these are my old clothes." :D. I just kept myself daydreaming whilst I was driving home so I dont think of my hunger and it worked! I survived the hunger pang. 

Nothing really special today. I can feel the looming headache slightly.

BF: 1 egg,  veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum

LU: chicken, veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum

SN: Noon: 1 peach | afternoon: 1 coke light | night: 1 peach

DI: beef, veggies w balsamic, 1 cracker, 1 coke light

CAF: 1 cup, black

VIT: AM - Collagen 1, 3 +C, Hyaluronic, PM - Collagen 2

2nd day: I Love Me a Good Peach

Its the end of day 2 and i think im doing alright. Ate all my meals and on time. Had the time to shop for food even if I left the office late. As soon as I stepped inside the grocery, the smell of peaches was overwhlemingly nice, I had to buy some :D

I reached home and I didnt even take the time to sit down and went straight to measuring my veggies for next few days. Coz if my ass touches the couch, i think it will be stuck there :P

I know its too soon to tell, but it does feel good to eat better. Feels... light. Im worried about the detox though thats about to come. I've been off the wagon for years that I'm sure I'm going to pay for it 🙈 (headaches.. sore throat.. and i dont know what else... 😟)

Im going to be really busy for the next 3 months starting next week. I hope I can pull this off.

BF: 1 egg,  veggies, 1 cracker, 1 Centrum
LU: beef, veggies, 1 cracker
SN: Evening: 1 peach
DI: chicken, veggies, 1 cracker, 1 coke light
CAF: 1 cup, black
VIT: AM - Collagen 1, 3 +C, Hyaluronic, NN - Collagen 2

1st Day: Happy New Year... not so Happy Yet

I typed slowly as the words below poured out below. I'm filled with hesitation and fear of failing over and over again...

Oh well. Another year had closed, and another one begins. 2018 was not my year and I can see that I will suffer the effects of 2018 until 2020 if I continue on my current path now.

Good news is, I have got a job and been in it for about 4 months now. Its marketing related, its about Polo and I have learned a lot over the past 4 months. But I miss my airline job, the travelling, the structure and the people I meet and I honestly want to go back, I dont know how though. I dont think a company will re-hire someone who left the job voluntarily for another job.

I have to come to terms (fully) that no one could have predicted what happened to me after I left the airlines. I left with good intentions of doing better and becoming better, which I failed miserably.. as per their standards. Here I am trying to pick up the pieces and basically living to pay off all my debts.

I think I am in a depressed state. I get short bouts of gusto for what's going on in my life, but I'm mostly indifferent. I'm trying to get by and not splendidly.

What I wrote about having my ducks in a row in September, seems so difficult esp. when funds are very limited. I am thankful for my job esp. since Dubai is in such a slump that people are losing their jobs and offers are as low as ever. It's just that I keep wondering when will my life take off again?

I came here to write that I have decided that today, I will eat healthy - Cohen style. I am scared that I will fail in something i can control.

Day 1:

BF  - 1 egg, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom), 1 cracker, 1 Centrum
LU - beef, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom)
SN - Afternoon: 1 coke light | Evening: 1 apple
DI - chicken breast, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom), 1 cracker

Coffee: 2 cups black
Deviation:  ate 115g veggies for LU, should have been 110 :/
Vitamins: 6 tabs Collagen 1&3 +C, 2 caps Hyaluronic, 4 caps Collage 2 --> Im not sure if this is allowed in the diet, but Im taking this to support my skin as I lose the weight.. Its Non-GMO + Gluten Free. Does not contain gluten, soy, lactose, starch, yeast or artificial flavors

1st Day - done.