Week 2: READ YOUR PLAN

Its the end of week 2 and I realised that I did something well, stupid.

Around Day 12, my cravings were to the roof! I nearly caved. I remember 3 hours before my last meal, I had a 1.5 hour mental struggle if I should eat the cheesecake at home or not! I thought I was losing my mind!

But I didnt ("how strong am I?" -- Elle Woods)

I ate my dinner and my cravings diminished.

The next day, had my meals as per plan

On the 13th day, had my breakfast, went for groceries, and suddenly I thought, maybe I should read my plan from top to bottom, not just the portions part, but really from the top.

Then it hit me, the plan I was using was from 7 years ago!!! I had a new EP issued last year when I was attempting this (uhh-gain!).

No wonder why I was having monstrous cravings on Day 12, I thought I should be cruising fine and getting close to the Zone at that time. I even re-checked my previous Day 10 entries if I have ever felt the same way.

I havent been sleeping well too. 

So, I checked my latest meal plan and the portions are sooo different! I immediately corrected my meals and I woke up today with no change in weight vs. Day 13.

Week 2, done and dusted, not deviation free (tsk, I thought I was sticking true to the plan), lost another -2.1kg

Week 1: So

So, here Im at it again.

Im tired of writing and failing. Maybe I should just write when I'm on refeed. 

The number of times I tried and failed, I think tells so much about me... not really encouraging. 

Im a planner, a starter but not really a finisher.

How would a psychologist analyze me? What would she/he tell of this cycle that I cant beat? Maybe Im crazy.

Or maybe, I just like

- junk food
- sweets -- too much

Or maybe, Im just lazy:

- to cook
- to move

Or maybe, Im just so scared of achieving that I sabotage myself subconsciously. The achievement is not losing the weight, but being successful in keeping it off is what Im scared of.

Also, maybe, I really dont like the attention i get from men when im looking good, i feel violated or stereotyped into that woman who is pretty but really good at what she does, or pretty but already getting old etc.. So just stay unattractive and unhealthy at least people dont expect so much from me that when i do well, its something of a wow, or a good thing.

Anyway....

I started again because I really dont want to be fat anymore.. I woke up a week ago weighing 92.8 kgs.. OMFG, I cant continue on like this. Its just so sad.

Week 1 dusted, on EP 3, deviation free. Lost: - 4.2kgs