Daily Temptations List 2

Restarting this list:

36th Day: Lays chips, Spicy Mixed Nuts, Pizza
42nd Day: Local sweets... nomm.. :/


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My previous list was so long I think its boring :D So Im creating a new one.. these are all the food /treats made available to everyone for the taking. Just so many treats from the office!

EDay 1: None
EDay 2: Carrot cake, bowlful of Lindt chocoballs, muffins for everyone!- colleagues birthday
EDay 3: A box of cookies and cream polvorons just for me - given by a colleague.. loot bag started
EDay 4: A farewell party for 3 ppl.. All that indian food!
EDay 5: 3 Honey cakes for our GMs birthday
EDay 6-7: Weekend
EDay 8: None
EDay 9: AM Muffins, cookies, snickers for everyone / PM: Birthday cake for a colleague
EDay 10: Mango birthday cake for a colleague /  Nestle Crunch from a colleague who came from US (new loot bag started)
EDay 11: Mozartkulgen pack just for me from the tourism board :) I gave this away to colleagues and kept 4 pcs for my loot bag
EDay 12: Tapioca chips, some italian sweets and white chocolate cake huge enough to feed the entire office
EDay 13-14: Weekend
Eday 15-21: Off from work
Eday 23: Receive a pack of cashews from my colleague's home town (aint he sweet!).. I love cashews! But this will have to stay with the rest of my loot

EDay 13-14: So far so good..

So far.

Im not gonna say DV free coz on EDay 14, i cooked for the ppl in the bfs house. Its a dish from my home country and none of them have tried it. So i had to taste it, coz they wouldnt know if its right or wrong.

And i messed it up! Hahahaha i underestimated the power of the tomato paste so the it was too thick. I tried it myself on half a teaspoon with a bit of white rice to see if will at least taste better. It was alright.

Luckily, it reminded them of the stuff that makes up bunny chow :D . They were gracious. about it coz I never cooked for anyone before.. NEVER. so it was all good.

Best thing, i didnt eat. Just that taste... i ate cauliflower fried rice with minced beef.

The only thing missing are my vitamins. I keep forgetting to take them.

All meals taken on time. Fruits, crackers too. Ive been consuming 3 DCs per day though just to get by cravings.

EDay 10-12: On to 15 Days

I decided not to move on to FDays coz I usually consider my attempt as failed when it has been more than a week of being out of the program, so I still am in my E set.

I've decided to give the CD 15 days more. Otherwise, I really do need a new plan. And in this 15 days i need to declare what goal is most important to me... and define the things I can let go, and those that I need to do in order to achieve that goal.

I will be off for 9 days. There will be socializing during those days. Im still in a bit rocky stage with my friend that socializing with her is important. But, I am starting to find ways to fill in those days and not be idle.

Also I've noticed, its much more difficult for me to be on plan when I am at the bf's house. Its not because they are tempting me, but because they are stopping me to eat outside the plan as part of helping me out. I found out, that this is not a way to keep me on plan, the more they tell me "No" the more I want to eat outside the plan. But when they offer, I keep saying "No"

:D am I a child or what?? Blame it on the only child syndrome.. And when they are not looking, I keep eating what is not allowed. stupid rebellion.. :D

I think TOM is just around the corner.. Im feeling quiet heavy for the past 2 days... like Im dragging myself.. lower tummy heavy too..

:/ Why does it have to be like this every month? Isnt it enough that having your period flowing on its on uncomfortable enough? :/ *rant over*

Trying to take this one day at a time and going on about my day as usual. I am still registered on the challenge, but as I said, Im giving the CD 15 more days.. So lets see by then.

EDay10-12: DF. thats 3 days!

Let the long holiday begin!

Paralyzed

I've been going about this diet for the past 4 months and I cant seem to get back on the bus. Is it really because:

1) I dont want it enough?
2) Im procrastinating?
3) Im rebelling against the rigidity of this plan? -- I found myself saying this several times "fuck it! im gonna have that ice cream / chocolate / normal people lunch. This is too difficult!!!!"
4) I AM BEING A BIG BABY

I am overthinking this that I am getting desperate, dissapointed, angry, and discouraged with myself. To top that off, I dont like what I see in the mirror everyday.

I want to do so many things with myself that I am drowing with my own confusion.

I know the answer:

Streamline
Prioritize
Focus

But how?? Its so frustrating man! I learned this in business school, and yet and behaving like a dumbass!

Whew, a lot of negative self talk right there..

I spoke to a friend, and he also got irritated that he said, take all of that, put it in a room, lock it there, and think or do other things. Distract yourself!

I am a very multi-tasker but right now.. I feel stunned

EDay 6-9: Pot of confusion

EDay 5-6: DV free
EDay 7: Went out with friends.. boom. fell off the wagon
EDay 8: Totally off the bus..

too numb to write right now..

that doesnt mean I am stopping. Im just gonna do a self check and re align my relevant W's (why, what, when, which, etc)

I was also approached to join a 60day fitness challenge. So I am rethinking my game plan.. The challenge is so tempting (the [grueling] physical aspect at the end ).. not to mention the grand prize.

question is: will I do it? bec it was proven that I was able to do these:

Eat Clean
Train Dirty

but separately.. there is no question if I CAN, but it is the WILL to do both TOGETHER

the trainer who approached me to join had seen me when I was at 102kgs, when I first started at the gym and he has seen my progress.. on how I toughed it out until I became a hard core gym junkie (which he did not approve of)

and he saw me lose all the weight with just the diet.

he is now asking, why not try combine both, NOW? am I really the "all or nothing" type? he said I should change that now real quick bec this is not feasible in the long run..

lots of thoughts in my head right now.. internalizations..

dooodeeeddooooo...