Week 1: So

So, here Im at it again.

Im tired of writing and failing. Maybe I should just write when I'm on refeed. 

The number of times I tried and failed, I think tells so much about me... not really encouraging. 

Im a planner, a starter but not really a finisher.

How would a psychologist analyze me? What would she/he tell of this cycle that I cant beat? Maybe Im crazy.

Or maybe, I just like

- junk food
- sweets -- too much

Or maybe, Im just lazy:

- to cook
- to move

Or maybe, Im just so scared of achieving that I sabotage myself subconsciously. The achievement is not losing the weight, but being successful in keeping it off is what Im scared of.

Also, maybe, I really dont like the attention i get from men when im looking good, i feel violated or stereotyped into that woman who is pretty but really good at what she does, or pretty but already getting old etc.. So just stay unattractive and unhealthy at least people dont expect so much from me that when i do well, its something of a wow, or a good thing.

Anyway....

I started again because I really dont want to be fat anymore.. I woke up a week ago weighing 92.8 kgs.. OMFG, I cant continue on like this. Its just so sad.

Week 1 dusted, on EP 3, deviation free. Lost: - 4.2kgs