Week 7, 2021 - Emotions and Eating

Good morning!!!

Woke up today dreading the scales but all is good. After week 7, I lost an additional 3.2kgs!! **pats back** If I do not include the weight gained last week, I lost about 2.4kgs in the past week. **still pats myself on the back** hehehe

This diet really is a whole lot of things. Yesterday in particular, I was feeling very low, I have some issues Im trying to fix and Im just getting started on it. Basically, I know Im scared, scared to fail and that I will not able to carry through. Its a bit difficult to put myself on the positive side of the fence, my heart is just filled with dread and fear. As a result, I was thinking of food to eat, and not the good ones too (hint: cookies and caramel popcorn). 

I know my hunger was an emotional one. I know, I was aware, but the temptation too strong. It was a mental struggle - an argument between long term gains and what I think I deserve at the moment. :'(

Kept myself occupied until the last meal of the day and somewhat succeeded in staying on plan. I handled the situation in the easiest way i know how. However, I think, the best way to have handled that, is to face the fear head on, turn it around, bring myself to realize the positive side of what im doing and what I am capable of achieving. I have everything I need in me to succeed, why am I overcome with fear?

I dunno... one day at the time.

Week 6, 2021

I didnt weigh in this morning to check my week 6 losses because I know there will be none :/

Deviated on at least 3 meals last week and last night too.. Didnt eat fast food or chocolates but ate a lot of my crackers with that shrimp paste and garlic chilli oil and activia yogurt. Meal 3 of the day during those days were mostly not on the plan but were eggs or beef or both.

I guess its the TOM and i gave in to my cravings.

PS: I weighed the next day, up by 800 grams :/

Week 5, 2021

Down by 10.2kgs after 5 weeks on being on the plan.

However, the 5th week only registered a loss of 1.2kgs.

Was it the peppermint tea?

Was it the 1st dose of vaccine?

Or the lack of sleep?

The use of olive oil instead of olive oil spray?

All of the above? Going to buy PAM later and start with it tomorrow and try my best to be in bed by 10pm and hopefully, i fall asleep by 10:30.

Week 6.. here we go..

Week 3, 2021

three weeks done, 7.5kgs down and back in the 80's!! my clothes are starting to feel a bit loose too :) I can actually suck in my tummy and it makes a difference hahahaha

nothing else to say but im a happy bunny! 

another week ahead and next weigh in will be on 17th May so I cap off the 30days.. My initial target is 10kgs on the first month but I dont think I will reach that by next Friday..

The Power of "No, Thank You"

I attended an Iftar yesterday hosted by one of our corporate partners and Im proud to say that I didnt eat anything and stuck to the plan. 🙋🙋 

They kept asking me to eat but I responded "No, thank you. Im good." and drank water and a diet soda. The Iftar event was nice and I stayed until 8:30 as planned. I reached home a bit late than I wanted and ate my last meal around 9:20pm. Our neighbor also hosted a hotpot with braai session.. so I dodged a lot of bullets yesterday evening.

Small human wave to me! whooohoo! #smallwins

Anyhoo, I read in the forum that there's a Golden Week of losses after TOM. I sure do hope so!! I need it. I weighed on the 3rd of May and planning to weigh tomorrow morning. Good luck to me...

I havent deviated in terms of food but I am guilty of the following:

• eating past 9pm
• sleeping late.. like really late last friday (3am) and I will most probably do that again tomorrow

I recently purchased a fitness band and I like how it tracks my sleep. I wanted to see how much deep sleep I get in a night because thats where the HGH gets to work. So far so good. I havent really engaged in any form of exercise, but this program doesnt require it. I want to start working on my flexibility though, just do some stretching.. wake those muscles up and eventually start yoga. 

Skin and Hair Musings

Im not sure if its my imagination or if its real but I do feel that my skin (face) is smoother. It could be that Ive been layering my sunscreen on top of a very moisturizing lotion.

I also feel like my hair is softer or looks like its in a better condition.. could be of the new conditioner Im using.. plus the regularity of my cod liver oil intake..

Or both are results of the diet and cutting out all the junk?

Could be all of them! Im happy :D

Anyhoo.. been wanting to do something about my face as the quality of my skin is no longer how it used to be. Given that I am already 40 and fed myself junk and tons of sugar for the past 2 years, some wear and tear are expected. Dont get me wrong my skin even then is... ok.. a bit dull, but I wasnt breaking out or anything.

So yesterday I purchased the Hyaluid and Decalt from Slurp Laboratories. My main issues are the pores that I can see beside my nose, whiteheads and the overall skin youthfulness look. I dont have crows feet or smile lines yet, but my forehead does crinkle a bit. Lets see how Slurp products will help me.

Also, I've been looking at wig pages and wig wearers in the past months. Beka wigs.. uggghhh divine! Saistylez too. But Beka's wigs... I cant... and I also cant afford them. Even if I did save up for them, letting go of that much money for a hair piece (USD 3500 - 4000) is crazy. But their wigs are really to die for. I've been contemplating on wearing a wig soon, coz my hair is naturally thin and how nice would it be to have that kind of hair every day? Im 50 - 50 about this. I mean I have other responsibilities. I am actually afraid that as soon as I have that money, I will just go ahead and have 1 made for me... Been visualizing myself at goal weight, wearing the clothes I want and with that beautiful soft ash brown/blond, straight, skin top, lace front, medium fullness, 26 inch wig... Uffff, I want it now! 😲 How???

That's it for today (Day 17), Im going for a massage later..

Slow Gains

Misleading title huh?

So I've been cohen clean for 15 days and lost about 5.6kgs which is amazing even though I deviated in 1 meal (not sure if im going to pay for that this week).

Other gains:

• tummy is now smaller than my boobs :D
• ppl are noticing my weight loss
• mood is better
• clarity
• getting into a routine of making my meals every morning = Im waking up earlier than usual
• drinking more water
• BMs are better also

I still have a long way to go though, and Im not sure if my old plan is actually working for me or this is all just water bloat losses.

I am thinking to get a new plan because i didnt finish this one. I dont have my refeed plan and maintenance guidelines. Will contact the online clinic by end of May.

I've also decided not to weigh daily, just once or twice a week. I dont want that pressure.

I feel like Im going to be "in the zone" soon, Im looking forward to this. 

Thats all for now...

Huh

It has finally sunk in, 40kgs to lose.. huwaw.. Oddly, I turned 40 this march too.. 

What happened you ask?

I have totally let go and I am not unaware of this especially in the last 3 years. I just didn’t want to bother about eating right nor exercising. Having 14 local tournaments, 2 intl level ones (and hosting a big event around these 2) plus at least 14 other competitions to organize in a period of 8 months each year definitely kept me stressed. 6-day work week (9hr per day which extends to 12hrs) with every Friday was field day. We are a small team of 5, so we are all pretty hands on. The pressure of getting sponsors & vendors for each Friday during these 8 months.. ugh.. Handling marketing & pr for these events… I dunno whats left of me..

The 4 months of the year off season, 1 month vacation, 3 months planning for the upcoming season, meetings with potential sponsors etc was not a walk in the park either. Last year’s lockdowns during our off season, well they made me handle the marketing for the hotel villas too (on the months that im supposed to be off), which surprisingly were in high demand.. local tourism somehow boomed here.. Salary cuts, unpaid leaves, more work.. whew, needed to keep the job.

Then early this year, we moved houses, Im back in the desert! Which Im happy about, not a fan of apartment living. Open spaces, tall trees (we got them! :D), weekly braai’s again.. I looked forward to it. But, Jan-Mar was our most hectic time of the season, so didn’t have the time to decorate or gather. I rarely had off days during this period, so consistently been working for at least 2.5 months.

My flexibility is gone. I felt it, hips, legs, arms, feet. Small pains here and there. I knew the whys and the hows… Ive seen my tummy go several inches up and down due to the bloat.. Consistent allergies..

I couldn’t be bothered to take care of myself. I came home late, live on take out/delivery, tune out in front of the TV, and fall asleep in front of it. I am too tired. My partner is the same, he has his own stressful, long hour work days. So both of us enabled each other.

Well, whats done is done.. and now Im back on the plan, using the one I purchased 2 years ago..

Let's see how it goes..

Week 2: READ YOUR PLAN

Its the end of week 2 and I realised that I did something well, stupid.

Around Day 12, my cravings were to the roof! I nearly caved. I remember 3 hours before my last meal, I had a 1.5 hour mental struggle if I should eat the cheesecake at home or not! I thought I was losing my mind!

But I didnt ("how strong am I?" -- Elle Woods)

I ate my dinner and my cravings diminished.

The next day, had my meals as per plan

On the 13th day, had my breakfast, went for groceries, and suddenly I thought, maybe I should read my plan from top to bottom, not just the portions part, but really from the top.

Then it hit me, the plan I was using was from 7 years ago!!! I had a new EP issued last year when I was attempting this (uhh-gain!).

No wonder why I was having monstrous cravings on Day 12, I thought I should be cruising fine and getting close to the Zone at that time. I even re-checked my previous Day 10 entries if I have ever felt the same way.

I havent been sleeping well too. 

So, I checked my latest meal plan and the portions are sooo different! I immediately corrected my meals and I woke up today with no change in weight vs. Day 13.

Week 2, done and dusted, not deviation free (tsk, I thought I was sticking true to the plan), lost another -2.1kg

Week 1: So

So, here Im at it again.

Im tired of writing and failing. Maybe I should just write when I'm on refeed. 

The number of times I tried and failed, I think tells so much about me... not really encouraging. 

Im a planner, a starter but not really a finisher.

How would a psychologist analyze me? What would she/he tell of this cycle that I cant beat? Maybe Im crazy.

Or maybe, I just like

- junk food
- sweets -- too much

Or maybe, Im just lazy:

- to cook
- to move

Or maybe, Im just so scared of achieving that I sabotage myself subconsciously. The achievement is not losing the weight, but being successful in keeping it off is what Im scared of.

Also, maybe, I really dont like the attention i get from men when im looking good, i feel violated or stereotyped into that woman who is pretty but really good at what she does, or pretty but already getting old etc.. So just stay unattractive and unhealthy at least people dont expect so much from me that when i do well, its something of a wow, or a good thing.

Anyway....

I started again because I really dont want to be fat anymore.. I woke up a week ago weighing 92.8 kgs.. OMFG, I cant continue on like this. Its just so sad.

Week 1 dusted, on EP 3, deviation free. Lost: - 4.2kgs