1st Day: Happy New Year... not so Happy Yet

I typed slowly as the words below poured out below. I'm filled with hesitation and fear of failing over and over again...

Oh well. Another year had closed, and another one begins. 2018 was not my year and I can see that I will suffer the effects of 2018 until 2020 if I continue on my current path now.

Good news is, I have got a job and been in it for about 4 months now. Its marketing related, its about Polo and I have learned a lot over the past 4 months. But I miss my airline job, the travelling, the structure and the people I meet and I honestly want to go back, I dont know how though. I dont think a company will re-hire someone who left the job voluntarily for another job.

I have to come to terms (fully) that no one could have predicted what happened to me after I left the airlines. I left with good intentions of doing better and becoming better, which I failed miserably.. as per their standards. Here I am trying to pick up the pieces and basically living to pay off all my debts.

I think I am in a depressed state. I get short bouts of gusto for what's going on in my life, but I'm mostly indifferent. I'm trying to get by and not splendidly.

What I wrote about having my ducks in a row in September, seems so difficult esp. when funds are very limited. I am thankful for my job esp. since Dubai is in such a slump that people are losing their jobs and offers are as low as ever. It's just that I keep wondering when will my life take off again?

I came here to write that I have decided that today, I will eat healthy - Cohen style. I am scared that I will fail in something i can control.

Day 1:

BF  - 1 egg, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom), 1 cracker, 1 Centrum
LU - beef, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom)
SN - Afternoon: 1 coke light | Evening: 1 apple
DI - chicken breast, veggies (cabbage, kale, spinach, mushroom), 1 cracker

Coffee: 2 cups black
Deviation:  ate 115g veggies for LU, should have been 110 :/
Vitamins: 6 tabs Collagen 1&3 +C, 2 caps Hyaluronic, 4 caps Collage 2 --> Im not sure if this is allowed in the diet, but Im taking this to support my skin as I lose the weight.. Its Non-GMO + Gluten Free. Does not contain gluten, soy, lactose, starch, yeast or artificial flavors

1st Day - done.