Week 2: Here we go

	Day 8	Day 9	Day 10	Day 11	Day 12	Day 13	Day 14
Deviation	free
Fruits	-1
Crackers	w/in allow
Multivitamins	0
Diet Soda	1
Feeling?	ok; normal
Temptation	none
Weight	-

Day 8: I talk a lot

Lots and lots of talk.  Im getting tired of it.

 

Ok, my week 1 wasnt so promising, so instead of beating myself up over it, Im just going to consider it as warming up.

 

I had woken up this morning with the intention of still doing this. I've read on the forum today something that I needed. I was just pondering why is it difficult for me to stick through. Eventhough I say life has gotten in the way, somehow, my mind cannot accept and labels this as an excuse. And here I go find my answer:

When we're interested in doing something we only do it when it's convenient to do so. When we're committed we won't accept excuses, only results. 

"What a disgrace to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which your body is capable".

I really have to want this. Like really, really accept the fact that there is no easy way to this. like really. no easy way. I keep looking at it as "if i lose this 12kgs, i would be able to fit into that dress by my birthday" or "how much better it is to shop for clothes" or anything else superficial

when i started, i had something else in my mind, which somehow has taken the back burner. i dont know why, maybe i got overwhelmed with it. that its too much to think about so i keep focusing on getting through the day, which i also think is not a bad way too, but i think this one is much better used when its really really tough - ie, during plateau's, or when you are down to your last 2kgs before refeed..

i started this, with:

Reduce
Rebuild
Maintain

I should remind myself of this. This has what pulled me through before. The thought of being able to [re] build the body that I want to maintain. Whew!

Its time to re-read. Rinse and repeat

Reduce to Gain - No to Skinny Fat!

Day 8 -- > Done!

Week 1: Make It or Break It

	Day 1	Day 2	Day 3	Day 4	Day 5	Day 6	Day 7
Deviation	free	free	free	free	no	no	no
Fruits	w/in allow	-1	-1	w/in allow	-1	w/in allow
Crackers	-1	-1	w/in allow	w/in allow	-1	-3
Multivitamins	2	1	1	none	none	none
Diet Soda	1.5	2	3	3	2	1
Feeling?	ok; normal, a bit hungry at 10pm	ok; normal	ok, hungry	hungry, a bit low	hungry	ok, slght hunger
Temptation	steak pot pie	lindt chocolates for the team	steak pot pie	none	pork adobo	meat meat meat
Weight	-	-	71.4	70.8	-	-

Day 1: Thou shall not give up on self

First step. Thats all there is. Just take the first step. Keep on trying.

I HOPE MY PROGRAM STILL WORKS!

Oh well, 1st day on the plan again for the nth time. I cannot even be bothered with coming up with a creative name to blog titles.

I didnt get to weigh though, bfs place doesnt have a scale. Will weigh on Day 3 and update my ticker.. Oh my word..I am so looking forward to that-- NOT! I will also take new measurements. Will continue to do yoga..

Had the usual meals. I really need to change this around. Thinking of buying this table top baking thing. I dont really need to bake muffins and all and I guess the small 1 will do. At least I can "bake"stuff somehow.

I am still not sick of cabbage and zucchini. I guess thats a good thing.

Im running out of vitamins. I guess I need to get those.

Close call this evening, bf had a steak pot pie. Smelled good, but as I recall it, it didnt taste as good as it smelled. So I said no :D

Had 2 cups of black coffee today, I hope I can get good sleep.

Day 1--> done!

Day 2: Spice up your life! :D

Damn the no spicy stuff!!! I still havent gotten over this. As part of my plan, I am not allowed spicy stuff like chili, cayenne, paprika etc and curries.

Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

There are tons of recipes which would have been lovely to substitute for my normal, and almost same old dishes, but nooooo... Im not allowed.. phewfft!!

Today was kinda hectic at work. I read a few diaries to catch up on who's on the journey, but am not ready to post again on the forum.. I just want this 14 days to be done and over with.

Its good to read the diaries, there is always that pull and strength that I feel which makes me think that I can actually do this for today. I know tomorrow is another struggle.. Heck during my good all CD times, it was a mind struggle almost everyday.  The drastic change, the tough lovin if you may, towards the 30years of bad eating habits, it is kinda jarring.

Oh well, same ol same ol.. Ive been there. As much as I cringe at the thought of re-learning my lesson, somehow I am also relieved that I know what to expect.

Day 2--> done!

Day 3: Weigh In

I weighed myself this morning 71.4kgs.. whew.. honestly i was expecting around 75-76.. but im glad that im not. I didnt get to measure though. I dont know if I should, just be lazy and watch the clothes fall off of me so I dont pressure myself much.

Same weight as in Aug 2014. Really?? But why do I feel so fat? like ugly fat? I am 5kgs lighter than when i started, that in itself is a good thing!

I adjusted my ticker to my top range goal weight which is 59kg, but my goal weight is 57kg. Thats 12-14kg away. I achieved 13.8kgs in 60days before, and Im not expecting it to be as fast this time. I will be more than happy to start refeed at -10kgs.

My program is online, and since I dont have access to support anymore I emailed them. I did get my refeed plan but did not go through it. Now, Im just feeling confused about it. I asked if I should try the exisisting plan for 2 wks if it still works, and if I can purchase a package that will allow me support access from them. And I got this reply

Thank you for your email. We are sorry for any confusion but your old diet that was based on your blood test results from February 2014. Since blood profiles keep on changing the diet is not a remedy for life but merely a personal diet for the time it was provided.

Since your blood profile has changed, that old diet is no different for you than any other "general" diet that you can copy from a magazine or find on the internet. If you wish to give Dr. Cohen's Personal Diet another chance then you need to get a new personal diet from Dr. Cohen that is based on your current blood profile.

Please use the registration form that is available on our website

Well I dont want to buy another program although I do understand that they are probably telling me whats the best way for me. I just dont want to spend that money just yet, until I see if this is working or not.

Anyhoo, today is day 3, so far so good. the struggle starts on the 4th day for me.. lets see.. I was feeling a bit of hunger today. By 4, I finished all my cracker allowance and drank 2 cans of coke zero. WAs tempted to take 1 extra cracker but controlled myself. Im just in Day 3 and have a long way to so I dont want to start from Day 1 again!

Day 3 --> done

Day 4:

Seems like my plan is still working (?) lost 600gms overnight. Can feel and see that the bloat is somehow gone. Too early to tell though.

Had a sleepless night yesterday. Relationship..rocky.. but apparently we will still keep trying..

Nothing much to report. Just really hungry..

Day 4-done

Day 5: :(

Ate pork adobo with rice with bf tonight. on the rare occassions that we cook together, the adobo seemed really yummy and felt good to share a meal with him..

jeez.. this is tougher than i bargained for

Day 6: Braai

Why to braii?

Was good during the day.. went to the beach and just lazed around, got my tan on for about 5 hours! With all the tanning oil and the 5 hr sun baking.. nobody even noticed my tan at home.. the boys were like.. "you always looked like that.. you're brown like that" hopeless..

Evening came they had one their "bruh" hahaha to sleep over .. Seems the 2 guys had a fight with this one 4months ago and were just on speaking terms now.. :D such sissies.. anyway.. so they braii'ed.

And so did I.

Day 7: Chucked it

Non Cohen day.

I am not serious as i think i am. If I were reading this diary and I am on a strict Cohen path, I will probably get tired of this blogger too.

New Year. New Me (?)

So cliché right? :D New years resolutions that is. Its like a gym being full during the 1st 2 wks of the year and slowly tapering off..

Its been so hectic that I surely was not able to even think of preparing meals to maintain this. Shows that I wasnt ready for the life after Cohen's. I travelled for weeks; people came to visit Dubai- took them out, drove them around, slept late with all the chatting, Christmas eve dinners, new years eve camping; birthdays; date nights;-- been too social and active that I didnt even pass by the grocery to shop for food. My fridge has been literally empty since 28 Nov- 10 Jan 2015, well not really. I had 2 year old bottle of white wine and a pack of Philadephia Fat Free Cream Cheese.

I didnt even open the forum. It could be that I was scared to see that I am so far behind or that I dont want to feel any worse by not being able to finish what I started. I actually am scared now to fail again that I hesitated to post this in the forum. My mind is in this contradiction between shame and the fact that I know that it helps to post here. I dont even know how many rounds it is for me.

There were stresses as well. My relationship with the bf is just rocky and Im not feeling any better about it. Makes me wonder why Im even in it at all. He is an overall nice bloke, but everything in me says there is something not right about us. Yet, I am still not dismissing the potential of this relationship and I wonder why. Im tired somehow. Im just thinking why am I feeling all the negative feelings when I am in a new, committed relationship?? Instead of feeling inspired, happy and secure, somehow I feel the opposite. Sometimes I think Im overthinking this. Fuck this. This all together is a long story.

At work, some clarifty only came about on 31 Dec 2014. At least now I know what I will be doing with the new work set-up. But more waiting is there. I havent seen my JD yet nor am I aware of the changes in my work package. All I know is that I will be moving to a new contract with the company who bought us out.

Financially, Im also struggling. Big time. Lets leave it at that.

All in all, just makes me wonder why the hell being an adult is so difficult?

On top of this, there are the wants-- wanting to travel, wanting to buy stuff, wanting to save. How to combine all this??

Breathe... its all just starting.

Im glad I wrote though. Need to streamline goals for the year. Ive been living my life with vague goals. Somehow making it easy on myself, therefore not really achieving anything. dont get me wrong, my life is pretty good with just "winging" it. But it could be better right? It can always be better. I can always stive for constant improvement.

But first off, it is a shame that it is almost a year since I started Cohens, and I AM BACK to my starting weight. My old clothes still feel a tinie bit loose on me so I guess Im not actually back to that weight yet, but Im a hop, skip and away.

I started 01Mar2014. That's 49 days from now (11 Jan 2015). I will be writing on the 1st 14days here on my blog. Just 1 entry to keep updating everyday. Small goals. I just want to get through the 1st 14 days dammit!

Maybe this is what I needed, the desperation to get there! As they say, you must want it really bad. whew..

I need to get this done. Im not getting any younger. Jeez.